Lies and Other Necessities

•Dusty Blue Wishes...

My hands are sweaty despite the wind that blows from the open glass doors that lead to Claire's patio. My fingers itch but I fight the urge to scratch them by leaving them where they lie on my skirt. I only realize that my teeth are digging into my bottom lip when her soft voice cuts through the air.

"How are you today, Evie?"

"Fi- " I catch myself before I can complete the word. It is going to be a lie for one thing. For another, I'm supposed to open up and not hold anything back. After all, that's what therapy sessions are for. To spill out your problems to someone who probably doesn't care and only listens because it's their job.

But for some reason, the warmth in the electric blue eyes of Claire Willows tells me she truly does care. Or maybe it's just the desperation I have that let's me believe that she actually wants to hear me out.

"I'm not as good as I wish to be," I say instead. It's a perfect answer. No lie there.

She pushes her horn-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose and nods, making her hair which is piled up in a makeshift bun bounce with the movement. She picks up a notebook from the coffee table next to her and writes something down with a shaky hand.

"Sorry, I'm kinda new to this whole thing. You're my first real client and I'm a bit nervous about it." She lifts her head. "If you don't mind, I'll be taking notes to keep things fresh in my memory. Oh, and feel free to interrupt me at any time or steer the conversation to wherever you need it to go."

I nod and a lopsided smile crawls up my face for two reasons. First, she had called me her client. Not her patient which would have no doubt gotten a bad reaction from me. The word leaves a daunting image in my head whenever any doctor calls me that, and in this scenario where I'm coming with problems related to my mental health, I can't handle being called a patient. Second, Claire admitting to me that she is also nervous makes me feel somewhat... better. It's not by much, but it's enough to soothe me.

"I hope I'm a good client then," I say.

"You are. You answered my first question with honesty." She smiles too, revealing perfectly straight teeth that gleam in the light that bounces off the dusty blue walls of the airy space.

She flips to a page of her notebook where several flashcards are placed and shuffles through them till she finds what she's looking for. Her intelligent eyes blink behind the glasses and she looks up at me again.

"What brings you here today? Have you ever had any sort of counselling before?"

"My boyfriend suggested I come here," I provide, looking down at my hands. "And no. This is my first time."

"And what do you think is the reason that he did?"

"I've been having these recurrent nightmares about my ex." There. Simple and straight to the point.

"Mind telling me how long it's been happening?"

"Almost a year now."

"Do you have a clear idea of why you've been dreaming about your ex, Evie? It's good you've identified the problem... great even, but can you single out the cause too?"

I don't hesitate to say yes.

She waits, looking at me with eyes that seem to be a mirror into things I'll never experience in my lifetime. Claire is young, probably a couple of years older than me. But she has some sort of aura about her, like she's lived before and still remembers her past life-- even if she's a bit jittery. The ocean blue of her eyes seem far more aged with wisdom from thousands of years ago. Maybe she had been a monk back then.