Dear Crush

22

23 March 2020

I told you we need to talk

So we called

I asked you if you like me

You hesitated

That pause

That was all I needed to know

I said "you don't like me do you?"

You said "yea"

You added

"Sometimes I do"

"Sometimes I don't"

I said
"No, you don't like me and you never did"

"You only find me when you're bored do you?"

"Yea, that's right", you answered

"We're still friends right?", You asked

I sighed, said goodbye and hung up

I'm someone to kill your boredom

I didn't mean anything to you at all

So I texted you

[3/23, 9:38 PM] Stargirl:
" I'm not a fucking toy you can play with. Remember when you told me you like me? Oh I guess it was all a fucking lie. I want to hate you, but I can't and I hate myself for that. I actually like you a lot but I guess I was just a toy to kill your boredom, for entertainment. I actually liked you for real. I was fucking ready to commit in this shitty relationship. I'm stupid for that. Remember when you said you were ready to date me? Lies. Remember when you said you'd take me out and shit? Lies. Remember when you said you love me? Lies. I don't know anymore. What part was real? I guess I was the only one being real. I couldn't go on one day without you but you'd only find me when you're bored. I would be the first one to always start a conversation because of that "shy" ass of yours, excuses. I would be so fucking jealous when you're with other girls yet you don't care about me. You don't care if I cry, if I'm not ok or if something is bothering me. You don't care. I was ready to fight for you yet you told me lies and fake promises but thank you for being so direct it would've been better if you told me way earlier before I developed feelings for you. Did you actually like me? Did you actually miss me? Of course not it was just me

[3/23, 9:39 PM] Stargirl: "I'm sorry for liking you, for missing you, for loving you, for everything"

[3/23, 9:39 PM] Stargirl: I don't think we can be friends, it's hard"

You replied to me saying

[3/23, 9:53 PM] Crush: "I'm sorry that I play around with your feelings, I just realized that I'm a jerk, it's okay if you don't want to be my friend anymore and i hope that you will find your soulmate or someone that will really love you. Okay bye thank you for everything"

[3/23, 10:02 PM] Stargirl: Did you actually like me? Even for a second?

[3/23, 10:02 PM] Stargirl: Do you feel sorry?

[3/23, 10:03 PM] Stargirl: what part was real?

[3/23, 10:15 PM] Crush:
I started losing my feelings for you when I realised that we have a very different personality when we talk about the most important thing in a relationship or probably before that when I feel like I'm not good enough for you.....yeah I feel really sorry that I lied to you I'm a coward, a jerk, immature & selfish...I know that now (everything before the holidays was real I genuinely like you but it's okay if you don't trust me)

[3/23, 10:19 PM] Stargirl: you're an ass, not good enough? Then man the fuck up if you actually liked me you would fucking try, you would actually fight you never liked me you were just lonely, you're confused because you don't like me you never did

[3/23, 10:26 PM] Stargirl: When I said I won't like you anymore, what do you feel? why aren't u at least not letting me go why are u so ok with me leaving

[3/23, 10:43 PM] Crush:
because what you say is true,i don't wanna hurt you or lie to you anymore & i think it's time to end this