protected || natasha romanoff [DISCONTINUED]

a guide to giving up

trigger warning: mentions of rape
if anyone would like, i can give them a summary of this chapter :)

i braid my hair back, looking down at the street. "i'll stay here and watch your six," i say, wind blowing into my face. "you go in there and get him out, as quick as you can."

we've been sent to bring in a man who knows too much. he's going in for a doctor's appointment of some sort, but the office he's going to is a front- probably a gang, peggy said in a not-very-reassuring way. clint and i have been working together for over a year now, though, and we're in sync. i always thought trusting someone was a weakness, but with clint, it's nothing but a strength.

he nods, adjusting his earpiece. "easy. tell me if it's not safe to come out."

he climbs back down the ladder we have set up at the back of the building.

i adjust my position and watch him through my rifle's scope. another man follows close behind, but the building also has an orthodontist and a yoga studio, so i ignore him. but the guy on the phone, by the crosswalk...

i scramble to take my binoculars out of my bag, and focus on him. that symbol... that pin on his lapel... i turn the dials until i'm focused on it. HYDRA's symbol...

i press my earpiece. "clint, get out of there now."

all i hear is a scrambled mess. i turn away from the street. "barton. clint, talk to me."

i practically jump off the roof, i skip so many rungs on the ladder. "barton?" i ask again. "clint barton, if you're dead right now, i will kill you."

i put myself together before walking into the building. i take the stairs up to the second floor, where there appears to be an ordinary office. i open the door, and the bell jingles.

"i'm sorry, we're closed!" the receptionist calls.

i ignore her, storming down the hall. the sound of a pin being pulled from a grenade- i spin to see the receptionist rolling one towards me. i stumble away from it, but it explodes in my face.

i wake up next to clint. my hands and feet are tied with zip ties, and i'm lying on my side. i roll over on the cement floor, groaning, and clint looks over at me. i'm about to make a snarky remark when i hear footsteps. soon, a familiar face is staring over mine.

"lukin," i say, trying to stay calm.

he smiles. "this is going to be fun." he's still got an accent. i'm surprised he was allowed to keep his, when mine was practically beaten out of me.

"who the hell are you?" clint asks, and i want to kick him.

"oh, natalia didn't tell you about me?" lukin asks, crouching next to me. i try to jerk away as he grabs my chin, but it just makes him dig his nails in deeper. "i can't stay mad, though. you brought her back to me."

clint rolls his eyes. "you took out my hearing aids," he says loudly, almost talking over him. i know clint's good at lip reading, but lukin's not facing him.

lukin doesn't turn back to him. "of course not. natalia was on her way to being the best, and you ruined that. now she's some low level agent, doing everyone's dirty work." he spits the last bit and i glare at him. "right, tsarina?"

i don't respond, and he kicks clint into the corner of the room. my partner lets out a muffled groan. lukin turns back to me, smirking. fuck, he's not even going to knock clint out.

lukin cuts the zip ties with a knife and pulls me to him. i don't resist- that will only make things worse. i just blank out.

i was on my way to being the best, but of what? i was helping the wrong side. so was being good at my job better, or worse? i don't mind what i'm doing anymore, as long as it's wiping red from my ledger.

"natasha?" clint whispers as soon as he's gone. i just whimper. this... this is what i always hated. i had just assumed it was normal... i need to stop thinking about it. stop, i snap at myself. i try to pay attention to my surroundings. he didn't tie me back up- he knows i'm too scared to do anything. my shirt is on backwards. "natasha?" clint says again, a little louder.

"yeah?" i ask, my voice cracking, before i remember he can't hear me.

"i'm going to get you out of here," he says firmly, and i just shake my head. i can't do this. "but i'm going to need your help, okay?" clint continues. "just breathe."

i nod, biting my lip. i'm so embarrassed, too. clint has never seen me in a vulnerable position before, and the fact that he had to watch that... i take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before hearing more footsteps. i choke on my breath and my heart starts racing again.

"don't freak out," clint says, his voice hushed again. he must've sensed my panic. i want to laugh at his comment, but i don't.

i sit up. but lukin walks right past the room. like he's ignoring me. like i don't exist. like he's never ruined my life. i turn to clint, a wave of deadly calm washing over me.

we're leaving now, i sign at him.

what?

i just smile. because no one can hold the black widow for long. and a black widow, dangling by a single thread, is a deadly thing.