The Art of the Hustle (Complete)

Chapter Forty-One

It was a little past ten in the morning and I was home watching the market, still in my housecoat. Fortunately, class was cancelled so I was able to relax at home without having some tweed jacket professor blabbing in my ear.  

There was a knock at my door, so I got up to answer it. It was Dan. I invited him in and offered him a smoothie, but he declined. He put his bag down on the floor and began his interrogation. 

"Dude, I saw some girl sneaking out of your apartment early this morning, who was that?" he asked. 

"It was just this girl from class." 

"Who?" 

"I don't know, I didn't catch her last name, Jessica something," I said with a slight smirk, then I took a drink of my morning smoothie. 

"You mean that hot girl from our class?"  

"Yeah, you know, it's no big deal." 

"What? No big deal? Of course it is. How the hell did that happen? Tell me everything." 

"Oh, Dan, don't bother yourself with all the details. All you need to know is that it happened, and it was amazing." 

"Shut up. I want details and I want them now." 

"There's nothing much to tell really. I was out at a bar on campus last night with some friends from my study group and we bumped into each other." 

"And?" 

"And... apparently we hit it off. She's actually a really cool girl. I think you would like her," I said, as I took a sip of my smoothie. 

"Go on." 

"Yeah, it's funny actually because we didn't see each other the whole night until after we were all leaving."  

"Oh, so you didn't bump into each other 'at' the bar, you bumped into her 'outside' the bar?" 

"I guess so, why? What are you getting at?" 

"I'm just trying to get clear with the details. Please continue." 

"Like I was saying, we were all leaving and then I hear some woman call out 'hey', so I turned around and there she was." 

"Where was your precise location?" 

"I was in the parking lot, just down the street from the bar." 

"What was your proximity to your car?" 

"I had one foot in, why?" 

"Oh, so you had one foot in?" Dan said, as he made a face. 

"Yes." 

"Alright, so it was at this point where you apparently 'hit it off', is that correct?" 

"Yes, that is correct." 

"I'm sorry to say this, Trevor, but you're dealing with a certified gold digger." 

"What makes you establish that conclusion?"  

"Let's go back to the beginning and run through the chain of events leading up to last night," Dan said, trying his best to sound like a trial lawyer cross-examining a witness. 

"One day, you're in class minding your own business and you see a hot girl. You say 'hello'. She is not rude, but is... shall we say, unfriendly?" 

"We shall." 

"Okay, so she is unfriendly. She obliges to your small talk, but gives you the very least amount of attention possible, one notch above completely ignoring you. Is that a fair assessment?" 

"I believe it is." 

"Then, after a chance encounter outside the bar one night, she decides she is going to call out to you, 'hey'. Isn't that right?" 

"Yes, that's right." 

"Was it not established," he said, as he raised his voice, "that her sudden change of heart coincided with your apparent proximity to a two hundred and fifty thousand dollar automobile, WHICH, by the way, she did not know you had when you first met her in class?" 

"That seems accurate." 

"Once she sees you, she does the exact opposite of ignoring you, and shows you all kinds of love and affection. Next thing you know, she is seen tiptoeing out of your apartment this morning with a slightly dissatisfied look on her face. I rest my case." 

"I must admit, it's a wonderful theory, and very well executed I must say. But I think you may have been a bit too hasty with a few of your inferences." 

"Is that a fact?" 

"Yes, sir, I believe it is." 

"Alright then, please enlighten me on the precise details you have inferred from said event." 

"Like you said, I was minding my own business one day in class, when you inform me of a hot chick sitting next to me. I didn't even notice her at first; you had to point her out to me. Isn't that right?" 

"Yeah yeah yeah, get on with it." 

"That means she sat down after we sat down. She could have taken any seat in that room, but decided to sit down right next to me. Shortly after, I proceeded to engage in a little light conversation with her, but she remained focused on the lecture.  

"In our haste, we mistakenly interpreted this as being bitchy, or as we agreed, 'unfriendly', but we would not be doing our due diligence if we were to draw such a harsh conclusion based on such a brief interaction. After all, here is an obviously bright woman who was trying to understand the complexities of constitutional law when I rudely interrupted her. We certainly can't fault her for putting her education first. Besides, it could be argued she is experienced in the delicate art of seduction and was merely enticing her suitor by playing hard to get. 

"A few weeks go by and the guy of her dreams, me, has not said another word to her since our first encounter. She feels she has no choice but to take actions into her own hands. Fortunately for her, she happens to see me at the bar one night. 

"At first, she was too shy to come over and talk to me, but that all changed by the end of the night when she had a few more drinks in her. She finally built up enough courage to talk to me, but it was too late, I had left. Deciding this was her moment, she searched the bar, but could not find me anywhere. 

"Feeling as though her window of opportunity was closing, she went outside, desperate to find me. As fate would have it, she was in luck; there I was, walking down the street. She called out to me, but I did not hear her at first. She then dashed toward me, calling out again, 'hey', just in the nick of time, before I was about to drive off." 

Dan laughed and rolled his eyes, "yeah, that sounds about right. You are going to make a good lawyer someday, or maybe a good fiction writer, but unfortunately, I'm not convinced. Do me a favor, Trevor. As a social experiment, ask her out on a second date, but this time show up at her house in an old rusted Datsun. Tell her the Ferrari was a rental and see if she will sleep with you again."