Vicarious Paris: One woman's candid account of moving to Paris, with insights on: food, nightlife, and living like a local

Chapter Two: Making sense of the tourist trap (part 1)

Now would be the time in the “Paris to-do list” to focus on the big-name landmarks. It crossed my mind, but that would mean another chapter with barely a mention of food. This seems cruel and unusual.

My candid impressions of Paris’s biggest landmarks are on deck, but first let’s assume it’s midday in Paris, and you’ve recently finished with the Louvre or the Notre -Dame Cathedral. I gather you’re feeling quite proud of yourself, as well you should! The dream is real, you’ve seen some iconic things, and you’re navigating your way through a foreign country. It’s a triple-threat reason to give yourself a solid high-five, but it’s exactly when you’re in this state...that you’ll stumble into Paris’s biggest tourist trap.

This stumble is caused by a subtle invisible force, magnetic in nature, and strongest just outside of Notre-Dame. You’ll step outside the cathedral in a dizzying state (assuming you just descended the winding steps of Notre-Dame tower), but you’ll know well enough to get off the island fast. It’s not that Ile de la Cité is scary like Shutter Island, but with the nearby hospital and police station offering little in the way of stimulation, you’re likely to follow the crowd across the bridge and onto the left bank of Paris.

Any one of three nearby bridges will lead you towards the left bank, and right into Paris’s Latin Quarter. This fifth arrondissement is famous for its literary past, the Sorbonne University, the Panthéon, the charming hilly streets, and its proximity to historically-significant cafés (the main ones are in the 6th, but they’re just a few steps away). In short, it’s a must-see on anyone’s Paris to-do list. So go on then, won’t you please? No tourist trap problems here.

Not yet, anyway.

Okay you’re crossing the bridge, tra-la-la, you’re bumping into tourists (i.e. a plethora of people armed with tripods and their quest for the perfect cathedral shot), and suddenly you’ve made it across the river.

Now that you’ve crossed the bridge and are safely back on land, you are officially in Paris’s biggest tourist trap. Just like that. It didn’t even take two seconds.

But how can that be? It’s just a bunch of restaurants and terraces with charming wicker chairs, and lots of happy people having a good ol’ Paris time. Yes, it seems quite innocent on the surface, but there’s something very un-Paris-like bubbling underneath.

With a healthy measure of disdain, I will henceforth refer to this area as “the trap,” okay? The trap is a block of little side streets bordered by: the Seine river, Rue du Petit Pont, Boulevard Saint-Michel and Boulevard Saint-Germain. At any point in the day, there are hundreds of tourists milling about in this area, drawn in by an irresistible sight:

-The glorious cobblestoned side streets

If you hail from any place that isn’t old Europe, you likely ache for the cobblestone, and you even welcome the bumpiness. These streets are simply far more exciting than the uniform sidewalks that border the uniform buildings from whence you came.

So let’s assume you’re in the trap; what are the identifying traits?

1.           Conversations that are mostly in English, Japanese, or German

2.           An abundance of men in Hawaiian shirts, straw hats, and Birkenstocks over their socks

3.           A performer doing a dance while balancing a fish-bowl on his head, to the joyful reactions of adults and children alike

Aside from these visual cues, the trap lays claim to a very important benefit for a tourist who’s short on time: