DARK SOUL'S: The Story You Started

ISHITA

Sometimes and Something’s never changed no matter how hard you fought, No matter what you do to change it!
Your dark reflections are always with you, the way they have always been with me precisely torturing me to breathe.  
I have taken long enough time to build myself this strong, to fight with my own emotions and now I know my heart is a hollow core. which is doing nothing but pumping my blood and works for my oxygen but, the way I am feeling around this city and especially around these people.....!!!
I don't want to take their name anyway.
I am scared and now I have started thinking, Maybe it was my wrong decision to be here around all of this lying on this couch and starring at this ceiling. But then, Why am I thinking this way? I am here for a perfectly professional prospective, Once my project will over; I will be gone to my place, Shittt!! What is wrong with me? I am going crazy now! It is head spinninggly frustrating.
I have to be at the meeting tomorrow and it seems like I can't get any sleep today either.
Whenever I tried to get some sleep that dark things occupied my mind and it gets impossible to breathe,  Then as always, I wake up in a cold sweat with a dry throat and soaked face. Thanks to God, at least I don't scream.
I shook my head to distract myself because of the stupid thoughts in my brain as if they will disappear. And headed to the bedroom doing nothing but preparing the presentation for tomorrow, it’s already 2: AM now and I have plenty of time for this.

I was in the garden, it’s always my favourite place. There are some kids playing with their friends and I was sitting under the tree watching them, Casually remembering my childhood days. We all are having a good time in here and now it’s summer here, The season I don't like at all;  It is always all sweaty and clings to my skin, Ewww.
"Hey Ishita" Someone called my name from behind, I turn around and realized I shouldn't have done that.
"Hey, Navin" I whispered.
"Long time no see, where you have been?" He asked in a concerned voice, towering over me.
"Um- no I was actually busy" I stammered.
"Oh, You okay, really!!" I flinched as he tried to touch my head.
"Ohh sorry, I don't mean you to, You know" He apologizes.
But No! It's too late,  there is something trying to gulp me down and I can't breathe, I know I am going to die. Just let it happen somehow.  Please now!! And then I heard something or someone screaming.

My eyes darted open and again, I woke up in the same position as always, panting for my own breath, every night with cold sweat and impossible to stop streaming tears through my eyes.
I tried to relax and look at the time, Shittt.. It’s past seven Oh God! How long was I sleeping?
My presentation is completed it means, not even an hour. Though I am not surprised by myself. I didn’t even have this sleep lately.
I hurried with all necessities and locked the front door not bothering to grab something to eat, I am not running late today but I don’t want to take any chance so.
I took a cab to the office. Once I got there, I was greeted by the most polite receptionist. She gave me directions directly to the conference hall, I said thanks to her and resume my walk to the stairs.
" Ms. Ishita, The conference hall is on the 3rd floor up," She yelled from behind.
"I will be fine" I assured her and resume my walking.
I am not early but I am not that late either. I have mostly a half-hour to prepare myself for the presentation, I can't risk myself with that crap lift thing on my first ever day.
Once I was on my designated floor, Immediately I was greeted by Mr. Nicole's. Oh No!! It should have been better. He was at the end of the stairs drinking coffee and enjoying himself,, I stepped ahead slowly and reached towards him. He was eyeing me as if I have lost my mind or what, Not a new thing for me though.
"Ishita are you okay?" He started to walk in my direction.
I flash him a knowingly smile 
"Oh yes of course I am" I shrugged.
He did not look convinced then,
"Is the lift out of service or something like that? Why are you taking the stairs?" He inquired, looking at the stairs then back at me.
"No, I mean, nothing is wrong with the lift but I prefer stairs, I like walking so" I explained and tried to look casual.
He looked at me for some moments and then nodded.
"Okay if you say so," He said, I mentally expelled the breathe.
I don't bother replying to him right away, I know how I am looking right now. Flushed, confused, and tired at the same time. 
"Mr. Nicole's do you mind if I get to know where is the conference room so I will get settled in," I changed the topic.
He laughs and said,
"Of course straight ahead and on the left," He said and resume his laugh. He is odd huh! I said thanks to him and turned to walk away from his gaze.
I was trying to catch my breath, my thoughts, and my mind which is going everywhere right now. Why this nightmare have to come? It has been so many days since these things I have seen in my terror nights? But whenever I got that thing, it came with another level and I couldn’t stop them. I shake my thoughts and try hard to concentrate on my opening project presentation. Suddenly people started entering one by one.
"You must be Ishita," The middle-aged redhead woman stopped in front of me and asked.
"Yeah" That’s all I could say right now. I need some time to take this all in.
My stomach twitched by seeing these quantities of people around me here.
Yeah!! I know, I was working with a lot of peoples but this is insanely different.
And it seems so different in here. Actually, I am the one who is different here and it is the only thing that affects me badly.
These are my own personal thoughts that are engulfing me day by day. I wish I would've stopped those things at that time, I wish I would be there again to get those things back to normal. Now I can do only one thing is to wish, maybe just maybe one day these thoughts will kill me or go away forever from my life.
" Ishita" My thoughts were startled by Mr. Nicole's.
" Oh I am so sorry, What were you saying" I stood up from my desk to look at him, and he was eyeing me suspiciously, What? have I done anything wrong?
I looked around the room and frown; Shit so many people's in here already and Why the hell I didn’t even notice them, of course, I was busy with myself! Now I knew it, What he was trying to say,  "Go get your ass from here and get the hell out of this building” He won’t say that obviously so,
I stood up confidently and prepared myself for the presentation with head down on my laptop, Again Mr. Nicole's words interrupt me.
" Good Morning everyone,  As all of you know we were searching for the competent person,  Who will lead this project and will give the best direction for Nicole’s, so then, obviously, we found Ishita" The confidence was evident in his voice that he is very proud of me and this project will head over heels. I hope so!
My cheeks burn from embarrassment. I don't like to be the center of attention, I can’t even look up, God help me with this, please! Again Mr. Nicole's voice interrupts my thoughts. I mentally slapped myself. 
" Ishita, Go! get to know all of these people as this is our team and these all are the part of our team" My eyes flew open at him, Whattt? He got to be kidding me! All of these! No way! It is not necessary to have this huge team for the software development project, few experts for coding with languages and that’s all, But anyway I don't mind because he is the owner, of course!
My eyes travel through the conference room they nodded at me one by one and then I saw him, My legs froze in my place.  I looked away as soon as I can. I am being pathetic here I know but I was already embarrassed about the earlier situation and now I can't even face him.
It is really the worst day. Man! Where the hell are you my pretty mind?
I can feel his eyes boring into me but I know what I have to do, So then I just did what I have always been doing, I stood straight-up in front of the projector and turn on the presentation.
After two hours of long explanations, I finally managed to finish it in time and they all gave me a cheering up look with happy smiles, and then they all greeted me at the end of the presentation.
It is not an impossible thing for me to memorize their names. Rick, the one from the product development department with the handsome features and polite smile was talking and advising me about random things. I don’t mind listening to the people when it is related to my work and profession with advanced things.
He got up from his place suddenly, and stood in between Rick and me, glaring at rick he said “Rick don't you have any work to do?” What is wrong with him? 
Rick was obviously shocked by that sudden explosion but not indicating anything he gave him a polite smile.
" Yeah, of course, I do Ethan"
" See you later, Ishita," He looked down at me and smiled, I gave him a nod.
He left that room, In fact, everyone was disappearing from here, of course, except Ethan and myself; I am still working there on my desk because my office is not yet ready for me. So I have to do all the work from here but only for today. It's not like I will sit in here all day today. As there are several things I have to do but first I have to see the operations and R&D divisions so I am not even going to spend more than two hours in this conference-come-cabin-office.
I can feel Ethan eyes on me but I couldn't risk myself to look at his direction, I stand there working with my files.
" Ishita" I froze as he called me,  How on the earth he sounds like this?.
"Ishita," He said again harshly this time.
"Yeah," I said in a shaky voice without veering around to him, I can't meet his gaze, It’s so damn difficult and out of place to feel this way.
"You shouldn't have talked to him,"  He said in a low stern voice, that makes me smile, Why he is even telling me this, I already know Rick was hitting on me, but of course, there is no use. Rick will waste his time if he’s thinking about any other poor thing apart from our work. 
" And of course, you are working in my cabin today" He announced, I looked at him with wide eyes, Why would I work in his cabin? "There is no way you will work up in here" He noted and picked up the phone from the desk.
" No!! I mean I'm fine here, I actually preferred working alone," I tried to stop him, still looking at my laptop
" Maggie - He yelled and he dropped intercom loudly on the desk. I flinched on his sudden outburst. Is he mad? I know he noticed me right away because his hand backed me up from behind stopping me from tumbling and spilling my things over.
" You okay, Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" He looked down at me with the concern. I can hear it in his voice. I gripped the edge of the desk and tried to calm myself down.
" Maggie lets take Ms. Ishita's stuff from here to my cabin she will work in there," He said. I quickly tried to argue with him while looking pleadingly at Maggie. She is a pretty woman.
I clear my throat" No, there is no need. I am actually going into the operations and R&D sectors so, I won’t be here a lot of time" He gave me his obnoxious glare. Dammit!  Why can’t he leave me alone?
" Maggie just take these things out from here, Ms. Ishita! don't argue with me please" Subconsciously, I managed to give him a nod. I hate arguing with peoples it is not my style to win over. I Let go and Mr. Ethan held the door open for me to go out.
His office is a massive one with wooden furniture all black- Wow! Nice I always like black anyway.
He came behind me, I know he was noticing my every move. Isn’t that acceptable thing because I haven’t said anything to him this whole time.
" You like it in here" He inquired finally and broke that silence.
"Huhh_ Hnn"
" Come! Just settled down. Then we can eat something. Obviously, you need something to eat after that long presentation" He smirked at me. And I was stupid enough to notice it.
I couldn't say any possible thing. And I hate the fact that how I feel around him "safe I guess" of course without any reason, But I know myself very well.
I don’t want to go any further away from my dark soul there is no place, and no light for anyone. It won't go away ever! No matter how much I try, and how I dropped trying things because I know, someday It will consume me and I will be a free spirit in my own way.
"Did I say something wrong?" My thoughts were interrupted by Ethan’s words, He was watching me thoughtfully.
I snapped my head and saw two prepared plates, I don't even know when the food has arrived. How much time I have been spent thinking with myself lately? But it’s already late as he is noticing me.
Without saying anything I reached for my plate and start to eat, I will eat as much as I can, I know I can't eat right now. I feel so nauseated and I want some fresh air,  I couldn't breathe here. 
I discard my food in the trash can, I really hate myself when I waste my food, but It is hard luck for me today.
He was eyeing me, watching me continuously. What should I do to stop him from doing that?
"You don't like that? " He asked.
" No, I mean the food was good but I don't feel like eating.” I shrugged.
He silently takes my movements in, I hate seeing his face with suspicious looks; The concern, The care, The anger, The uncertainty, and so many things, which is why I don't want to see him every time I face him, It feels like he wants to find something through me. 
I turn away to leave his office and suddenly I felt his hand wrap around my wrist, I dropped all the papers from my hand and our eyes glued at my wrist,
He turned my wrist carefully and stared. His fingers caressed my wrist marks which are not that visible now.
I could pull my hand from his but I couldn't, The look in his eyes was asking a million questions that were unspoken, and he was just starring at my wrist like I am glass. As if I will break,  partially which is right. I hate being this version of me really;
Carefully, I avoid his eyes and withdraw my wrist from his grip, I gathered my paperwork and left his office without looking back. He was still in his place like a statue, I knew what he was thinking about me but I can't break, Not in front of him. I needed to go away from him as soon as I could.
Once I reached the stairs. and I reached the lobby; it is the only place where no one will see me. I collapsed on my knees, I don't even ask him why he held my hand. What was he trying to say? I just couldn't!  Why it’s so difficult? Why? I have been living my whole life like this, no one ever bothers to ask me, And if anyone could, I would have just ignored them. Why should it be so difficult with Ethan?
I took several deep breaths, I know what I have to do. I am not a glass thing. I am an optimistic one, I can manage all things by myself.
I stood up, cleared my clothes, clean my face, and go ahead. I can't see that look on his face again maybe never ever.