𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐦𝐛 | 𝐇. 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑

[ 09 ]

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐘𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆. Whilst she did manage to avoid snoozing her four a.m alarm, sliding out of bed almost instantly despite not having slept a wink the night before, it was no secret that she felt numb. As she brewed her coffee, she stood in complete silence, refusing for any thoughts to echo through her mind, fully aware that they would ruin her if she gave them the chance. As she stood in the shower, she was completely motionless, boiling hot water droplets sliding off her body. She was too afraid to close her eyes, terrified that she'd hear the word 'fragile' once more but in such a state of shock that she couldn't do anything.

It was like her mind was punishing her for letting her emotions slip so tragically. Harvey had always admired her for her composure, resilience and strength yet she'd completely destroyed that perception of herself for a selfish, touchy woman with a secret that was totally on edge. And she absolutely resented herself for it. So, she'd closed off even further, subconsciously deciding that she had to become a complete machine - no one would ever be able to see the cracks, that way. That way, she would get through this unscathed, even if she no longer had Harvey's help.

After spending the entire evening completely empty at the thought that she'd lost him, Marilyn refused to even think about him, scared about what she would do if she did. She couldn't be irrational anymore, she had to be smart, neutral and composed. She couldn't afford to make another mistake, even if she would be saving Jonathan's ass more than her own. Her throat dried at the idea that she was sheltering a criminal but she refused to think about it as she pulled her cashmere sweater over her head. She didn't know what to anymore, nor did she really want to.

Once she'd double-checked that her tote bag had all the necessary items, she slipped on some well-worn trainers, bracing herself for the uncomfortable Jimmy Choos she was going to wear in less than an hour, and grabbed a raincoat. Just like she would always do, she checked herself over in the mirror. But the minute she did, she regretted it massively, detesting what she saw glancing back at her. Her infamous ocean eyes looked dull and miserable, the bags under her eyes heavy, puffy and dark. She looked like a ghost, so transparent that she was contemplating going to work. If she looked as see-through as she thought she did, she wouldn't have a secret eating away at her anymore. She'd have the entire world calling her a villain, instead.

At this point, she couldn't decide what was worse.

Shaking off her thoughts, she forced a smile for practice's sake but instantly shuddered at how plastic it made her look. With her hands uncontrollably shaking, she plastered yet another grin and continued to adjust her face in order to achieve the perfect smile. As she inhaled, her shoulders slumped with disappointment and fatigue overpowering any strength that she had within her. This was the most pathetic that she'd ever felt, the first time that she'd ever had to rehearse her smile before walking out of the door. She sighed, shaking her head at how ridiculous it all seemed. She just didn't know how to play Marilyn Manson anymore.