Wildling

Chapter 18

~~~Ember's POV~~~

I woke up before Jaxson. I had slept enough. The sun was just barely streaming in through the window. It must be close to 6. I got up carefully, as to not wake up my sleeping mate.

Ugh that seems so weird to say.

I was still very hesitant to bring Jax into all my shit, but it seems like he isn't giving me much option.

I slip on black leggings, my black hoodie, and my corset. I lace up my combat boots and gear myself with my knives and bow and quiver. I pull up my cowl and hood, so it covers most of my face and then Accalia and I slip quietly out the door. I needed to work off some of this tension I have.

Accalia and I walk the winding path that leads towards town. It will branch off towards the mountain and we can go train in the clearing. Jaxson must be awake by now. No doubt he'll come looking for me.

The walk gave me time to think things over. I think I will come completely clean to Jaxon. Lay all the cards on the table and he can decide what he genuinely wants. The selfish part of me wants desperately for him to accept me entirely, but the logical part of me doesn't want him to go through that pain.

How would he and his wolf feel to watch their mate get raped and tortured, repeatedly over the course of a year. How would he feel to know that I did in fact conceive that bastard's child only to lose it after three months? The torture and lack of movement, sunlight, and nutrition had taken a toll on my body.

And dear lord. How would he feel when he listens to my thoughts? When he sees how fucked up, I am to actually grieve the loss of that child.

Yes. I was distraught. My child conceived forcefully by rape to the devil himself, yet I still wept. I still longed to have that child still growing inside me. It was innocent in all this. It never deserved the fate that was bestowed upon it.

I always dreamed of a little girl. Mommy's mini me. My best friend. I would teach her lessons of the world. How it can be cruel and tormenting but absolutely beautiful at the same time. The world can be a terrible place but the adventure that is life is full of unexpected surprises. And it can be worth the pain. She would have been loved regardless of who her sperm donor was.

It wasn't meant to be. She was ripped from me. I can remember the agonizing cramping. The feeling of my blood leaking from me, down my legs. My feet so slick with it that it was difficult to stand.

It was his fault. He claims I purposely aborted. But it was after a night that he had raped me so forcefully I tore worse than when he took me the first time. Come to find out he had also still been dosing me with wolfsbane. He was petrified my wolf could come back into power.

It was his fault and yet he blamed me. Blamed me so much he finally let me go. But not before making sure I could never have a child again. He sliced up my uterus. I was half passed out from the wolfsbane he had given me to kill Aoralia. He had a doctor suture me up, making sure I lived and then he dumped me on the outskirts of town.

How would Jaxon take that. The fact that I grieved and still do, the loss of that child. He would never forgive me.

We had reached the fork in the path and I began my way towards the mountain. Suddenly I heard Accalia growl. She was pointed toward the direction of town, her ears laid back on her head, hackles raised.

Dear lord of this is Travis again I'm seriously going to kill him. I'm so fed up with this.

I silently crept closer to the opening of the trail, ducking behind a tree where I could watch them.