It Comes With the Cape

The Things I Do For You

K so Blizzardwing47 was in a Mood™ and I wasn't going to deny her that (insert chapter title here) so have a fic that isn't really a fic because she didn't even want context but basically truth serum but loopholes here go fun

Also I'm writing this very quickly on my phone and barely editing it so that's also not good

xXx

The man carefully pulled the needle out of his captive's arm, throwing it away in the proper disposal unit with a cap.

"All right, let's see how this goes. Robin, what do you have to say?" he asked.

The answer took him aback. "I'm hungry."

He quickly recomposed himself. "How about a more specific question. What's your real name, and did you call Batman yet?"

"That's not a question, that's two questions. You're bad at this. Also you did a bad job of tying my hands and I think you should get some more rope because this one sucks and I'm almost done cutting through it."

The man stared at him in disbelief for a moment. He stood from his stool and walked around behind Robin. Taking the birdarang from Robin's gloved hand, he reinforced the restraints with zip ties and started looking for something else to secure him.

"Why didn't you start with the zip ties?" Robin rolled his eyes. "Rope doesn't cut it. Ha. Cut it."

He added a few more zip ties to Robin's restraints, taking another birdarang from him in the process. "Okay, let's try this. What's your name?"

"Robin, dum dum."

"Your real name."

Robin giggled, making a shushing noise. "Secret. Not allowed to tell."

"You can tell me."

He gasped. "I can?"

The man nodded. "Yes, you can. Batman said so."

Robin snorted. "Batman doesn't talk."

The man sighed. "Okay, let's try something else. Where do you live?"

"With Batman."

"Where does he live?"

"With me."

"Where is that?"

"With him."

"Where do you two live?" he attempted desperately.

"Near where we live as normal people."

"Who are you as normal people?"

"Who's 'you'?"

"You and Batman."

"Me and Batman what?"

"Who are you and Batman as normal people?"

"We're not normal," Robin scoffed.

"Who's Batman?"

"An a**hole."

The man was startled for a moment. "What's Batman's secret identity?"

"He's my father."

"Who's your father?" the man asked eagerly, finally sensing that this could be getting somewhere.

"Batman."

The man groaned.

"This is fun. Can we keep doing this? I wanna keep doing this."

"Only if you tell me who you are."

"But that's the fun part! Not telling you!"

"All right, let's try a different question."

"Oh boy!"

"Where is your hideout?"

"In a cave."

"Where is your cave hideout?"

"Underground."

"Where?"

Robin grinned. "Where what?"

"Where do you sleep?"

The question caught him off guard, but he still answered (with some confusion), "In my bed."

"Where is your bedroom?"

"Upstairs and down the hall."

"From what?" the man sighed.

"What from what what?"

The man buried his face in his hands.

"Oops. I'm being too stubborn, aren't I? I should be leading you on a little more convincingly. I'm sorry, I'll try to be a better liar."

He shook his head slowly. "I don't even know why I bothered. Now I'm going to get arrested before I even made a profit."

"It's okay!" Robin reassured him. "You didn't really do anything super illegal yet, other than, like, kidnapping me. I'm technically not able to press charges, so you'll probably just end up on watchlists until you do something actually bad or something." He shrugged. "Unless you actually did do something else, like steal all the crap you used to nab me. Might I add that you did a really good job? I was not expecting the chainsaw."

"Thanks, I guess," the man said with a lot of confusion.

"You're welcome. Honestly, you're doing a lot better than a lot of the guys who do this kind of thing. I've looked into it in the past, and man, do people suck at this kind of thing. Generally, Batman gets here long before now. Not always, but it's a general trend. On average. Mean. Median. Mode. Sohcahtoa. Inverse cosine of--"

"That's enough of that," the man declared, standing up.

"What? No! Not the duct tape!" Robin exclaimed. "We're having so much fun!"

The man frowned, confused. "I don't have any duct tape...?"

"Oh. That explains why I'm getting out again. See, that's underpreparedness biting you in the butt. Are you sure you aren't going to like shove a rag in my mouth or something? That's usually what happens. It sucks."

The man just sighed. "That's it. I'm done." He turned and started walking away.

"Wait wait wait! I wanna keep talking to you!" Robin stumbled after him, brushing rope fibers and bits of plastic off his wrists.

"No! I'm done with this, I'm done with you, I'm done with--" He stopped in his tracks.

A dark shadow stood between the captor, with his captive, and the exit. It loomed over them, and Robin grinned cheekily.

"Hey, Bruce."

xXx

I was trying to finish this all in one night. That didn't happen, but it probably took something like two or three hours in total. I'm also going out of my way to avoid editing it too much OR using the same phrases and such that I always do. So if it sucks more than usual, that's why. I also tried to finish it up quick so it would be short for once in my life, so even with the author's notes, it's less than 1000 words total😎. No need to thank me.

Did I also mention that I'm posting this in band class so I'm hastily scribbling this note before class is over and I have to hide my phone bye