We're coming to the end of the CodeSlinger's saga. This scene reintroduces the Mighty Sol, his two secretaries Alma and Krista, and Sawyer Banks, the lover with a brain. (see Act One, Scene Two if you don't remember them)
Scene 1: Outside Sol’s offfice. Sol is packing up his things as Krista and Alma sadly help him.
Sol:
Wherever I go,
I will ping* you,
to bring you by my side, you’ll see!
This isn’t the end
nor is it the beginning
of our camaraderie
Enter: Sawyer Brinks all puffed up
Sawyer Banks:
You wanted to see me, boss.
Sol:
I did but it doesn’t matter now.
Sawyer Brinks:
I been thinking, boss,
I’ve been here nine months now
and no one codes better than me.
Sol:
Oh yeah?
Sawyer:
You’d agree, of course.
Sol:
If you say so.
Sawyer:
So I think you should name me
VP of Advanced Intelligent Thinking
as my group was responsible for ERGETS.
Sol (aside to Alma):
A bloody f**king disaster
Sure. Why the f**k not!
Titles are meaningless,
unless you've got,
the mentality and ego
of a twat.
Gimme the papers and I’ll sign.
Nothing profound is ever written,
on a dotted line.
Exit Sawyer, full of himself. After he leaves they all start to laugh!
Alma:
A nerd who thinks a big title
Will make him look more dandy
To all the silly women
Who are simply eye candy,
Is really just an over-titled nerd
And there is nothing more absurd,
More absurd, more absurd
Than an over over-titled nerd.
Sol:
He could be VP of the Universe for all I care.
Titles are hardly worth the paper they’re printed on,
Wait till he finds out I will soon be gone!
Enter: The CodeSlingers.
Marco
What did we miss?
We need to laugh as well,
As we are teetering,
on the abyss of hell.
Krista Bell:
Sol has just named Sawyer Brinks VP of Advanced –
what was it, Alma?
Alma:
Advanced Intelligent Thinking!
JP
Excellent! We need some Intelligent Thinkers!
Marco:
Hey, if he gets to be a Vice President, so do I!
Sol:
Hell yes! Why not. Alma, take a memo to HR.
I, Sol Malineaux hereby appoint
Marco Tate VP of, of what Marco?
Marco:
VP of Corporate Vision!
My corporate vision generator,
Randomly spits lines,
from quarterly meetings,
and other acts divine,
Into a lovely, yet meaningless,
garble.
Like spittle,
from the garbage heap
of slime.
JP:
Excellent!
Sol to Alma:
Marco Tate - VP of Corporate Visions.
Write it down, Alma.
And make sure you spell his name and title just right!
You know that VPs are mightily uptight!
Alma:
Oh yes, indeedee.
Leave a title off or misspell his name,
A VP will scream and drive you insane,
Will I heat his coffee? Yes sirree,
I’ll heat it up to one hundred and three.
They all laugh.
Sol:
That’s my Alma!
Don’t ask her to clean your whiteboard
Or move your car,
She’s put you in your place
No matter who you are,
That’s our sweet-faced Alma,
As dainty as can be,
Virtuous and saintly
As a gal can be.
JP and Rambler:
Alma?
Sol:
Some admins have more clout,
Then a CEO
If you don’t treat them right,
They’ll tell you where to go!
And that’s our little Alma,
As dainty as can be,
Virtuous and saintly
As a gal can be.
They all laugh.
Sol:
Fare-thee-well, Slingers,
I’ll be on my way,
The sun will soon set,
on this crazy day.
Remember there is no reason,
you cannot fly,
unless needing to sleep,
is your alibi.
He shakes each of their hands and then exits with his boxes. Alma and Krista Bell Bell follow.
Code Slingers:
No more calls before dawn,
No more red-eyes to Taiwan,
No more fingers to the bone
Oh my God - we are all alone.
They walk sadly off the stage
YOU ARE READING
Code Slingers the Musical
HumorA group of hotshot programmers try to save the jobs of hundreds of their fellow employees when a group of slimy venture capitalists try to shut down the company. It includes songs like "Will I get an Offer or Shown the Door" and "The Layoff Package...
