He doesn't know how big of a smile he puts on my face.
I can't remember the last time I had a face splitting smile that was real.
A smile so big, that when I to him my worries fade away.
He doesn't understand why I sometimes try to push him away,
It because if he left there's no way I could stay.
I've been bruised, lied to, and betrayed,
Almost to the point I almost for got to say,
those three words the he manages to say so easily and take my breathe away.
Sometimes I forget the states the sperate us, while we talk.
I convince myself when I walk into school the next day that he'll be there leaning against my locker.
He'll talk to Ryan about the soccer game and Amy and I will roll our eyes.
Boys will be boys after all.
Looking up he'll see me head towards him and grin, not caring that my hairs a mess and I'm just in a t-shirt, jeans, and a hoodie.
Completely ignoring the break out of blemishes on my face because he knows me.
Pulling me in close he'll hug me and kiss my forehead before continuing his chat with Ryan, his arm around my waist.
His smirk will break out on his face as he calls me baby doll and a blush consumes my face.
Even now when he calls me baby doll a blush swarms over me and butterflies fly violently in my stomach.
He has no idea how much he means to me.
He puts up with me when I'm down,
When I'm mad and take it out wrongly on him,
Just reassuring me it's okay.
I truely don't deserve him, but I hope he'll stay.
He asked me the other night to be his,
in a panic I changed the subject.
Doesn't he see how unworthy of him I am?
The outcast of my entire small little town, the freak.
The one with problems and deals with depression, he deserves so much better.
I left his question unanswered that night and it's still unanswered today.
The truth is I can't say yes to him,
But I also can't say no.
He drives me nuts sometimes and sometimes I feel like he doesn't even realize how hard this is for me.
It hard for me to trust, its hard for me to believe.
I want him to fight to prove me wrong, to pull me closer when I push away.
To call for no reason and talk to me about anything.
I want to know his fears and his anger and I want to hear about his dreams.
I hope one day to answer his question of being his.
But for now all that matters, just like it did the night the met, is the birthday girl and the boy who made her smile a real smile for the first time.
The boy who saved her life,
who scares her half to death with everything she feels for him,
who makes her feel alive again,
the boy who she's in love with.
