Broken.

3

Hanna

So Fabian and I have decided that we're going to hang out during break today after our lengthy conversation over messenger last night.

I was nervous to say the least and scared. I was also wondering what Hal would have to say about this. It felt right though, on every level. I really wanted to be with him again.

I stood at the corner shop lighting my cigarette, waiting for Hal to fetch me on the corner so we can walk to school together.

Last night was so weird. He and I spoke for the first time after a while. The last time Fabian spoke to me, was on my birthday during December. We were about to 'try again', but he posted something that put me off completely. He posted about another girl. The thing is, Fabian always did this to me.

Since sophomore year, he and I had an on and off relationship, the main problem is, we keep running back to each other.

Flashback

"He's calling you Hanna, go." Said Ian and Wesley in unison. I stood dumbfounded in the middle of our school field, looking down at my phone at the text. Fabian asked me to meet him upstairs in the hall near the ramp. He and I haven't spoken, after he left me for Sasha.

I cried so hard, and thats when I used Ian as a rebound. But the actual joke is, I used Fabian as a rebound to get over Ian at first. Ian broke up with me for Stephanie - the girl that drops her panties for any guy.

Turns out that I actually fell for Fabian in the end. When at the start he meant nothing more than a rebound to me. Which is wicked I know, but I was losing my mind over Ian.

Snapping out of my daydream, I looked up watching my best friend Courtney holding her hand out for me. While Hal had a small smile on his face nudging me to walk.

I breathed out shakily and wiped the tear that slowly slid down my cheek unexpectedly.

"Everything's going to be okay, okay?" Hal said, as he pressed his lips against my forehead. "Thank you Hal, I heart you hard." I replied and he laughed shoo'ing me away.

I walked up the stairs that led to the courtyard and towards the stairs that led to the hallway by the ramp. As we slowly ascended the stairs I whispered; "I'm scared Courtney, what do I do?" I sniffled. She squeezed my hand and said; "You'll know in the moment. Dont be scared." I smiled again, nervous as hell. I felt stupid.

At the top of the stairs , I turned around and saw him standing there. His back facing us as his arms were folded neatly on the balcony, he was looking down and over the balcony at the greenery that is, our football field.

Courtney let go of my hand and pushed me a little. I took a deep breath and walked slowly towards him until i reached behind him. I cleared my throat and as soon as his head turned towards me, my breathing hitched. His eyes were bloodshot and stuffy. Almost as if he was crying.

The sight made my eyes water. He, however, mustered up a smile and laughed. "Hey Hanna, sorry I was deep in thought. Were you here long?" His deep voice spoke up, it made me nervous and the fact that he was visibly upset shined through his sad smile.

"Whats wrong?" I instantly got to the point, I couldn't stand watching him like this. It was making me upset. His smile dropped and he exhaled deeply.

"Firstly, I've been thinking about you a lot. Ever since we ended. I just... I cant," his voice cracked which made my heart twist; "I can't live without you Hanna. Its so difficult. Everything I do, all I think about is you. I would think about you while listening to Linkin Park's 'In the end' and cry my heart out," one single tear, slipped out of his left eye.

"I just... I love you Hanna, so much. Please be mine? Let me love you?" It was my turn to burst out crying. This is the first time he ever said; I love you. Fabian looked at me expectantly, he wanted me to say it back.

I gripped his cheek and looked him dead in the eye while tears kept streaming down my face, he watched every tear spill down my caramel complexion. "Oh Fabian, I love you, I love you too... so much. So much that you wouldn't even begin to understand," I paused watching his smile, the thing about Fabian is, his smile isn't the only thing that made you happy, when Fabian smiles, you can see it in his eyes, true happiness, he has a sparkle of contentment, then theres the little wrinkles he has by his eyes. It makes your heart happy. It made my heart happy. Which made what I'm about to do, even more harder than anything I've ever done in my 16 years of life.

"But I'm sorry Fabian, I can't. You hurt me way too much. I need to heal, I have to heal. I can't get over what you did to me." I cried out and he pulled me in for a hug as he saw me breaking down into full blown tears, hiccups and all.

"I'm so sorry Hanna, I love you so much. I'll wait for you, I dont care how long it takes. I'll wait. I love you." He said as my head lied on his chest. He kissed my head and thats when I slowly pulled away from him.

Looking back up at him, I gave him a sad smile; "I love you too Fabian."

Taking the last drag of the Marlboro, I smiled as I saw Hal crossing the street on his phone as always. I threw the cigarette filter on the floor and stomped it dead.

"Hey Hanna, you ready for today's exciting oral?" He laughed, side hugging me as I kissed his cheek.

"Hopefully, I'm paired up with Justin, he always makes things extra funny. What about you?" I looked up at him watching him light up his cigarette.

"Definitely not, I'm so fucked." He laughed, blowing out a puff of smoke.