Oranges & Roses

Why Didn't You Tell Me?

Unedited. 

Chapter Sixteen

The drive back was supposed to be a long one, filled with tension and cutting glances, at least on Rey’s part. But instead I ended up falling asleep not even five minutes after he drove onto the black top and I didn’t wake up until the car was parked for longer than the couple of seconds it would be at a light.  

Even then it took Rey touching my shoulder for me to fully meet the waking world.

“We’re here,” he said quietly.

“That we are.” I yawned and checked my face for drool. I may no longer care about what Rey thought but I still didn’t want there to be drool. That stuff ruins everything. “Well…it’s been fun. Let’s not do this again.”

Just as my hand landed on the door, he spoke. “There’s one thing I have to ask and I know I have no right to expect an answer but I still want one.”

This had the potential to be a mundane question or one of those major ones that blows things to shit. And if I knew anything about Rey, he never asked mundane questions.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me about what Ford did to you? About the baby? Why did you let me hear it second hand?”

And there was that lovely subject I’d managed to escape from with him for so long. My hand automatically started to shake where it rested on the handle. How was I supposed to answer that? I could be defensive, tell him it wasn’t any of his business. And truth be told it wasn’t any of his business, not then and certainly not now. Not after I laid down the law back at the open field. The last thing I wanted to do was provide a freaking bonding moment because me talking about that with him is what it would become. What he said to me at Wal-Mart came whispering in my head and I knew only the truth would do.

“I didn’t want you to know.” I sat back in my seat, resting my hands in my lap so the shaking wouldn’t be noticeable. It was a weak reason, I knew that, but it was the truth. “It wasn’t something about me I ever wanted you to know.”

“I think that’s something you should’ve told me.”

“Why? So you could look at me differently?” I shook my head and scanned over the glove compartment in front of me. “I don’t go around telling people that my ex carved me up because he wasn’t ready to be a daddy. It’s a real mood crusher.”

The leather was soundless as he readjusted himself in the seat so he was facing me. I didn’t know what he was going to do so I just sat there, as still as prey waiting to be scooped up by a predator. He brushed hair off my face before trailing his fingertips across my cheek.

“I would never look at you differently, Oranges. I still see you the same way I did before I found out. I just wish you’d told me yourself, trusted me enough to let me in…”

“How?” I finally looked over at him, staring in his eyes to convey how upset I was. “How was I supposed to trust you enough to tell you something like that? My life is one thing but my secrets are another. I didn’t know you then and I still don’t know you now. Not really. Just because you tell me a few things doesn’t mean I know you. Nothing I knew about you was real a few months ago and even now most of it is still shrouded in mystery, all lies and slides of hand…” I shook my head. “I want to trust you with my secrets, I do. I want so many things with you but how do I know it’s real? How do I know it’s not just a part of your cover? How do I know once I tell you things that it’s just not to help you get what you want? How do I know it’ll exist when this is all over? You want me to talk to you, you want me to tell you everything, but which you would I be telling? Which you would I be trusting? The gangster or…”