I can change him
"Christine, aren't you tired of him yet? I mean walang papupuntahan ang relasyon niyo kung hindi siya magbabago" ate Jane exclaimed while putting a band aid on the side of my lips.
Those words are not new to me anyway because everybody says that, but I'm not giving up on him still. "Hindi yan. Magbabago siya ate, kaya ko siyang baguhin" I gave her a reassuring smile.
My phone suddenly rings and the caller is unknown.
"Hello?"
"Ahhm this is Ivan's Girlfriend right?"
---
"Kuya wait lang po ah, saglit lang to promise!" I told the taxi driver as I rushed toward the club where Ivan is.
I found him lying on the muddy ground outside the club like a sh*t for being totally drunk.
"Ivan come on let's go home" I put his right arm around my neck to support his weight and we are about to leave but then one of the waiter handed me a bill which costs 10 thousand pesos.
"Our club is totally a mess because of him, pero kung sabagay naiintindihan ko siya coz he lost the game ....again" I let a out a deep sigh after hearing what the waiter said.
I was left with no choice but to give the last money I have in my wallet, gosh! That's supposed to be used for the water and electricity bills for this month.
----
"Love, why don't you try to apply for a full time or part time job, you know what I'm saying?" I tried my very best to sound as if I'm just suggesting something but the truth is I really wanted to be frank.
Ivan looked at me with Here-we-go-again look. "Alam mo naman na I'm not good at anything except playing darts love, don't worry I assure you that I'm gonna win tonight"
Ivan knows that I'm going to bug him all day about this job thingy that's why he left me alone in his apartment.
"Today is my day off though. You forgot about your promise again, we're suppose to see a movie together right?" I asked the chair like a fool.
I tried not to cry because I know that I can change him...maybe soon?
It's already 11pm but Ivan isn't home yet, I wonder If he lost again this time. Upon hearing a noise outside, I automatically stood up and opened the door.
"Why don't you turn on the lights?" He asked plainly.
"Actually, I was not able to pay the bills last month and for this month that's why our electricity is cut" I answered.
He throws his jacket on my face and I'm no longer surprised for what he did because he's usually like this when he is drunk.
"Yun na nga lang ang gagawin mo nakalimutan mo pa? STUPID!" I wanted to say that it's all because of him but then he went straight to bed.
My everyday becomes like that.
He keeps on going home late and I keep on waiting. He keeps on beating me when he's drunk, the next morning he'll apologize and I also keep on forgiving.
Until one day, I was slapped by a bitter realization.
----
"What happened to your face? Did I-" I guess he realized that he did it again last night.
"I'm so sorry love it'll never happen again" his voice broke as he rested his head on my chest.
I slightly pushed him away from me. "Ivan it took me years to realized that they are right. I-I can't change you" droplets of pain and realization escaped from my eyes.
"Are you giving up on me too? Love naman please, magbabago na ako para sayo" those words are like gunshots that hits the inside of my ribcage.
"Ivan, hindi ako o kahit sino man ang kailangan mo para magbago. You have to do it on your own"
He looked at me with a betrayed eyes "You're just like them, iiwan mo rin pala ako sa huli"
"Ivan hindi kita iniiwan, I just wanted to give you time para magbago...yung totoong pagbabago" I walked towards the door with my suitcase but before I took the last step to be finally out of the room, I looked at him for the last time.
"I'm going to leave the door open and whenever you're ready to come out of your world, I'll be just right outside waiting for you"
My heart ached when He didn't even look back as I stepped out of his dark apartment.
-Joy-within
