A Game of Keith and Mouse

Video

"Ready?" Pidge asked the group, hitting play and running back to the couch before throwing themself in between Hunk and Lance.

"This feels wrong," Hunk said as they waited for the footage to load. "Aren't we, like, invading Keith's privacy?"

"I didn't include any footage from his room or the bathrooms in the compilation, if that's what you're worried about," Pidge assured him.

"Well I am now!"

"Relax, Hunk. It's just like a blooper reel. Plus, he knew the cameras were there. There's security all over the castle."

The first video began to play. It showed Keith standing alone in Pidge's lab.

"What's he doing in there?" Lance asked.

"Just watch," Pidge said, snickering quietly as they watched the footage.

Keith looked around the room to make sure no one was there. Then he laid down under a table and began swatting at a cord.

Lance burst out laughing. "Oh, god! This opened up so many new doors. Think of all the possibilities! I could get a string and lounge around all casual with it in my hand and Keith would stare at it and I'd be all 'what's wrong, baby?' And he'd be all 'nothing, I'm fine, don't call me baby in public' but he'd be super uncomfortable trying not to chase the string. Or I could-"

"Watch now, scheme later," Hunk interrupted.

The footage on the screen went black for a second and then cut to a new scene. Pidge paused it. "This was taken a few seconds before Hunk walked in."

The screen showed Keith standing in front of the kitchen sink, bent over halfway and licking drops of water the moment they fell off the faucet.

"What are you doing?" The Hunk on the screen asked Keith.

"Is that what my voice sounds like?" Off-screen Hunk asked.

Keith jumped away from the sink, looking very guilty. "I- um, I was getting a drink."

On-screen Hunk frowned. "Okay. You seem flustered, everything good?"

"Yep! I'm fine, just going to go now." Keith rushed past Hunk and out of the room.

Hunk scratched his head. "He didn't even get a drink."

Pidge paused the tv again. "I guess he was getting drink in a way."

Hunk made a noise of realization. "Hm. So that's what he was doing."

"Next!" Lance demanded, reaching over to Pidge and pressing the play button.

"Hey!" Pidge complained, but didn't stop him.

Keith was asleep on the library floor in a patch of artificial sunlight.

"Can we fast forward?" Hunk asked after about a minute of watching Keith sleep. "He's just sleeping."

"I think he's cute, sleeping in the sun like a cat, all peaceful," Lance said.

"I am fast forwarding." Pidge pointed to the tv where a mouse ran by Keith very quickly, almost as if to prove Pidge's point. "He just laid there a long time. He doesn't wake up until it's dark and watch what happens then."

On the screen, Keith stood up in the dark and stretched. "How long was I asleep?" He muttered to himself,
"Damn nightmares keeping me up all night, making me nocturnal."

"Holy Quiznack!" Hunk said, "Are his eyes glowing?"

"Yep!" Pidge confirmed, "My hypothesis is that he has a tapetum lucidum, which makes his eyes glow, but no zinc or riboflavin within them, causing a glow without the yellow hue commonly found in the feline-like subspecies of Galra eyes."

"I don't know what that means," Lance said, "But his eyes always glow in the dark. And when he gets really mad or really horny they actually do turn yellow."

"How do you know that?" Pidge asked.

Lance grinned. "I am a very charming man. I arouse everyone at one point or another."

"No, not the horny part. I already figured out why his eyes go Galra sometimes. I was asking about the glow in the dark part."

"He sleeps in my room sometimes. Like I said, I am a charming man."

"Can we get back to the video?" Hunk asked. "I already know too much about Lance's sex life. He does not shut up."

"Rude."

"This next one is kinda short, but hilarious." Pidge said, pressing the play button.

The scene showed Keith sitting at a table next to Allura during a strategy meeting between the two of them. Allura was drinking a milkshake. Both of them looked very frustrated at each other.

"You know what?" Allura said, standing abruptly, "I need some air. I can not deal with you right now."

"The feeling is mutual," Keith mumbled as she left. Once she was gone, Keith eyed her glass.

So quickly that if they had blinked they might have missed it, Keith reached out and swatted her milkshake glass off the table. He smiled darkly to himself. "Oops."

Lance gaped at the screen for a moment. "He just... knocked it off the table? Savage."

Pidge hit pause. "There's only one more because Keith head booping Lance was too gross to include."

Lance blushed. "You saw that?"

"I see everything. I'm all knowing."

"So you saw him purring when I scratched his head that time? And when I woke up to him kneading my stomach?"

"I didn't, but now I know it happened."

"Just play the damn tape."

The final scene began back in the kitchen. Keith entered the room and walked over to the fridge. He pulled out a can of Altean fizzy water and turned around.

Keith immediately jumped up into the air. He pulled out his knife and held it in front of himself. His hair literally stood up like a frightened cat's.

"Oh. My. God." Lance said, bursting into bear hysterics. "His mullet jumped up! He's gone full feline!"

"What was that about?" Hunk asked. "What spooked him so badly that his hair puffed up? No one's in the room."

"Look on the counter," Pidge said. They pointed to the counter on the screen. Sitting on the counter were salad ingredients, including-

"A cucumber?" Hunk asked.

Lance burst out laughing again only seconds after managing to stop.

The footage continued to show Keith realizing what had scared him. He rubbed his hair back down. "Thank god no one was around to see that. Taken out by a fucking vegetable."

Keith cracked open the fizzy water carefully to make sure his jumping hadn't shaken it too much, then left the room.

The scene changed to black and credits rolled.

"Why'd you add end credits? Keith's the only person in there and you're the only one who did the editing." Lance asked.

"Plus we're the only ones who are going to see it." Hunk added.

Pidge shrugged. "I like to have my bases covered just in case. Did you guys like it?"

"I loved it," Lance said, "I had no idea how cute my boyfriend is when I'm not there."

"And how funny," Pidge said, "It was worth the time it took to set cameras up all around the castle."

"Wait a tick," Hunk said, "You have cameras set up all over the castle? How did you make them only film Keith?"

"I didn't."

"So they're filming all of us?"

"Yeah."

"What?" Lance demanded, "You've been filming me?"

"Oh yeah. I've got some great blackmail material." Pidge said, winking. They walked out of the room.

The second they were gone, Lance turned to Hunk. "We need to go take that those cameras."