Monster: A Werewolf Romance

57. IT WAS BETTER LEFT UNSAID

KAEA

I could not sleep. I knew I had hurt him, I could feel his numbness all the way to my bones. I knew what hurt him and I had used it, and I thought it would make me feel better, maybe even more powerful, shift the scales.

It hadn't. The only thing I could feel was slipping out of control.

But I was still surprised to find myself standing at the Alpha's house, and I could sense him in there, and I knew he knew I was out here.

The Alpha, Luna and my parents weren't home. They were at the office, doing god knows what, maybe just partying but we kids were not invited.

I stood at the door, afraid to knock. He was a few feet away, and he didn't open the door.

I knocked twice, my hands trembling.

The door opened, one inch at a time, He stood there, looking handsome but also like crap. A bottle of liquor was in his hands. I stared at them, for a couple of seconds, almost forgetting my words. He stood silent, and I realised I hadn't heard him say anything to him since the 'rotten' comment.

"I am sorry." I blurted. His expression didn't change.

"Why? You were right."

I looked at him, surprised. "No." I said, as sincerely as I could. Surprising myself. "I was very wrong."

I would have believed every word of what I said a few days ago. But now I knew that was not all he had inside of him. I am not going to pretend I would have been as cruel to him as be was to me for whatever reason, but... I could have been cruel. I am not a saint. And, I am much more forgiving sometimes than I like to be.

Whatever the case, I had been what Kyle bad been to me all those years. Something I never wanted to see myself be because who would understand better than me how much it hurt.

I had said what I had out of spite, out of buried memories, not out of reason.

"You were stating facts, Kaea. There is nothing wrong with that. It's nothing I never guessed about myself." He slurred, just a little.

I breathed. "Can I come in?"

He snorted softly, but his eyes were..."By all means." He gestured.

I came in, and we both sat on the couch, on opposite seats. He offered water, but I declined. He looked at me, with so much pain, it made me want to punch myself. I was not that person. I was not the person who hurt people like this.

"You are not... rotten, Kyle." He looked away. "You are sometimes stupid and sometimes cruel, but there is nothing...twisted about you. And, I am sorry I said that."

"You are not the first one to reach that conclusion. I am rotten, Kaea, so you are right to wish you never met me." He said nothing more, just took a sip of whatever it was that he was drinking.

I winced. I wish I'd never met you. I wish you were dead.

"I might have wished that sometime ago, Kyle, but not anymore." He shifted a little, and I knew he was listening. "I don't wish you were dead." I whispered.

There was a long pause, I stood and took the bottle from his hands. He stared at the table in thought but let it go. I kept it as far away from him as possible. Whiskey, almost empty.

"I... I am going to go." I said, starting to head out.

"What if there is something permanently broken about me, Kaea? What if there is something about me, that can never change?"

I stopped in my tracks. "What?" I wasn't sure I had heard right. "If I can believe people can change, so can you. You..." I had no idea what to say. "You have changed."

"Did you hate me when we were kids? Before I..."

I was now so confused by his constant shifting of his topics. "No." I answered honestly. "Why would I?"

That seemed to cast another wall between us. "Wonderful." He muttered. "Fucking great."

There was another pause, and I could go home, but I didn't want to leave him alone like this. Not like this. My feet didn't move, my eyes were stuck at him.

"Why do you want to go away? Away from your family? From Lee? From Andrew?" The bitterness in his voice surprised me. I thought he disliked Andrew because of some mate thing, but somehow it went deeper than that.

I did want to go away, at first. Start new. People do that all the time, and I would have met Lee and my family a lot of times. And then, I didn't want to go away, I was finally finding my place in this pack. And something... something with this very drunk guy in front of me.

But I did want to go to college. I wanted to learn, I didn't know what, yet. But something. I wanted to experience that, just once. Just enough to have my fill.

"Away from you?" I asked.

He snarled. "Of-fucking-course. I am the piece of shit who ruined your life. So now of course you can go off with your worthless boyfriend and you can both wallow in your uselessness together."

He immediately realised what he had said, but clearly his mouth was not connected to his brain. "Kaea, I am so sorry..."

"Have a good day, Kyle."

"Kaea...please, just a second."

Oh, so now he is going to pay attention to me. I grabbed the knob, but his hand enclosed my own, softly, gently. I could easily lift his hands and go.

But I didn't.

I could feel his warmth behind me and I shuddered. His thumb touched my inner wrist. I could not believe he was using his physical vices to make me listen, and I could not believe it was actually sort of working.

"What?" I managed to grit out.

"I...thought you hated me. I was lonely, and I thought you hated me when we were kids."

I whirled around, looking in his eyes. "That's why you did this? That's why you did that to me? Because you were lonely."

My breathing got fast and my blood was boiling. Was he serious?

"Kaea, I was stupid. Sick. I- "

I shook my head slowly, not believing this. "Am I just a punching bag to you?"

I didn't want to hear anything. I turned the knob and stormed out. His footsteps sounded so I turned for the last time. "Do not fucking come after me, Kyle. Fuck, I-" I breathed deeply, trying to keep my temper in check. I only calmed down to form actual sentences. "Do not show me your face. Don't talk to me. Just- stay the fuck away."

It was only that I reached home, and calmed down, that it crossed my mind that I should have rejected him right there. I could feel the tiniest bit of his emotions and I hated it, I hated it so much.

I didn't know why it made me so furious. Maybe he had changed. Maybe.

But he treated me like that because he was lonely? What the fuck? Was I so meaningless- was he such a psychopath?

As I lay in my bed, angry, frustrated and crying, I felt someone else feeling the same. But it grew number as the hours ticked away, and the booze in his system grew.

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I am not gonna lie, I totally forgot it one week had passed or three since I last updated. Quarantine is messing with my brain, lol. Sorry guys.

In the media box, you'll find, "Little do you know by Alex and Sierra". Sweet, painful and apt.

Hey, if you have any song in your mind that reminds you of Kaea and Kyle, please send them to me! Comment or pm, anything. I am running out of songs.

#StayHome guys!

K R Y S T L E