The Cracks in my Soul (My Testimony)

Enter God: Stage Right

When I was fifteen, God changed my life, and not in a way I would have picked but a way that turned out to be perfect.

I was standing outside my church in the dark after choir practice. It was cold, and I was shivering really hard because I get cold like flowers get bees. My mom told me to take a coat, but I didn't listen to her. Why in the world would I take a coat because my mom told me to?

Everyone else had already left, and my dad was taking forever (apparently he went to the wrong entrance and was getting rather miffed at me for not showing up).

Turned out an old man from my choir had decided to stick around in his car with his wife, and if they hadn't, I know I wouldn't be here. It was a fact that smacked me in the face.

If God didn't love me, I wouldn't be alive.

"I've seen too many bad things happen to girls your age waiting out alone in the dark," was what the he said. And he was right.

I was almost kidnapped, in the dark, without my coat, but God saved me through an old guy from my choir who probably didn't even know my name. I shouldn't be alive, but God saved me. I don't deserve it, but God loves me.

He called my dad and gave him a rather blunt speech about what was going on, and when my dad picked me up he wasn't impressed with anything about the situation. He snapped about me not telling him which door to pick me up at, and I was panicking so hard that I could barely breathe.

When we got home, I wanted my mom to hug me and tell me that I was safe and okay, but she didn't. She yelled at me for not being careful.

And so I went upstairs and got ready for bed. When I climbed under my blankets, I broke down completely. I knew that God had saved me, and I was suddenly overwhelmed by the sure knowledge that he loved me.

It felt like drowning in an ocean of sunshine. 

And I reached out for the first time in forever, and I told him that I was sorry. Sorry for pushing him away and for denying that he loved me. I told him that I needed him, and that I couldn't do this. I couldn't do it alone, and I couldn't shove through life without him anymore.

And I was saved, which was when the real work started.