//I Thought Maybe You'd Stay?// L.H.

THREE - BELL

//when I was drowning that's when I could finally breathe//

//One week earlier//

I don't remember falling asleep. My eyes are sore and still wet but I'm alive I just don't feel it yet. I still lay on the floor with the letter in my hand and the flowers on the table. I want to do the whole dramatic thing and throw them across the room but their too spectacular to live such a short and dreadful life. Instead I leave them and hope I'll forget they ever existed.

I find my phone and thankfully there's no messages from anyone. Mum hasn't pasted the news on like I asked her and right now I couldn't be more thankful. It was hard enough dealing with myself right now let alone having to explain to people why it didn't work out with your boyfriend who lived a plane flight away. I unpack my suitcase and my new little black dress is sitting right on top. The exact same dress I was supposed to be wearing out to dinner right now, has a different feeling. I pick it up and hug it to my face as I contemplate wearing it right now. I decide it's not a terrible idea to get dressed up and go out for dinner. What's the worst that could happen?

I don't want to feel sorry for myself so the least I could do is go to the hotels restaurant and order as many drinks as I can handle, while leaving the bill to Tom's dad.
This hotel is fancy and I surprisingly fit in with the rest of the crowd. Pretty blonde girls, with legs up to my shoulders and bodies that rival Victoria Secret models, are a dim a dozen here. I don't recognise any of them but I'm sure one of them must be famous. I scan the bar for familiar/famous faces but all I can seem to focus on is the cute young couple in the corner.

That could have been me but instead I'm sitting here with nothing but a gin and tonic.

I knew Tom was going to be special from the very first moment I laid my eyes on him. I was in London with a friend for 3 months when one of the places we were staying at was having a party. I wasn't really up for it but it turned out to be really fun. There was music, dancing and couches were everyone could sit and talk. I remember Tom walking in and thinking he was a loser for what he was wearing. Turns out he hadn't done any washing for about a month and when he sat down next to me it was the first thing he said.

"I just wanna let you know I'm sorry". He said as he turns around to face me, interrupting the conversation I was having with another girl.

"Sorry for what"? I laugh at the sudden confrontation.

"I haven't done any washing since I got here. If I had have known I'd be meeting someone like you, I might have dressed up for the occasion".

From that moment I should have realised he was going to be trouble. Boys that are into to me are nothing like Tom and it still confuses me to this today why he choose me, instead of some other girl.

After that night, he kept popping into my life and I began to really like it. He was the type of person I'd never picture myself with before I met him, but after, everything just felt right. He was the type of person I'd imagine slow dancing at friends weddings with and buying a house in the city with. Despite only being with Tom for over a year, I took a leap of faith at the end of semester and applied for a transfer to Sydney as a surprise for both us. It would have saved us so much money and I truly loved Sydney as a city so I thought why not. I found out yesterday that I'd passed all my subjects and received conformation of the transfer and I'd prepared this whole little speech that I was going to do. Then we were going to look for a house and the rest would be history.

It's clear now that I was the one who was more committed to the relationship.

I'm always the one who loves more.

I roll my eyes at the thought that's just crossed my mind and make eyes with one of the bartenders because I think I need another drink. I've gotta stop thinking about Tom. Or maybe I should just stop thinking all together. It's not doing me any good.