The Love Score || Zhuo Zhi

51: Who Do I Need to Kill?

"What did you save me for? Why?" I demanded in an unsteady voice.

Li Jing shrugged, and to my utter surprise, I heard her chuckle softly. "I don't know. I think it was because I knew that if I let you get hurt when I saw that you were about to, I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of not saving you when there was still time." Li Jing struggled to sit up straighter on her bed, attempting to push herself up. 

I quickly moved forward to adjust her pillow and gently helped her sit up. "Careful."

"Thanks, Senior Yue En."

I stepped back, the question that hadn't been answered still pestering me annoyingly. "You said you don't hate me, Li Jing. But why do you act as if you do?" I said without a second's hesitation.

I saw Li Jing's eyes dart away from mine for a quick second, her hand twitching uncomfortably. My instincts said to assure her that she didn't need to tell me if she was uneasy about the matter, but my persistence was desperate to know the reason why she behaved like that around me. So I put both my hands in my pockets and watched Li Jing patiently.

She finally let out a breath, giving in, "I don't tell many people about my background, but I suppose it can explain a few things. Don't tell anyone about this."

I nodded. "I won't."

Li Jing curled her lips nervously. "I always keep my guard up and I like being alone. I guess it has to do with my childhood. I've lived in an orphanage since I was one until I turned ten. The other kids in my dorm were my mistress's favourites, so I've always felt the need to compete against my peers. I purposely distanced myself from them and became an aloof person." Li Jing was playing distractedly with a long lock of her dark-chocolate brown hair, her gaze focused on the dense white blanket on her lap. 

I bit on my tongue, forcing myself to stay silent as I carried on listening to Li Jing. She continued, "I've always had the need to put up my best performance. So it was uncontrollable when I wanted to correct every mistake during our practices. And it usually came out unkindly, because it's hard for me to relate or empathise with people," At this point, Li Jing gave a minor scoff, like even she thought that her words sounded ridiculous. "I admit, it's not much of a reason. I don't expect you to forgive, but I hope you understand why now."

I shuffled uncomfortably, averting my eyes to my shoes. I now understood that Li Jing's coldness towards me was because it was engraved into her personality, not because of reasons of detest of resentment. A selfish part of me wanted to hold onto that grudge, but I knew that she had never done real harm to me either. Letting my feelings of bitterness get in the way was just being petty. Li Jing saved me from getting hit, too. There isn't a strong enough reason to hate her.

I sighed, lifting my head. Li Jing had her hands rested on the blanket covering her lap, biting the inside of her cheek, looking faintly anxious as she waited for an answer. I rolled my tongue around in my dry mouth before speaking, "I can forgive you, Li Jing. But next time, we need to cooperate better in our dance practices."

The corners of her mouth raised slightly. "I'll try," she shifted awkwardly in her seated position, looking hesitant. "Uhm... is this an agreement to be friends?"

I grinned at her question. "If you wouldn't mind. Being angry at you is pretty exhausting to a point," Li Jing smiled even wider at my statement. I added, "So, friends?"

"Are you serious?"

"Just take the deal, Li Jing."

"... Friends, then?" Li Jing beamed, shrugging her only left shoulder gently to not move her right one.