The Life And Times Of A ChairSniffa

Life and Times of a ChairSniffa (1)

So Many Chairs So Little Time

So what inspired me to write this autobiography of me, a part maori mostly aussie, born and bred presumably to you sniffer of chairs, raised in one of the most isolated towns in the world, let alone in the outback?

A guy who has a mind that..... that...... Well those who know me would be best to tell you what my mind is like. I actually can't put it into words. It perplexes me and yet I am forced due to the laws of physics to be with it every day of my life, some days its good as it goes on some weird trains of thought when I let it run of its own accord, and at other times it just feels like a prison, of which only sleep or death could release me of it, like its a prison cell, a curse, or just an irritant that I've given up on trying to understand.

I guess thats why I write.

Its good to have a holiday from my own brain every now and then and open myself up to other minds, fictional ones, whom through my experiences in life have enabled me to empathise with, build up a unique personality and grow to love them before running them over in a freak accident, assasinating them in the most vicious manner I can contemplate, or any other manner of horrible death that my godlike powers can perceive.

As thats whats writing is all about in a sense.

Creating some world in which I am God. I rule it. I decide who lives, who dies.

I am the Maker and the Breaker of all that I can perceive. And that gives me a sense of, well to put it bluntly, I feel bloody powerful!

Even if its just within my own little world.

Even if it is only for a day, or a small part of the day anyway (after work or on weekends usually).

But I digress.

The inspiration for what I am about to do came from a variety of sources, none of which was the catalyst to my decision, but all were in some sense pointing me in that direction.

Acedreza and his diary, BlondFangs and her diary, both of which I must say are awesome as AcedReza is Pakistani and when I read his stuff I get transported out of my sometimes ponderous existence in the western culture to another one, more exotic to me and always different and unique. Its funny how anything that doesn't relate to you is exotic isn't it? And BlondFangs diary is, well damn, if I was taking copious amounts of drugs like I used to in my younger days it would blow my mind, but now I am straightened out, and yet it still blows my mind! Such epic poetry, great stuff if you haven't yet checked it out. Then there was Iamthejimmymuffins small introduction of Holes in Swiss Cheese, and his small line about a guy who wrote about his boring childhood and it became a bestseller. And like Iamjimmymuffins I thought, well if he can do it so can I!! I mean what I think is boring to me I find others think it is interesting.

Why do they find it interesting?

Well of course to escape from their own minds and enter anothers mind, of course! Plus its easy to relate to a boring childhood as generally everyone had one didn't they. Or did they?

Guess I'll find out from those who will read this.

But I do write alot of stories after alot of thought and pore over what I writeabout and see if I can make it better somehow, but in doing this I can just let my mind wander, and after a few minutes just post whatever I wrote as if it captures my train of thought for that brwif moment of time, to hell with editing and thinking about it just let it pour out.

And to me it does feel quite liberating to write this way and I must admit I am enjoying this alot hahaha.

Well anyway I should start about my name.

ChairSniffa.

I could tell you that I am from a long and proud lineage of sniffa's that first began back in the medieval ages when one of those dwarf jokers was caught sniffing the Throne of the King, thus was born the Throne Sniffa.

From him came a line of Sniffa's, sometimes skipping generations, but every now and then they'd bring prominence to the family line once again. Who can forget the famous vampire of the 18th century, PewSniffa, or the StoolSniffa that roamed the pubs of early 20th century (Barstools not the stools you guys and gals are thinking of! Now thats just sick and my family are much more respectable than that). And today there are many of us.

NitroSniffa, SushiSniffa.....

Me. I specialise is computer chairs.

Say, what are you sitting on right now? Do you live nearby?

But now to break apart the charade and tell the truth.

Troy Buswell.

He was the western Australian Treasurer that was caught chairsniffing. Became an aussie legend for it too.

Us aussies love those stories that make other peoples cringe and so now when aussies see my name they internally giggle cause they know the story, or at least the basics.

When asked by his secretary which seat a certain hot senator had recently vacated he sniffed, pointed and said "This one."

Don't believe me? Google it.

The bloke should be world famous I reckon cause in that action he typified what it is to be an aussie.

To laugh at life. To not take yourself so seriously. To not give a damn what is politically correct and to do it cause its bloody funny.

Kinda like me.

Anyway thats enough for today. Hope you liked this, the first entry on my own diary as it were, but more a diary on my past, an insight into what made me the person who you may have fanned on here, or who you would maybe like to read about but would never want to meet. I will intersperse it I think with short musings of my current surroundings which I will then giving you a google street map location of so you can check it out and see what that spot was like when I was there. Of course it ain't gonna be near where I live or stuff, all you stalkers take heed especially you frakkevin hahaha!!!! But at least you can see where I was, and have a glimpse of my life here today as well as musings of my past. Oh well time for bed. Cheers all and I will update this as I feel the need to unload my head and torture my fingers.

Avagood1.