Kai's History

19 Years Old (Part 5)

Yes, you're reading it right, you are on part 5. You're probably thinking: "Part 5? His life at 19 years old was very eventful" and yes, yes it was. I might be writing more because it was more recent than the rest of the stuff I've written. Meaning I'll recall more stuff. But I'm only writing what I remember so here we go.

By this point, we've finished the play and we are now looking for Olivia and Lyra which was more difficult of a task than we thought. We looked everywhere, including the actors-only rooms (at least the ones we were allowed in before) and then we got bored of looking around for her. So we just left and waited outside instead.

Turns out Lyra was waiting for us outside. Olivia, on the other hand, had left... With James. During a small argument that had brewed up between Lyra and Nova (of which I don't recall the reason of but it was probably about James), I stayed silent. The third wheel of the argument. Nova walked away from the argument and Lyra asked me to help her out so I followed Nova. I wasn't sure if she needed her space or not but if Lyra thought she would need me to comfort her, I would. After all, she has known this Nova longer than I have.

Nova and I walked into a darker place that didn't have many people around. My memory fades away here, I might have been blocking it out, but she basically yelled and blamed me for her broken love life and that she shouldn't have brought me to live with her.

I was so furious at myself for making her feel this way and that she was blaming me for things that, at the time, I thought was true. So, I broke my facade and confessed to her who I was. That I was Kai and not 'Chris'. That I was that kid she knew all those years ago, not some random guy on the streets. The kid who played hide and seek with her at her house, not an intruder that didn't belong. The kid that tried to be the best for her but yet she deserted me in the end.

I was pouring out all the things I was keeping away from her and kept pouring them out. But ultimately, when I saw her shocked eyes and slightly sad frown, I knew I fucked up. Fucked up real hard. So I shut my mouth and apologised. My apology didn't do much since the next thing she did was turn back towards her apartment all without a word.

All my fears of being left alone came back and I froze like a statue. I couldn't walk or call after her. I didn't want to beg for her to take my apology just like I didn't want to beg for money. Plus, she really needed her time to think through everything.

I sat down on the grassy floor and started to shiver, I couldn't tell if it was because I was cold or because I was scared of going back to my old life of sleeping alone in the alleyway. Staying in this state for a few seconds was horrifying, never mind a minute.

Thankfully, Lyra shook me out of it and gave me a hug. She hadn't seen me leave with Nova and went looking for me. This moment is what really made us best friends and I bet this is why Lyra is still Nova's best friend too. All we did was talk about what happened; I told her what I said to Nova and she told me what happened between Olivia, James and Nova. The situation was that James was going out with Nova but she stopped seeing him for a while so he started hooking up with Olivia.

We discussed this for a while until she said that I should go to Nova's apartment and talk with her. That she'll need explanations about all of this. Lyra offered a ride to her apartment and, after pondering if I should give up once more or fight for the chance of everything getting better, I decided to take up the offer.

I was scared shitless, although I didn't show it. I was terrified at the idea that I may never see Nova again after this but I risked it because I needed to. I don't know if I would have survived living outside again.

Lyra was right, I can't just give up or hide or forget, I gotta fight. I fretted about all of this during the car ride. We didn't speak, Lyra knew I was deep in thought. She wished me good luck as I left the car. I'm still so fucking glad that she helped me get the courage to talk with Nova then.