Coming Home | muke au

06.

Dear Luke,

The doctors say I have 4 weeks. 4 weeks to live. Can you believe that? I'll be gone before Christmas. Your Christmas present is under my bed. I wrapped it in pink, because I know you hate that color. And yes, I even put a nice bow on top. You'll like it, I promise. 

I can understand why you're distancing yourself from me, I can see why you're moving on. Because soon I will not be here. Who will give you a kiss in the morning or when you come back from your morning jog? Who will hold you when you're sad or just lonely? Who will listen to your endless rants and opinions on things that don't really matter? Who will love you once I am gone? Daniel will. Just know I will always love you more than he could.

You like him, right? He seems good for you. I don't like him. But if he makes you happy then it's okay. I'll put up with him. 

I have one request though. Can I be buried with that hoodie of yours? Your Green Day hoodie; you know that's my favorite. 

Wait, I have another request. Will you give my mum my belongings? Or you can keep it, I don't care who gets them. Just make sure my mum gets something of mine. 

I don't know when you'll get this letter. Whenever I want to give it to you, I guess.

Oh, hey, it's snowing. Oregon doesn't snow a lot. It's nice to look at. It's cold; just like me when I'm buried 6 feet deep.

Love,

Michael

--

Ashton stares down at his best friend, trying to remain calm but failing as tears stream down his face.

"4 weeks?!" He whispers, his voice raspy and desperate. 

"Yeah, but don't tell Luke yet. I want to tell him." Michael's voice was slow and slurry, the side effect of dying, no it was the effect of the pain medication. Michael liked to think it was because he was dying and not the drugs flowing through his veins. Michael didn't like drugs. 

"That's...that's not enough time!" Ashton bursts, clawing desperately at the front of Michael's gown. "You...you can't be dying! B-but the proof is all here. Your hair is gone, you're so pale and skinny!" Ashton's lip quivers, and then he buries his head in Michael's chest. 

Michael weakly pats his head, before the action leaves him breathless and empty. 

"I miss having energy." Michael cracks a smile, watching Ashton detach himself from Michael. 

"I miss you being healthy and alive." 

"I'm still alive." 

"For how long though?!" The words come out louder than he wants. Michael winces, closing his eyes as his head pounds. "They say 4 weeks, b-but you could be gone tomorrow! Or tonight! There has to be something else they can do. T-they can do Chemo and Radiation at the same time. I-I saw it in a movie before and it cured her." 

"Ash...it was only a movie. The cancer is making it's way to my brain. I probably won't even remember you by next week. They-- they said memory loss can happen if it spreads to my brain. And it's a big possibility it's going to spread to my brain."

"No, no, no, no." Ashton cry's. "Why can't they do surgery and remove it?" 

"Because they caught it too late....Ash," Michael takes his hand in his own, "I'm almost to the last stage, and then I'll be...free. I won't have to worry about being in pain anymore. I won't have to worry about being winded from just moving my arm..I'll be healthy again." He smiles a sad smile that breaks Ashton's heart into five pieces. "I can't wait to die. Death has never looked so promising."

"Stop, Mikey, you aren't going to die! I-I promise. I'm-- I'm going to talk to the doctor." He nods, determinded, and Michael doesn't have the strength to hold Ashton back as he leaves to find his doctor.