Broken Binds (Kiribaku)

For Him

     Trigger Warning: talk of scars/depression, transphobia, sadness

Bakugou's P.O.V

   I have to admit. The binders weren't exactly free. It cost about 50.00 of my Top Fund to buy them but it was worth it. I don't know why but just knowing where he was happier made me happy and I was glad I could help with his self image. I knew how he felt and it feels terrible when you don't feel yourself in your own body. I'm just glad I could help him. He smiled so wide when he wore them for the first time and I was glad he would take care of himself. "Hey, Kirishima, I've been wondering. How long do you wear your binder? Those scars looked bad." I said, remembering how his back looked when I took off the death trap last night. I could only imagine what the front of his chest looked like as I was sure he wasn't comfortable showing me which I understood. "I almost never take it off except when I wash it why?" He said so nonchalantly, going back to the couch to watch Netflix. 

   "What!" I screeched, pausing the show and staring at him. "Yeah?" He looked puzzled as he stared at the paused screen of the tv. "That's not safe. What are you thinking you moron!" I said, suddenly freaking out remembering the damage it had done to my ribs and back when I wore it for over 14 hours. I could only imagine how hard it was for him to breathe. "Doesn't it hurt to  breathe?" I said, looking at him in shock. "Kind of. But I've gotten used to it so it's really okay." He said, forcing a smile on his face and looking back at the screen. "No it's not. I hurt myself really bad for wearing it 14 hours a day for a few months. You are not being safe when you bind." I said, getting his attention so he would look me in the eyes. He was crying. 

   "I just feel so uncomfortable when it's off. I don't know but when I have it on I have a sense of being strong and safe but when I take it off, even when I'm in the shower, I feel so weird. I feel wrong and insecure so I don't take it off. But I've gotten used to it. It's okay." I just stared there for a second. "Kirishima let me see your back." I said, worried about him. I didn't spend long looking at it the first time but now I needed to know. I needed to make sure he was okay. Hesitantly, he lifted up his shirt and removed it being left in his black binder before turning around to face away from me. Scooting towards him, I lift up the back of his binder and then let go scared to look at the scars. They were red and deep and looked painful. You could see where his old binder had dug into his skin and left deep marks from sleeping in it. "Kirishima." Was all I could muster out as I started rubbing his back gently touching the deep red scars and tracing them with my finger. "It's worse in the front." He laughed it off like it was nothing. "This is bad." I said, letting him turn around.

    "Can, can I see the front?" I asked, wanting to know more and help this boy. "Um, sure?" He sounded confused as he lifted the binder up and covered his nipples with his hands, pressing them deep into his chest. "Hey, I'm the same way. It's okay." I said, pushing his hands away and looking at the scars. And they weren't just from binding. There were cut scars too. So, not only had this boy been insecure but he had cut himself. What was his story? I need to know more about this boy. Looking back at him, he pushed the binder back down and let his tears fall freely down his face. "Why?" Was all I could say. "Please, tell me. Anything. Whatever you are comfortable with. We are friends and we would help each other. I will help you. So please, tell me. I want to help make things better." 

   "Okay well, it's a lot. I hope your prepared." He said, throwing his shirt back on quickly and snuggling into a few pillows and blankets he had brought from his room along with a small shark plush he had with him. "I'm prepared to listen." I said, snuggling into the couch and fluffy army green blanket from my room, ready for his story. 

   "My name was Ehana Suzuki. That is my dead name. I was in a house with my parents and we were happy for the most part until I came out at 14. It was then when I started changing and I felt wrong being in a girls body so I told them how I felt and they threw a tantrum. They started screaming about how I will always be a girl and that I would never be a boy and that if I "made that choice" I wasn't welcome at their house. They had called my aunt who immediately had taken my from the house and let me live with her. She didn't have kids and her first husband had died so she was more than happy to take me from their house and give me all the love she could muster. She supported me and got me my first binder and let me start testosterone. She was the sweetest lady and later on adopted me. That's how I got my last name. I changed my name to Eijirou Kirishima and my birth certificate was changed and everything seems perfect. But my parents weren't done. They would still message and call me asking for their baby girl to come home so they could be happy again and when I told them I was a boy they would flip out and scream at me before I would stop talking or hang up the phone. It was hard to be progressing and then have your parents scream that you will always be a girl. That's when I started wearing my binder a lot more. I used to take it off after I got home from school but I still wanted to prove I was a boy to my parents so I wore it more. I would take it off less and less until I got used to the feeling of not breathing. I got used to the loss of breath and the uncomfortable feeling of my binder. My aunt didn't notice but I was also becoming depressed about my whole situation and I still hadn't gotten bottom surgery so I would still get my period and then would feel even less like a boy. I felt like I was getting nowhere. So after I graduated and managed to get into this school, I thought it would be over but I come here and find out that they hate trans people. And now I feel like I'm living with my parents again. It's  like they will always win and will always prove that I will never be a real boy."

   He stopped talking and hugged his pillow tighter and started his crying again. I couldn't help it either. I can only imagine what memories the professor brought back whenever he made his little comment in front of the class. No wonder he kept it on. He hated everything about himself. Without a word, I outstretched my arms and he scooted closer and hugged me. It was nice and comforting with all the blankets and pillows we had wrapped around us as he snuggled deeper into my chest. Silently weeping, he laid there for a while, in silence as we enjoyed each other's company and embrace as I thought of an idea. 'I know what to do.'

Bakugou's Top Fund (for Kirishima): 125.00