Headlights

05 Maybe

In silent screams, I never dreamed of this.

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She was beginning to memorize every single detail of his car. Every single time she hopped in the passenger seat, her feet would slide over the mountain of papers on the floor and she would grab onto his shoulder. Sometimes she would find herself sitting on top of an old brochure about Canada. It always looked like a paper monster had thrown up in the backseat. But to Calvin's credit, the exterior of the car was always squeaky clean without a splotch of bird poop in sight. And no matter the circumstance, the purr of the running engine always comforted her for reasons she didn't know.

This time, they were driving somewhere a little closer to home. She still wasn't sure where, since he had been keeping his mouth obstinately closed ever since they began the trip. By the look of the camping equipment in the trunk, though, they were going somewhere without a Wi-Fi signal.

"Calvin..." she whined after a while as she watched the headlights of the car shine through the gray morning. "I need to use the restroom."

He kept his face stoically straight. "Hold it in."

"I can't."

His face cracked as he looked over to her. "Stop it."

"I can't."

He turned on the turning signal and started switching lanes. "Fine, if you must."

"I was kidding."

He rolled his eyes. "You are so annoying sometimes."

She leaned over and popped a kiss on his cheek, leaving behind a bright red lipstick mark. "Sorry." Not sorry, she added in her head. After all, she was allowed to play around with his head since he played with hers so much already, whether it was intentional or not.

"You're not sorry." He entered an exit. "Babe, you really need to work on your lying."

Yeah, she added in her head. She didn't know how she would ever pretend to be fine if this dream ended.

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He parked in a little parking lot surrounded by tall evergreen trees. It was misty again, so when she got out, tripping over the papers on the floor, the damp, cool air embraced her, lipstick and all. She slammed the door behind him and joined him at the trunk to unload.

It was a little infuriating how he refused to let her carry the backpacks, saying that he would take care of them as if she was some six-year-old that was more of a bother than a help. She knew he didn't mean it that way, but still, she trudged away into the woods, chest stinging as she dragged in the tent.

Still, she had to wait for him to show her the camping site. As they pushed through the leaves from fall and branches sticking up from nowhere, she wanted to say something. But nothing she could say would be relevant, since she knew close to nothing about the outdoors. She kept her peace.

When he dropped the bags on level ground that wasn't covered with too many branches and rocks, she set the tent down carefully. She looked up at him. "Is there a proper bathroom nearby?"

"You'll never let that go, will you?" He knelt down next to her and undid the straps of the bag holding the tent. He pointed in the direction a little west of where his car was parked. "It's somewhere over there. If you need to use it, tell me. You'll get lost otherwise."

There came the implication that she was helpless again. She pushed aside the thought and nodded. "You've been here before?"

"My dad used to take us here. We lived in the suburbs of New York, remember? This is relatively close to our house." He stopped in his work and stared off into the trees. God, he looked so gorgeous, staring right off into the trees like that. She licked her lips slowly.