there is || hemmings (sequel to amnesia)

letter 2

hi jade

its 2:43 a.m. on a sunday, and the harsh reality of missing you has hit me harder than ever. it's like ive literally been kicked in the balls, that's how painful it is.

i still remember when you told me you were pregnant, like, after i played lancasters little school music show or whatever and we both freaked out because we didnt know what to do. cal always knew what to do, he's your best friend, and he was more help than i was. i was out getting drunk until the early hours of the morning, oh god, i was terrible, and horrible to you, and i even asked you to marry me. i was stupid i guess, was hopeless and in love with someone who wasn't in love with me. its funny, you know. i thought at the tender age of 16 id found the person i was going to spend my forever with, in reality it was only a few months.

but honestly, they were the best few months of my life. and i don't regret any of it. you know? it sucks when you feel so strongly for a person, and the feeling isn't mutual. i just miss you. i can't really put into words how amazing i felt when i was with you, and when i was without, i was a mess. ash noticed, cal noticed, even mikey noticed, even mama liz!

my family adore you. you gave them their first grandchild, and they adore her and you. they have pictures of us and izzy everywhere, and i mean everywhere, before we left i went to mums and there's a photo frame of a picture of us and izzy in the bathroom. good old mum and dad. but that's not important, what's important is that they noticed how i was when i was with you, how amazing i felt all the time and how quick i stepped up to the father role. they noticed how much i smiled when i was around you. and when we finished, and i went into that place and met rikki, they knew it wasnt the same as when i was with you.

and they were right, my mum always told me that i shouldnt be with someone who doesnt give me the butterflies in my tummy and my stomach tied in knots kinda feeling. she said i should be with someone who makes me happy. and that person, was you. it still is you.

and i think it will always be you.

no matter how hard i try to move on, you're always there. you know? like, whenever i see ash, it reminds me of how you don't love me anymore or you didnt love me like i loved you.

and not gonna lie, it does hurt. but it happens to all of us, you know? it happened to mike and abbie, no one expected that.

you know what i was thinking about the other day? i never told you the names i had if we didnt call izzy, isobel.

i was going to suggest elizabeth, or liz for short, after mama liz of course. and roselia, for your mum. izzy is the main woman or girl in my life, and i love her with all of my heart, you know? and naming our baby after your mum is a thoughtful thing, i remember when your dad showed me the pictures he had of you all together before she died, and it was sad. i she d a few tears, my favourite picture was when you were dressed as leonardo from teenage mutant ninja turtles and you were about to go for your first Halloween or something, and the look on your mums face was priceless, she looked so happy, and you looked happy and so did your dad. was that the last time you were truly happy?

i was truly happy when i was with you. ive only felt true happiness a few times in my life, when i met you, when 5sos got their record deal, when i met alex gaskarth, when you first told me you were pregnant, holding my baby girl for the first time and when you first told me you loved me.

remember? we were out, and it was just after our third date, and you said you loved me when i made you laughed so hard you squirted water from your nose. and strangely enough, i was confident enough to tell you i loved you back, and that's when, that's when i knew you'd be someone who would be in my life for a long time. and i knew getting over you would be long, and arduous, and painful, but honestly, it's wort the pain. you're worth it.

i just want you to be happy. its all ive ever wanted, you're all ive ever wanted.

ew, i sound like i belong in a rom com, if 5sos doesn't work out, im sure ill fit in perfectly there.

see you soon,

all my love your luke xxx

( or just luke, i prefer your luke )