Depressing Rounds

Poem 33: A Peek Into My Mind

I hate the sad song
It reminds me
Of my mom
Damn probably should not expose this much
Of myself
But I've gotten going, can't stop
I now can't tell right from wrong
I'm sorry
That's what I tell my mom
I'm sorry I know I let you down, that's almost equivalent to a punch
I'm sorry, about my brother my mother
Baby falcon's growing up well though
Even if I can't see nor hear you

This all was written in tears
That's when I realize that I'm going through changes
Which is one of my greatest fears
Getting older,
And hopefully not colder
But I've promised once, now I'll promise again
I'll make sure the baby grows
And he knows about you
And doesn't forget you I'm sure sister and never will
Your our only mom
The one I love,

It's scary
Thinking of what comes after
Death
But please God I know your true
Please make sure mama is there with you
Now that she is no longer here
And suffering

I wonder why am I here?
Am I just wasting my time?
This life has finally gotten me to tear
Now I'll ask again what am I here for?
It's all I fear
Oh dear
Why am I alive?
Is there a purpose?

I'm afraid of the future
What it holds I don't know
You know that makes me really scared
I always thought I fared well, until now
I'm broke and no longer work
Will I be thrown away?
That's what we do with garbage, right?

Sometimes I just want to kill someone
Try out a gun
Maybe just try it for fun
Then brink their blood
Maybe then I'll be done

Sometimes I feel like I'm stronger than I was
Is that crazy?
To just think about us?
Maybe, I'm clearly mentally lost
Can I have a brain, what's the cost?

These are just some thoughts from lately
Am I crazy?
Please tell me baby

Who'd a knew
That if I gave you a view
Of my mind you'd go insane too
I'd a never had a clue
I'm starting to feel blue
Is that possible
Or even true, I bet no
You know, am I able

I fucking hate the mirrors
They are all just reminders
Of my mistakes
For goodness sake I am a bit full of hate
Just paint it all black
That Rolling Stone reference
Get it?
What pit?
Sorry answering my own thought, wait I'm thoughtless
And brainless
I wish life could be painless
If only there was No Love

These thoughts are leaking from my conscience
I'm so stupid ain't I
Just writing what comes to mind
To see what I'd find
Then posting it

I really wanna achieve Nirvana
You know?
I hope so
Wow, I've used second person a lot
Eh?
But what else can I say
I love the USA
The place that can bomb another country
Without telling nobody
Nor will nothing happen to it
It's a simple thought of the world

My favorite color is red
Like the bloodshed
From Kurt Kobane's head
When he shot himself dead
Man I'm absent minded
And what I mean is I can't find it

Man I hate music
I'm full of it
It's full of shit
Especially modern music

Fuck everyone!
Thats what I've said a lot
Especially when I'm done

If I were to die murdered in cold blood, tomorrow
Would it matter?
Would you feel sorrow?
The titter tatter of my blood,
Would any of you even know
No?