A Christian Girl's SurTHRIVal Guide to College: Surviving & Thriving in College

Dating & Singleness

You do not have to date while in college! Of course, there is nothing wrong with doing it, you just do not need to feel pressure to date.

I am a sophomore in college (Fall 2020/Spring 2021) and I have never had a boyfriend...like ever. And you know what, I am totally okay with that! Granted, I have not always been content in my singleness, but right now I know that I really am not ready to be in that kind of committed relationship...and that is okay too!

When I first went off to college, my oldest brother, who is four years older than me, gave me some advice about dating based on his observations during his college career—just to give more context, my brother has never had a girlfriend as of right now.

Here is some of what he told me:

• Don't date freshman year. Most students are trying to figure out who they are, and they are still learning a lot about themselves (I can confirm that!). Dating during this time can often, though not always, make your life a bit messy.

• If you are still learning new things about yourself (which you probably are...I know at least I am), don't date sophomore year either.

Of course, you know yourself and what you can handle. If you are ready to date with the possibility and hope of marriage, then go for it! Just be intentional about who you are dating, making sure that he is a man of God who is striving to deepen his relationship not only with you but also with God. I am in no means trying to talk you out of dating, I just want to encourage you to be discerning during this process.

Now, onto singleness! I feel a lot more confident and comfortable giving advice on this topic because I myself, am single and have no experience with dating. Of course, I am no expert on the matter of singleness, but I mean who really is anyway?

It is okay to be single! It is also okay to have the desire for marriage, God designed us for marriage! Going back to singleness...being single does not make you any less of a woman. You are still a daughter of the most High King (and that makes you a princess!!) and He still has a beautiful plan for you!!

Being single gives you more time to spend growing closer to God and developing your faith in Him. Being single gives you time to go on crazy adventures (big and small) with your fellow single girl friends! Being single is actually a blessing that so many of us often take for granted (myself included)! Instead of spending this season of singleness constantly dreaming about your future marriage (this in and of itself, is not entirely a bad thing) or feeling sorry for yourself, spend this season living the life that God is calling you to live and has created you for. Girl! You do not need a man to live a full and meaningful life!!

Did you know that Christian singer/songwriter Mandisa is currently unmarried? Did you know that Corrie Ten Boom, author of The Hiding Place, was never married? Did you know that Mother Teresa was never married either? Amy Carmicheal was also never married, but she became mother to thousands of children and did incredible work for the kingdom of God.

[If you do not know who these women are, I highly encourage you to look each one up.]

There are many single Christian women now, and in the past, who are doing/have done amazing things for the kingdom of God. You do not have to be married to serve God!! You can serve Him right now in this season of singleness! So what are you waiting for??

What God says about singleness and dating in the Bible:

• "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." (1 Corinthians 7:34 NIV)

• "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30 NIV)

• "8 Leaving the next day, we reached Caesarea and stayed at the house of Philip the evangelist, one of the Seven. 9 He had four unmarried daughters who prophesied." (Acts 21:8-9 NIV)

• "6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:6-9 NIV)

• "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Solomon 3:5 NIV)

• "9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. 10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands." (Psalms 119:9-10)

Resources:

"Singleness & Dating: Waiting on God, or Taking Initiative?" by Kaci Nicole

"How To Be Content In Your Singleness | *it's not what you think*" by Kaci Nicole

"Christian Dating Resources | Best Books, Podcasts, and Sermon Series" by Kaci Nicole

Song: "Prince Charming" by Leanna Crawford

Song: "I'll Wait For You" by Moriah Peters"

Girl Defined - A Blog Website and YouTube Channel (They also have a few books!)
Under their bio on their website, this is what the founders of Girl Defined have to say about their ministry: "our goal has always been the same – to help modern girls understand and live out God's timeless truth for womanhood."

Girl Defined Website/Blog:
https://www.girldefined.com

Their Books:
• "Girl Defined: God's Radical Design for Beauty, Feminity, and Identity" (I have read this one and I highly recommend it!)

• "Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision For Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships"

• "Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl's Heart: Discovering the Beauty and Freedom of God Defined Sexuality"

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I hope that you have been challenged and encouraged by this chapter!!

Leave a comment with your dating advice or with a story about your dating experience or experience being single! Or really about anything related to dating and singleness that you may have on your mind...comment or ask away!

Your friend,
Sara Wingfeather ❤️