Head Space

My mother and I were nothing alike, and that would have been okay if we could just agree to disagree, but we never stopped fighting. Even at the end we were fighting. Her voice rising higher and higher and my voice matching hers until we both stopped, abruptly and panicked as another car slammed right into us.

There was sunlight, and there was glass. Metal screeched against metal and the sound erupted in my ears like a curse. The only thing I could do was close my eyes as I was flung from my seat and pulled back down by the belt around my waist. Heat burst across my skin, and I tumbled upside down with the force of the crash, hitting my head against the glass of the windshield.

Pain erupted from my body. The heat and blood seared into me as I sat upside down, nearly unconscious. My vision went black and when I woke again, there was no longer blood rushing to my head. Instead, I was laying on the asphalt, my arms and legs burning, my head aching. I turned my head to the side and saw the car.

It was flipped over, glass, and metal, and the guts of it laying around it. There was a fire spreading, but I have been moved far away and no one could get near it. The sky was getting dark and bright lights flashed overhead, telling me I was being saved, but I couldn't stop staring at the wreck and the body still left inside. I passed out again as the EMTs started to lift me up to take me away. I wanted to scream that someone was still stuck in the car, but my mouth was like concrete. Hot tears streamed down my face. I didn't know what was happening.

When I woke up again, I was lying in a hospital bed. I knew my surroundings by the metallic beeping that counted my heart beat and the cold, dry air that held me captive. My whole body hurt, the burning making its way up my arms and legs. I lifted my head only to find a sharp pain there as well. I took a deep breath before attempting to do anything else and tried to figure out where I was.

I remembered the crash, the smell of burning rubber and the taste of blood on my tongue. The pain told me I had been severely injured, and the taste of the air told me I was fine now. I was alive, and so I tried to get up again.

This time was more successful then the last and I managed to sit up as a pair of nurses appeared and pulled up my pillows, fussing over me and the machines that were telling them I was awake. They started asking me a lot of questions, but I didn't know how to answer all of them. The dizziness was all I needed to tell me I had a concussion, but the nurses seemed to need more proof then that.

"Can I see my Dad?" I asked.

The nurse nodded. "Soon. Please stay in bed. We're going to give you something for the pain."

I nodded, but that only made me dizzier. The nurses started to talk some more, telling me all the injuries I had sustained. A broken arm, concussion, severe burns on my arms and legs. I tried to listen, but I couldn't focus for long. Instead, I just nodded along and waited for my Dad to show up.

When he finally appeared, his eyes were red with tears and exhaustion. It was daylight outside. He must have been waiting all night. When he came in and offered me a hug, he lingered for longer than usual, likely afraid he'd hurt me, but too scared to let go. I smiled when he sat down.

"Everything's alright," I said. "I'm fine."

You're not fine. You nearly died. If you weren't so stubborn this wouldn't have happened, a voice in my head snapped. It wasn't my voice. I'm sure I hadn't thought that, but there it was echoing in my mind like an argument. It sounded like my Mom. Judgmental and opinionated.

"I know, Phoebe," my Dad said. He wiped up the tears at his cheeks but more replaced them. I had given him quite the scare, but when we all got home, everything would be fine. He'd seen it was just an accident and Mom would complain about the hospital bills, and I would get angry at her.