Concerning That Which Cannot Be Understood

Words On Love

From a conversation on love.

I'm along the lines of the Platonic/Socratic ideals of love - which are three necessary levels: the first level of the physical, the second level of the emotional, interests, personality, sharing life together etc and then the third and the "strongest" according to Plato's thoughts on the abstract ideal - that the more abstract you get the more eternal and universal things are. Like for instance, Northrop Frye's literary criticism that there is no piece of literature that does not deal with the question Who Am I? - that is identity and the question of identity. And no one could prove him wrong. Going as universal as that presents an eternal. So the third would be two people connecting via philosophy, values, spiritual convictions, beliefs, dreams, ideas on life and so on. In my past relationships, for example, I would actually talk about the idea of trust, the idea of communication - well the idea of love. Because I believe true love is not according to the fluctuating emotions - one day you can be happy, another day you can be sad, one day you can feel like you're in love and the other day not, even if it's strong enough, it may change after a period of time - but true love is in a sense a conscious will and choice to be committed to someone, to be open with someone, to care for them and love them, every day. It requires determination. And from both parties. All my relationships lasted for a long time, more than a year, and the break ups were essentially mutual agreement due to ambitions in life, and quite peaceful. Of course all that said, I'm talking about ideals here, and there is no perfect in this world, but at least there can be the attempt to strive towards that. And of course even these so called abstract connections can change too, like worldviews or values being different later on. But there are also parts of the core of each person that do not fluctuate very much I believe. If there is a connection on that level of things, it can be much stronger. Actually just to continue on a little more - to me love is not like a separate thing here. I think the truth is most of the world is focused on emotions, which is lovely and is what makes us human, but we also have the rational intellectual and conscious side of us. The side that will be responsible and be stable. It's the same with all interpersonal relationships and any emotion and just how we live our lives. It's beyond just love, it's an entire encompassing philosophy for living. You know how China birthed Confucius and all. Japan and Korea and so on also studied Confucius texts. Thing is even Chinese culture has practically thrown away a lot of those fundamental groundings. Modern society has forgotten some of these virtuous harmonious teachings. Japan is actually pretty amazing because of all the complexities in society and their culture that they kept through rigorous attention and priority on education. Confucius values are still around but still everything is slipping away. The West emphasizes on emotions and self rights and freedom and do what you want. But that's not being fully or decently human in my opinion. There has to be the right balance. I also believe that everything is rooted deeply in the spirit and the mind, as in there are conscious, but in this case subconscious unconscious reasons behind every reaction or action. There's always a story behind the surface, that's what I've come to realize about every aspect of life. How much more complex is a human being, with mind, body, spirit and more! We have the "spark" of the Divine within us.

To a Christian sister after heartbreak:

I can only offer you words, of truth - whatever truth I can uphold to - and of hope. Be strong in whatever you are going through - surely from seas away it may seem insufficient or ineffectual but know that you are not alone. Such is life and love, there are the swells and pits of the waves and pain that accompanies it all - but also laughter and joy. The next morning comes a new day and a new hope, and we are meant to live beautiful lives full of potential and according to the grace and will of God. Don't forget many stand by your side and care for you. But most important God cares for you and loves you, like no other. He knows your heart, much better than I or someone else may. And he loves every part of you, and you are the beautiful you, made perfect in his image - no one can take away the love from God. No one can replace or match the unconditional love of God. While people fail and people hurt one another, while people turn on each other and hearts may change, the heart of God will never change. That is where our hope and our love lies. That is what love means. It is beyond the fluctuating currents of brief emotions and desire, beyond the flesh and the matters of the heart but it is a love of the entire being, of the heart, soul and of the mind, altogether. A love of grace and perseverance. But God has made us in His image and given us love so we can love. Trust in Him, for He has the best in store for us. And this includes love. A godly unconditional love from one another is possible and will be provided in due time at the right time. While failure and pain will always be a part of life, there is a love that will be greater and stronger that carries through all obstacle. To find that love will be the greatest blessing. You asked about love and my thoughts on love. Love is not just a feeling. A feeling is only the byproduct. Feelings are the aftermath and responses to experiences and metaphysical factors - there may be many reasons to love someone conscious or subconsciously - whether we understand them or not and the feeling is a reaction. It may be a deep spiritual and personal connection and it will manifest as emotion. So the love emotion is only a part of it. Indeed emotions are how we respond to the world, like a membrane with which we connect to each other and to the world around. True love surpasses emotion and becomes a deep spiritual connection, a deep connection between not only hearts but of the mind - in alignment of values, beliefs, ideals, ambitions, personalities, philosophies, and more. Plato's concept of love has a few stages, a first stage of the physical, second stage of the emotional and personal, third stage of the abstract ideals that are eternal - eternal love. And that is to say while emotions fluctuate the mind can create eternity. True love is the will to love someone. No matter what, a dedication, a determination, a conviction of love for someone (for God as well). No matter a happy day or a sad day (for we all know each day can swing from polarity to polarity), no matter whether someone feels in love or feels out of love, no matter drunk or sober, true love includes that of the mind, a very conscious decision - the decision to love someone with all heart, body, soul, mind in entirety. Easy to say of course. But even to understand this and take a step towards this is already beautiful and will great healthy relationships. No doubt, this is not a one way connection - it needs to be mutual. And there is no way we can control someone else. Therefore, we trust in the Lord. For he knows what is best, who is best and has an amazing plan for each of us. We have a tremendous God and a tremendous future to live out. The transience of emotion, life and the world in general is no worth dwelling on. There is always a brighter moment waiting for you - until we reach eternity. Take heart, the right love will come, the true love that reflects God's love for us. I too must wait and become stronger and walk onwards towards the future. You are blessed and loved. I apologize if this didn't help, and for the length. And also all the talk about faith, but when we hurt and falter, for we live in a flawed and transient world, who can we turn to if not God? The entire world is made up of a whole lot of subjectivity and instability. We can turn to Him, who is constant and loving and knows the future. Be strong