My best friends boyfriend

Chapter 8

10th of April
Having your nudes posted online takes a toll on you, it ruins any sense of having your own body to yourself- like everyone is entitled to see you in that way when they deserve nothing of the sort.
Leaving school early yesterday, I found myself in bed wondering how I let myself fall back into this trap, allowing myself to be so exposed, there was no way I could face anyone again.
I hastily apologised to Ethan before making a run for it, ignoring my teachers calling out to me as they were threatening me with a detention for ditching my classes but what else was I meant to do?
The voices and laughter of everyone who thought they had the right to strip the power from my own self had me thinking of what I could do to fix this.
I needed to regain my self.
And in deciding that, I stripped my clothes; kneeled down, covered my nipples and.... snapped a picture with my protruding stomach outing my early pregnancy.

I rested onto my back, the cold air biting my naked skin and stared at the photo, the photo I had given myself consent to take, the photo that could let me gain some control back. That is if it didn't backfire in my face at a total fail of feminism.
Before making any rash decisions, I decided I was going to tell Riley and Liam about my pregnancy first as I didn't want them to find out along with everyone else if I decided to allow myself to be exposed with my consent.
Sending them both a quick, 'need 2 talk come 2 mine', I waited in a naked blob of anxiety on my bed.
It was as though my body had sunk into the mattress, the darkness threatening to suck my soul from underneath me and trap me there forever.
My chest expanded and released increasingly fast and my anxiety had me fighting to free myself from the restrains the looming depression had over me.
A knock on the door set me free.
With a breath of air releasing my body from the restraints of the bed, I stumbled off the mattress and chucked on clothes as quick as I could muster.
The knocking grew louder, "just a sec!" I yelled back in response, wiping my smudged mascara with a cotton pad and staring at myself long and hard in the mirror.
'I'm going to push through this Liz,' I mumbled to myself, I just need to get through this first and I'll be able to take on what's waiting for me in the outside world.

With a new resolve, I made my way through the hallway of my empty family home and opened the door to find both Liam and Riley hand in hand, looks  of worry on both of their features. Liam had lips in a tight line and Riley's was pouted to the side, "are you okay babe?" Riley asked as she rested her hand on my shoulder and stepped past me into the house, dragging in Liam behind her, not waiting for an answer.
"Yep, never better," I mumbled to the empty doorframe before slowly closing the door behind me and walking in after the couple with a sigh.
Riley and Liam both went into my room and sat on my bed, Riley looking at me expectantly and Liam looking towards her with his eyebrows drawn in suspicion.
"Um..." I mumbled aloud, not knowing where to start and feeling the pressure surround my body in a squeeze, "umm... so I know all that stuff is going around at school again but I needed to talk to you both about something else first that's really affecting me... um," I twiddled my fingers and lightly twisted the soles of my feet together, waiting expectantly for one of the pair to somehow make this easier for me.
"Yeah that situation really does suck though Liz, nothing could be worse than that!" Riley states which leaves me more on edge at the passive- aggressive slight tilt in her tone.
"It's fine Liz, ignore her, tell us what's on your mind," Liam says as he leans over to rest his elbows on his knees to listen intently.
I need to rip off the bandaid, get this over and done with, come on... rip it off!

"I'm pregnant."
Silence follows. The air in my room feels as though it's deafening me, the space being absorbed by eerie silence. And then, I regain the ability to breathe again, slowly exhaling as all sounds come back to me. Riley is staring at me with her eyebrows drawn in, as if she's studying me whilst Liam has his brown eyes protruding at me, his mouth slightly dropped open.
"You can't be pregnant... with who? Ethan?" Riley says condescendingly as she stands up and brushes off her jeans, "Liz that is a lot to put on us right now, why are you telling us now of all times when you have all this stuff going wrong?" She asks dropping her previous tone as she grabs her keys from my tallboy as well as her purse with a sigh, "you can't just throw this on us without any prior warning... I'm sorry I got to go, come on Liam."
It was as though I was stuck in place, watching over myself at the scene unfolding in front of me, wanting to stop Riley from leaving me when I needed her but being unable to speak. A look at Liam showed he was feeling the same, still staring at me in shock but he had now closed his mouth. With a shake of his head he stood up, "uh... um yeah Riley I'll be right out, wait for me in the car," he says, not paying her any mind.
"Liam, no, I'm not going to wait for you. I'm sorry Liz we need time to process this, you understand right?" Riley's hand on my shoulder forces me out of my trance and I turn to look at her, taking in everything she's been saying and feeling guilt at not telling them sooner, I felt manipulative in what I had decided to do with Ethan, I felt like a even worse friend.
"No Riley please don't leave so soon, I really need someone to speak to about this... please stay, please." I wasn't aware I was begging, I wasn't aware of too many things. It was as though I was drunk and everything was fuzzy, with a empty feeling throughout me that I recognised as loneliness.
My fears of being abandoned in a time I needed someone most had snuck up into my consciousness, the trauma of my dad leaving me when I was 15 once again reminding me of the bigger scar that had been left than I had once thought.
"Liz.. I don't really have much to say to you right now, I'll talk to you tomorrow I promise." And with that she walked out the door and opened my front door and in shutting it behind her, left Liam behind.
He had two options, he knew this. He looked towards the door and then back at me, needing to say something to me but knowing Riley won't forgive him for staying any longer. He tilted his head at me, his eyes searching mine, for a lie perhaps? He then broke eye contact and turned to the door, "I'm sorry I got to go, we'll speak soon Liz."

We didn't speak for awhile after that night.
When the front door slammed shut, I grabbed my phone, found the semi nude photo I had taken prior and decided to post it, and in doing so erased the hold that everyone had over my own self.