XXXVI - Anemoia

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n. nostalgia for a time you've never known. Imagine stepping through the frame into a sepia-tinted haze, where you could sit on the side of the road and watch the locals passing by. Who lived and died before any of us arrived here, who sleep in some of the same houses we do, who look up at the same moon, who breathe the same air, feel the same blood in their veins—and live in a completely different world.

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In the end, I allow Isidro as my dancing partner. Despite the flaws of my dancing, he had been an avid tutor. Telling me to just follow his lead, and keep my eyes on him. He surely had noticed my eyes darting back and forth to where Goyo is, Remedios Nable Jose in his arms as they dance and talk in murmurs.

"Sa iba ka na naman nakatingin," Isidro tells me, forcing me to return my eyes to him. He smiles. "Naiinggit ka ba?"

I pout a little. "Hindi no. Wala naman talaga akong plano na sumayaw. Pero ikaw itong nagyaya sa akin."

"Kailangan kitang iligtas doon sa lalaki na iyon. Ano pang gawin niya sa iyo, at kung anong iskandalo ang simulan niya. Halatang madami na siyang nainom."

"Kaya ko naman ang sarili ko."

"Hmm? Sana pala hinintay ko pa ang ilang segundo bago ka yayain sa sayaw." He laughs, surely knowing that I'll not be able to just reject the offer of that stranger so easily. And, in the end, he'll still need to save me.

I sigh a little. "Salamat. Tama ka. Siguro, kung hindi ka sumingit kanina, baka hanggang ngayon nakikipagtalo pa rin ako sa lalaki na iyon."

"O baka nasapak na siya ni Goyo," he remarks.

"Hmm? Hindi mapapansin ni Goyo yun, kahit gustuhin niyang tumulong. Nakatuon ang kanyang mga mata kay Remedios." I shyly turn to look at the pair. "Tignan mo naman ang pilyong ngiti na iyon niya ngayon. Nakakagulat na sa dami ng mga babae sa bayan na nahuhumaling kay Goyo, ang napili niya pang ligawan ay siyang walang interes sa kanya."

"Baka nga makikita kay Goyo ang ngiti ngayon. Pero iba ang sinisigaw ng mga mata niya. (Y/N)," he speaks my name before I even dare to turn to where Goyo is. "Alalahanin mo na hindi porket masaya ang isang tao ay tunay siyang masaya. Ang tao ay mapagkunwari sa ibang tao; higit sa lahat sa kanyang sarili. Ang tanging panuntunan kung totoong masaya ang isang tao ay ang kislap sa kanyang mga mata na kahit hindi siya ngumiti o tumawa, ay makikita kaagad."

I bite my lower lip and lower my head a little. "Sinasabi mo ba na hindi talaga masaya si Goyo gaya ng inaakala ko?"

Isidro smiles softly. "Sabihin na natin na, oo, masaya siya. Pero, hindi kasing saya ng kanyang ninanais na iparamdam sa iba. May iba na mas nagpapasaya kay Goyo kaysa sa binibini, (Y/N)."

As the dance is about to conclude, Isidro bowing at me as I curtsy, my eyes slightly turn to Goyo and Remedios another time. Instead of bowing and curtsying at each other, Goyo kisses Remedios's knuckles and ushers her to her father who is standing by the corner with President Aguinaldo.

I turn my attention back to Isidro, timidly smiling. "Salamat muli, Isidro."

"'Wag mo akong pasalamatan, (Y/N). Pasalamatan mo si Goyo." He looks on at where Goyo is, now conversing with the President, Don Mariano Nable Jose, and the other rich and powerful men in town. He adds, "Si Goyo ang nagsabi sa amin na bantayan ka. Sa kanya ka magpasalamat. Alalahanin mo rin ang sinabi ko. May iba na mas nagpapasaya kay Goyo kaysa kay Binibining Remedios, (Y/N)."

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The party continues until it slowly becomes suffocating and so I decide to duck away from the watchful eyes of the other guests and head outside Don Nable Jose's house. Their house, being situated close to the sea makes it refreshing. The breeze a little cool despite late evening's warmth, and the calming sound of the waves seem to lull me.

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