Indomitables (131-148)
And so Jimbo of the small ding-dong was struck by boredom one day and called forth the stout one to perform dances and such to entertain him thusly. And so he spoke his mind, ‘O, stout one, I demand of you a simple service; dance for me with the enthusiasm of a mule and I shall surely reward you with handsome sandwiches, verily.’ And so the stout one stepped forth and hungrily accepted; his dances were mesmerising and excessive; and lo, that Jimbo of the hazel eyes was entertained; he gifted unto the stout one a handsome sandwich, verily, and spoke his mind, ‘O, stout one, you have indeed pleased Me with your rippling dances; your hunger will not go unwatched and so I bestow upon you the greatest sandwich in the land; gaze at the sandwich with best concentration; it is built of a potato steak, a quarter-pounder, bacon, an egg, cheese, and two toasted buns on either end, and of course it is painted with various condiments, the names that belong to relish, mayonnaise, burger sauce and ketchup.’ And so the stout one listened with greatest intent and smelled the sandwich with generous nostrils both. And the sandwich was good. And so the stout one spoke his heart, verily, ‘O, Jimbo of the black foot, you have indeed done me the greatest service and prepared for me the handsomest sandwich,’ and so Jimbo replied with sharp words, ‘the sandwich is yours to make feast on but hear my words close; you must ne’er separate the egg from the sandwich lest you wish to incite my hatred; you must feast on the sandwich in a single meal, ne’er leave some for tomorrow’s meal; these are my terms.’ And so the stout one agreed to the terms of the sandwich, thusly, and took his sandwich home to make feast with. And lo that Jimbo, the tall and brave, was a generous gifter; indeed, the sandwich was the handsomest in the land. But the stout one enjoyed not the egg in the sandwich; verily, his belief was that egg belonged to breakfast and not his sandwich. He insolently removed the egg from the sandwich and ate it as tomorrow’s meal, tempting the anger of Jimbo. And so Jimbo called forth the stout one to record a meal diary, as was routine for cheese-burger day. And so he spoke his mind thusly, ‘O, stout one, what have you to write in the meal diary? Indeed, I await the words you intend for the sandwich I gifted you. Was it handsome?’ and so said the stout one, ‘Verily, great Jimbo, the sandwich was very handsome indeed,’ and so Jimbo replied, ‘describe the sandwich so that my people may hear of its greatness,’ and so said the stout one, ‘the sandwich was the handsomest in the land, painted with condiments that owe their names to relish, mayonnaise, burger sauce and ketchup; between the toasted buns of the sandwich, a quarter-pounder, bacon, potato steak and cheese called their home,’ and lo, that Jimbo had fooled the stout one into forgetting egg from the list and spoke with sharp words, ‘O, stout one, you have betrayed the terms of the sandwich by removing the egg and feasting upon it in tomorrow’s meal; you are indeed the most wretched of my followers,’ and so said the stout one, ‘forgive me generously, o Jimbo, I was a fool to betray your sandwich, though I hate, with all my stomach, egg in a sandwich,’ and so Jimbo of the hazel eyes listened no more and narrowed the stout one’s throat so that he could no longer eat food as quickly. And lo, that the stout one knew his punishment to come and cried with both mouths. And so Jimbo stood above his people and spoke his mind, verily, ‘O, people of mine, know well the terms of the sandwich; ne’er betray a sandwich by removing any of its components; surely, the sandwich was intended in its way and must be true to its spirit. Ne’er leave a sandwich unfinished for it likes not to be sloppy-seconds. And for the foolishness of the stout one, ne’er again will I gift unto humanity a sandwich as handsome as before; these are my terms.’ And so the people cried a thousand tears for the stout one’s folly and knew well to adhere to the terms of the sandwich evermore.
