Project Nebula

To Be Envious

Monday was sealed in a package of a hidden sun and gray skies, a sharp contrast from the freezing, bitter Sunday. That Sunday, I spent every hour making a literal diagram of my plan to talk to Helix. I made a route of where I could meet him and a list of options of what I would say. It was excessive, and I overestimated the impact of his reaction so much, I couldn't even sleep. I woke up at four o'clock, ready to walk in and tell him to his face: I wish I told you earlier.

This time, I wore a baggy jacket to hide my ugly, torn shirt. After staring in the mirror to perfect my hair, I walked into the living room. No breakfast. No cheerful "good morning". Indigo was gone. I still had Helix's phone and I kept that in my pocket rather than mine. I went to school on foot in the dark.

Rain trickled from the roof of the school and on the ground. I approached the school, limping from exhaustion. The lights of the rotunda were dimmed. Indigo and the rest of the council were there. And they were just waiting there for me. Harper opened the door for me. She gave me a warm smile.

"You're here on time, finally," she said. "You know what we're doing today, right?"

My body awoke and I looked at her. "You planned something without me?"

"We can't be a student council with the people we have," Xander shoved Harper out the way. "Once November rolls around, a select few freshmen will take over our roles."

We all walked near the teachers' lounge, only Xander unlocking the door and stepping in. His hair was unwashed and wild. His glasses were barely hanging off his face. Being around these people, even being in the same space and club, I was separated. We had the same uniform. However, I couldn't maneuver the student body my direction. I met about two weeks prior, and I absorbed every pint of information he emitted. You can't do that with me. I have to hear myself before they can hear me, I thought.

The mens' restroom was several yards away.

"Castor, you can talk to me, you know," Indigo said, opening the door to the teachers' lounge.

"I'm scared," I whispered. "Even if Helix hears what I have to say, he won't listen to me."

"You make him listen, Castor. He wants to know, but he's probably scared to listen."

"Thanks, Indy."

I took my first. Then the second. I was ready to step in. To talk to myself in the mirror and feel my hands again. Just a crack in the door, I heard soft whispers from behind it. Heavy breathing. Moans rippling throughout. My own mind couldn't shield me from it. Helix embracing a girl's lips with his. Caressing her hair and feeling her entire body.

Why he was in there didn't even cross my mind. Needles spiked through my heart. I could feel every touch that girl was feeling on my own body, and it made me slam the door at the sight. Everything around me went quiet. I couldn't distract myself.

"Castor! What do you think?" I heard Indy call.

I looked up and held a giant poster rolled up and tied in silly bands.

"Xander wanted to know what you thought of his poster." Indigo unraveled it.

It was the same poster Xander came to my house with. Peirson's name signed at the bottom. I realized it was an enlarged picture of Dore Anchors. Indigo placed the palm of his hand on my heart.

"Castor, are you panicking?" Indigo asked.

"Helix is making out with his girl toy in the bathroom!" I waited for my eyes to burn up and water so I'd have a reason to walk away. Instead, I blinked so much I didn't know what I was supposed to look at.