I'm Sorry

"Elizabeth, all you have to do is stop saying sorry." My therapist, Mr. Tucker, said. He sat back in his seat as if he had just discovered a hidden secret of the world.

I knew I had to stop. Saying sorry for everything I did wrong was not healthy. My boyfriend, Jeremy, was the one to advise I get a therapist, to help boost my self-esteem and confidence. I couldn't help it, whenever I felt sorry or guilty for anything, the words "I'm sorry" would escape my lips.

I rolled my eyes discretely at his behavior. "I'm sorry. I'm trying."

"There you go again."

"I'm-"

"No you're not." He cut me off. He leaned forward, as if he was going to explain his new discovery. "Instead of saying sorry, replace it with something else."

"I'm sorry?" I asked.

"No. No. No." He chanted.

I chuckled under my breath then realized that was the closest thing to a laugh I did today.

"No seriously." I said. "I don't understand."

"Oh. Well basically instead of saying I'm sorry, you can say 'I understand' or 'Of course' Miss Vikings".

I sat across from him thinking it can't be that simple but it really was. Here I was, a 23 year-old woman wasting money at a therapist office when all I had to do was replace my words.

I got out my chair, ready to leave his office with new found confidence.

"You're right! I'm so sorry for- I mean of course. I understand."

I walked out his office, without saying goodbye, but I wasn't going to apologize for it.

"Hey babe. How was your first session?"

Jeremy called me just as a reached my best friend, Barbara, house.

We been dating for a 11 months now. It would have been twelve if it wasn't for a incident. He cheated on me and I told him I forgave him but I couldn't find it in my heart yet to do so. Now that I think about, I think I apologized to him afterwards....

"It was fine. Great actually but can we talk later? Barbara wants to have coffee"

"Oh ok. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner?" he asked.

She knew Barbara had to tell her something and they usually talked for a while whenever they were together so she was probably going to be late.

"I'm-" she bit her tongue in annoyance with herself.

"What was that babe?"

"I understand that I might be a little late."

She thought that over in her headand decided that it made sense. She hung up before she could change her mind.

Barbara served tea because she ran out of coffee beans. She sat besides Elizabeth on the couch.

"So what's up?"

Barbara took an audible gulp. This was still hard to talk about.

"My mom passed away." Barbara's mom was slowly dying from lung cancer. Barbara knew this day would come but atleast she would have her best friend to comfort her.

"I understand" Elizabeth said. Barbara was taken back by this answer. She swallowed her tears before trying to continue.

"What do you mean you understand? Both your parents are alive." Barbara asked.

"I mean of course you're hurting."

Barbara was confused by her weird behavior. She got up from her seat on the couch and started to walk towards her room.

"You can let yourself out." Barbara yelled over her shoulder. She was confused by Elizabeth's behavior but she wasn't going to question and just assume it was some weird phase she was going through where she had to be cold.

Elizabeth knew Barbara was upset but knew better than to run after her because there would be too much apologies, so instead she pulled out her phone to text Jeremy."Scratch that. Let's have dinner earlier."

After her thirty minute shower, Elizabeth walked out to check her phone for the time. She noticed she had three missed calls from her boss, Mr. Boss. That was just as bad as receiving one missed call from your mom.

She quickly called back, knowing he would be mad. She worked at a huge corporation as Mr.Boss' secretary and personal assistant, filling all his papers, attending all his meeting and fulfilling all his needs.

"Vikings. What's the meaning of this?"

"Of what sir?"

"Why are these reports not filed and typed?"

"Of course sir."

"What?!"

"I understand that I have to file the reports sir."

He was pissed but was also shocked by 'Vikings' confidence. Usually she was feeble and apologetic.

"Just get these reports done by tomorrow."

He hung up and she sighed happily while hurriedly changing so she could meet Jeremy.

He opened the door, pulled out her chair, ordered a drink for her and that still wasn't enough for Elizabeth.

They ate in silence while every one around them laughed happily. When ever Jeremy looked like he was going to start a conversation, he was just stuff another piece of steak in his mouth. He finally had enough of the silence.

"Elizabeth? You know I love you right?"

She nodded her head because of the shrimp in her mouth.

"And that I love you?"

This time she did answer. "Yes."

"So would you do me the pleasure of being my wife?"

By this time, he had gotten down on knee and captured the attention of the whole restaurant.

"I know I messed up and I'm sorry" she cringed at those words. "But if you promise to be my wife, I'll apologize to you for the rest of your life."

"I understand that you love me but of course I can't marry you." She paused and realized how horrible she sounded. "No. No. I mean of course you love me but I understand that I can't marry you."

She slapped her hand over her mouth to prevent herself from saying 'I'm sorry' and ran out the restaurant, with Jeremy still on his knees and the whole restaurant staring after her.

Bright and early, she was in Mr. Tucker's office.

"So how did you do?"

"Good" she responded in a monotone.

"Did you use sorry at all?"

She quickly explained what happened the day before how she didn't even try to say I'm sorry.

Mr.Tucker chuckled under his breath sheepishly. "Elizabeth I said don't say sorry so much. Not turn into a robot"

She grabbed her purse quickly realizing that he was right.

"I have a lot of sorrys to say." she thought as she walked to the door.

"Oh and Elizabeth?"

She turned away from the door to face him.

" Your credit card declined."

She sighed and turned back to the door.

"I understand. I mean I'm sorry."