Forbidden - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 11

~ Next morning ~

Dean groaned as he was pulled out of his peaceful sleep. He tried to open his eyes but the light that hit his face made his headache worse.

"This is going to be one hell of a hangover" he thought and turned side so that the light from the window would no longer hit his face.

A hell of a hangover for sure.

Considering the amounts of alcohol he had consumed the night before, of course. And, well, it was not his fault. More like Lisa's, but he could not say no. She insisted that they had a few drinks at their place to celebrate their anniversary and Dean could not refuse doing so, after having forgotten to buy a present. Not to mention that he had even forgotten that it was their anniversary. And that had happened just because of you. The only thing in his mind.

Though there was something else in his mind this morning too. What had happened last night. He remembered clearly, despite the huge amount of alcohol he had consumed, Lisa trying to get him to bed with her. He remembered clearly how they both entered their bedroom and then she surprised him by pushing him against the door and kissed him with passion, while in the meantime working with unbuttoning his shirt.  His hands immediately went to her waist, gripping tightly and trying to push her away. However that was kind of hard considering how drunk Dean was and how difficult it was for him to really control his body, and thus gather the strength to push her away.

He remembered her leading him. or more like dragging him. to the bed and that's when realization hit him. He immediately pushed her away, using whatever excuse came to his mind. He knew that he could not do that to you, he loved you. And, then, he remembered Lisa smiling and telling him that it was alright and that she could help. He knew what she meant by 'help', especially with the way that she was touching him when he sat on the bed, but of course he kept saying 'no'; knowing that Lisa would stop and understand. He hoped so, at least, but then-

- then everything seemed blurry, while the room kept spinning, and then the only thing he remembered is darkness. Which is comforting, knowing that he did not do something that he would definitely regret because-

Another groan broke his trail of thoughts. He tensed for a while but then realized that (even if he did not want it) Lisa slept at the same bed with him...

For the time being he added in his mind.

A hand made its way to his bare chest.

Bare?

She probably had removed his shirt so that he would be more comfortable.

Yeah, that's right. Comfortable.

Dean groaned and turning he tried to remove her hand from where it was. Luckily he succeeded.

She giggled slightly and Dean opened his eyes, only to lock with hers.

"Good-morning handsome" she smiled at him and Dean tried to return it.

"Good-morning" he said back "How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Good. Well, considering the little amount of sleep that I got, of course" she giggled and Dean frowned.

He did not like the sound of that. Not at all.

"What do you mean exactly?" he asked getting up a little bit.

"Well, you know after our 'special' night, I did not get much sleep. I could not stop you either, though" she laughed slightly.

"No. We- we didn't-" Dean's eyes widened.

"Oh yes we did" she leaned in and pecked Dean's lips, who could not move an inch "It was amazing by the way, baby" she finished and got out of the bed.

Dean stood there in his place, too stunned to even move.

No he couldn't, he couldn't have done such a thing. He couldn't...

~*~ Time skip to Sunday morning ~*~

Dean groaned as he got up from the bed, stretching, and tried to get the sleep out of his eyes. He didn't even so bother to look at Lisa's sleeping form as he made his way to his bathroom and did his usual morning routine. Truth being that he wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible.  

And of course see you.

He hadn't been able to see you at all yesterday no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to see you and tell you everything that had had happened because he did not want to keep secrets from you. And although he was afraid what your reaction would be, he was willing to risk telling you what happened between him and Lisa wishing that you would understand that he was really drunk and did not even know what he was doing, if he had done anything. Because he was seriously starting to doubt that he had anything, seeing as he remembered nothing.

Walking down the stairs in his clean suit he grabbed his keys and made his way opposite the road where Sam was waiting for him. He looked to his left hoping that he would catch you walking out of your house but no such thing happened. Letting out a defeated sigh he walked towards Sam, who saw the look n his brother's face and asked what was going on.

On the way to the church Dean explained everything that had happened that Friday night to the morning after and how he had not seen you even get out of your house for a second, that day, which really got him worried.

"And why are you worried?" Sam asked his brother as the got closer to the church.

"I don't know man." Dean let out a sigh "I just... I mean it cannot be just a coincidence that she has not gotten out of her house" they both entered the church.

"Or her room for that matter. I asked Kieran and he told me that she has not even been talking" Dean said as both him and Sam walked down the aisle of the almost empty church, apart from the few people seating here and there and...

Dean's eyes fell upon the (h/l) (h/c) curls of the person he wanted to see more than anyone. They walked by you, Dean's eyes never leaving you, and locking with yours once you looked up from your hands. The somewhat sad and hurt look on your face turning into a cold, stoic one.

Dean did not break eye contact even when he and Sam sat at the other side of the aisle, a few rows ahead. He kept looking you in the eyes, frowning, eyes pleading for you to give him a sign that everything was alright. But you didn't and you abruptly turned your head to look down at your hands again. Dean could swear that he felt his heart crack at that moment but swallowing the lump in his throat he turned his head and looked down at his hands. His question now answered.

After a few seconds of staying like that, Dean heard movement behind him and turned his head to see you get up and quickly make your way out of the church. And so Dean immediately followed you, ignoring his brother's questioning looks.

Dean all but ran to catch up with you but luckily managed to do so. He grabbed you by your arm and made you turn to him.

"What?!" you asked feeling angry but above all hurt.

Dean let go of your arm and looked down "Sorry" he mumbled.

You let out a sigh "No. I'm sorry." you said and he looked up at you "Mr. Winchester" you completed and he cringed at the formalities.

Dean hesitated for a while but then got some courage and spoke "You saw us, right?" he said in a low voice.

You straightened up "Yes" you said with no emotion.

Dean run a hand down his face and then looked at you again "Look (y/n) you have to listen to me. I-" he started but you cut him off.

"No, Mr. Winchester. You have to listen to me... It's ok." you said and he looked at you frowning "It's ok that you did what you did. She is your wife. And I am nothing to you. You do not have to apologize for anything. And above all, you do not have to apologize for playing with my feelings" you said and he opened his mouth to speak.

But you put a hand up to stop him and continued "It's not your fault. You just wanted a break from your routine as a married man and nothing more. So what a better way than try your luck with the young girl that lives next door and will surely fall head over heels for you. Some action and suspense, trying not to get caught, hm?" you asked sarcastically "It's ok though. It's not your fault. It's entirely up to me. It's entirely my fault that I allowed myself to fall in love with you. It's entirely my fault that I believed that even in the slightest you would love someone like me, that you would have feelings even in the slightest for me.  It's entirely my fault that I fell for all the things you said. And it's entirely my fault that I believed all those things because I- I wanted them to be true. More than anything I wanted them to be true. But they were nothing but lies. And it's ok... It's ok that you lied and played with me like I was nothing. It's ok..." you ended up saying in a low voice; tears rolling down your cheeks and Dean felt tears well up in his eyes at the sight of you feeling hurt because of him.

"It's ok..." you gave him a sad smile, through the tears and before Dean could say anything you turned and ran away from him. 

And at that moment Dean knew what you felt. Heartbroken.

~~~

A week later...

And so the rest of the week passed. With him being heartbroken and you not knowing what to feel.

Of course you were heartbroken, hurt and sad. Everything that you believed in, that you wanted so much to believe in, was a lie. But you could not help it either. You could not help still loving him. You could not help still wanting to be with him and you could not help still wishing for it to be a bad dream from which you would wake up soon. Because as much as it hurt you, you still loved him with all your heart. Or more like, with all the broken pieces of your heart.

Letting out a sigh you walked down the almost empty hallway of your school. Finally it was Friday, and you would not have to watch him every day. Him or the hurt look on his face every time you refused to make eye contact, only because you knew that if you looked into those green eyes you would immediately either break down or give in. Whichever came first. Though you found yourself most of the time wishing that he would do something or that at least he felt something when looking into your eyes, because then that would mean that he felt something and-

You shook your head trying to brush the thought off. And so you did every time your hopes got up, most of the times because of the looks he gave you.

"Stop getting your hopes up, (y/n)" you murmured to yourself as you made your way to your locker.

You took some books from there end before you could turn and go away, a voice stopped you "Hey, (y/n)".

You looked to your left to see Sam approaching you in a haste.

You smiled at him and said "Good-morning Sam"

"Good- good morning" he said trying to catch his breath after the running.

"Jogging?" you asked with a giggle and he just shot you a bitch-face.

"No" he said and took a deep breath "I uhm, wanted to talk to you..."

"... about Dean" he completed and your smile vanished.

You cleared your throat and after avoiding eye contact for a while you looked up at him and spoke "Look Sam, I told him that it's ok and  that-" he cut you off.

"I know what you told him (y/n) but I think you should know something else too." he took in a deep breath and explained everything that Dean had told him that morning when they made their way to the church. Including Dean's state these days. How he had started drinking more and talking less, bottling his feelings up and not doing anything but staring out of the window, when he was at home, or at some specific item and shaking his head from time to time, running a hand down his face and mumbling incoherent things.

"And it's worrying me (y/n). Because although I know this is because of what happened between you two, I never thought it would be this bad." Sam explained and you looked down at your feet "So please (y/n). Please. Believe me, it's the truth. Even if something like that happened between him and Lisa, what Dean has told you is true. He loves you, (y/n). More than Lisa, more than anything else. And he cannot live without you, I can see it for myself. Please think about it. I know it's killing you... both, to be apart" he finished with a sympathetic smile and you looked down at your hands. Tears welling up in your eyes, not knowing what to do anymore.

You wanted more than anything to believe what Sam was saying, what Dean had said. But if you did, then who would assure you that it was not a lie. That he was not trying to get you back just so that he would continue his game.

If it was a game. Because as much as you tried to suppress the thought and as much as you wanted it to be true, there it was. The thought of him really being in love with you. The thought of him still wanting you more. The thought of everything he had told you... being true and not just a game.

Because if it wasn't, would Sam not tell you something? Sam was a good friend and you trusted him so what he was telling could not be a lie...

... could it?