i still do || n.h au

fourteen

the first fight

Niall went home as soon as he's done with his training that didn't last as long as it usually did. His coach was in a good mood, still happy from their win yesterday, as did his other teammates, but even so, their good mood didn't rub off on him. He mostly kept to himself, did everything their coach wanted them to do and when they're done, he was the first one to leave.

Back at home, Niall spends the remaining of his day on his couch with the television on, trying and failing to ignore the one thing that's been on the forefront of his mind since he woke up this morning: Astrid Chan.

It doesn't take him long to realise that he's being harsh on Astrid. That he's being unfair for not giving her a chance to explain what happened last night and for completely ignoring her when she tried to reach out to him. He's aware of the fact that he's acting like a jerk. And yet, there's still a part of him, albeit a tiny part, that makes him believe that he's doing the right thing. He's protecting himself -- his heart. And if it means acting like a jerk, then so be it.

"Christ," Niall mutters to himself as he runs a hand down his face. Did he really just think that it's okay to be a jerk to protect himself? That's not how he's brought up. That's not him. What the fuck was he thinking? Had he really been so far up his arse that he didn't stop to think about Astrid's feelings? That he had allowed his insecurities, his fears to take control?

He hates that he knows the answer to this (it's a yes).

Niall's about to get up and find his phone when he gets a call from the doorman. He gets that call whenever he has guests -- someone apart from Oscar and Matt -- and right now he can't think of anyone who would want to come and see him. Which is why when he's told that there's an Astrid Chan coming to visit him when he picks up the call, he's so shocked that the doorman almost takes his silence as a no. But then he quickly snaps out of it and tells the doorman to let her come upstairs and that she's allowed to come upstairs whenever she's here.

Niall is still reeling with shock when Astrid steps inside his home, into his personal space, and when she greets him with a soft smile, one that has never failed to melt him, he almost misses it. But then she steps closer to him and her mere presence brings him back to reality.

His anchor.

"Hey," he smiles at her. She returns his smile with one of her own but it's the kind of smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. He doesn't like it one bit. He knows he should say something else other than a hey but having Astrid in front of him has made his brain short-circuited. So he leads her to the living room instead. He gestures for her to take a seat on his couch and she does, and he occupies the seat next to her, leaving a much-needed space between them.

"You've been ignoring me," she points out when he remains silent. Always straight to the point. Niall likes that about her. It's daunting but it's refreshing at the same time. People often waste their time beating around the bushes but Astrid's not like that. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

Niall opens his mouth, about to tell her no when he stops himself. Starting this conversation with a lie won't be right. He lets out a sigh and admits, "A little, yeah."

"A little?" She repeats like she doesn't believe him. He wouldn't have believed him either because his actions said otherwise.

Niall chews on his lower lip, mulling over his words before he speaks. He doesn't want to end up saying the wrong thing so he needs to make sure everything that will come out of his mouth is something that he means to say. "I was mostly mad at myself."