This isn't paradise

Chapter 39

"Your first chemo." The doctor tries to smile at me, to make the worries and fears go away.

Like that will happen.

I smile back, just to try and assure everyone I'm fine. Because I am. Yeah, sure, I am going through a lot of pain. Oh, well, I have angel and Dallas.

I feel Dallas's hand slide into mine and tighten. My heartbeat immediately calms and I sigh out a breath.
"Now, for your chemotherapy, you will be having 3 to 6 rounds every 1 to 3 months. Most cases only take a month and three rounds to work, but in your case... Your a little more rare and complicated."
The doctor gives me a small mothering smile again. She seems nice.

I nod and bite the inside of my cheek. I have been told this already and it's just to much to handle when it's the third time hearing, "your baby is dying. Oh, yeah. And You're dying."

At least we are facing it together?...

I don't know.

"There are two drugs I will be giving you today. Two options for both set. The first set is cisplatin and carboplatin. I prefer the carboplatin, it has less side affects, but it is your choice."

She takes a deep breath and twists her wedding band around her finger. I look down at my huge ring and smile.

"Next, is the taxane. Such as paclitaxel or docetaxel. They are both effective, either will work just fine."

"Okay. The carboplatin and docetaxel will be fine." I say. I didn't really care which of the taxane I got, but I couldn't say the first one. And I'd rather have less side effects.

"Let's begin then." She frowns a bit, but tries to get it together.

"What is it? Should I go with another medicine?" I ask. I don't want to do this wrong.

Her smile returns, "No, it's just fine. I just hate seeing such a nice girl like yourself going through this."

I tilt my head to the side. I am curious. "How am I nice?" I ask. I didn't even do anything.

Dallas leaves the room, I hear him sniffling on the way. My heart brakes when he let's go of me. I know he wants to be here for me, but not if he is going to depress the situation.

"Sweetie. I see how you notice everything I do. You look more closely into things, I can see that. Anyone can. Your daughter and soon-to-be-husband is lucky to have you. Most people come in here, already given up and not caring. You're trying. I'm proud."

She smiles as she let's go of my hand I didn't even know she was holding. The warmth of my hand is gone now that she left. I shiver and suddenly miss Dallas. I need him here.

As a sign of the gods, Dallas walks in the door with swollen eyes and a red nose. He walks over and grabs my hand. I kiss his cheek and smile at him. He forces a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, but touches my heart anyways.

The doctor, Angeline, I found out, walks over with an IV in each hand. She sets one down as she starts the first. I've had shots and IV's so I'm okay for now.

I read online that the process of getting the chemo doesn't hurt, just the drugs over time start to hurt.

"What are the side effects?" I ask. I know one is hair loss, which I'm Not very excited about.

"Nausea, vomiting, hand and foot rashes, loss of hair and appetite, and mouth sores. Oh, and for this chemo, it occurs often that you have a low red blood cell count. Which will result in bruising and bleeding easily, fatigue, and increased change of infection." She says all this like she memorized it. It's like she is reading it out from a book.

I nod as she takes out the first IV and replaces it with the second. A small pinch and then a cold sedation spread through my skin.

"Oh, and we can give you other drugs and medicine for the vomiting and nausea." She informs me.

"I don't think I want anymore drugs in me." I laugh nervously.

She smiles, "A sense of humor. I like it."

I laugh and she takes out the drugs.

"I am officially going to be high forever." I say as I stand up and a wave of nausea already overcomes me.
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•
Please no comments about the chemo. I don't have cancer, nor know anything about my friend's chemo. She just got her last chemo and doesn't talk about it. I'm not gonna make her anyways. But feel free to comment anything about the story you miss or like or anything!

So, please just ignore any mistakes I made! ❤️
Xoxox