I'm Fine (#Wattys2015)

32

"We need to talk." My mom says.

"Y-Yeah..." I reply. Why am I scared? Damn it! It is just your mother.

"And don't you dare tell me bullshit. 'I'm fine' will not work. Especially when I can see it right in front of me that you are totally not okay. I am sorry for not seeing it before. I truly am." Mom sounds sincere and I want to beloved she cares. But why would anyone care about me?

"I'm fine." I say and instantly regret it. The look on my mother's face is hard and disapproving.

"No you are not."

"But what if I was?"

"If you were I would be able to tell. But when I look into your shattered eyes, I see emptiness. I see a beautiful girl who is told that she is nothing by me. And I wish I could go back and change what I have said that is harsh. I wish I could, but I.cannot. Time only moves forward, unfortunately. But you are definitely not fine. So do not tell me you are." Mom has tears in her eyes and a few she has shed.

"B-But if I were to tell you all that was wrong, you would not understand. Only Kylie did. Now she is gone. I always wondered how she understood but now I do. But you..." I laugh a bitter laugh. "You... would not."

"If you were to tell me I would."

"Nah..."

I leave her side and walk over to the window. I look out on the city. We are only like three stories high but I can still see its beauty. The Walmart across the street, next door to that is a Chinese restaurant. And on the other side of Walmart is a McDonald's. And out past the Walmart is a park. The park is lovely. There are multiple colors of leaves since it is fall. Early on in the season but trees are changing colors and losing leaves. Lovely shades of orange, red, yellow, and a few greens. I sigh. I wish I could be out in the chilly, moonlit, fresh air. Not here, stuck in this hospital with stale air, that has been used over and over again, and dieing people.

I hard my mom sigh behind me. "You don't want to be here do you?" She asks.

"Not really. I though the call from Dad was a joke. Something you two were laughing about after he hing up. I was scared that if I were to come, you both would be at home and the humiliation would be unbearable."

"Yeah...I kinda wish it was a joke. I don't want to drink ever again."

"That would be nice."

"I know."

I turn around and face her. "I am sorry too."

"For...?"

"For brushing you off and never stopping your words to make you think about what was being said. Allowing you to.drink whenever you wanted and letting it get this bad. I know that I am a pathetic child that would not have been able to stop you but I could have Tried."

"Yeah. I get what you mean. And I know I have already said this, but, I really, truly, absolutely am sorry. It is not much. But it is all I can offer. That, and my love. I am going to try to be a better mom. I have failed at my most important role in life. I want to change that. But I need your trust. And trusting me means letting me back into your life. Technically, I never left, but, theoretically, I did."

"Yerp. You did 'leave' my life but just because you came back does not mean I am going to just, suddenly, let you see every detail that you overlooked. I am not going to tell you all my problems right after you wake up," I say and yawn.

"You should sleep."

"Uh-huh. I probably should. Dad is making me go to school tomorrow."

Just as I say that dad comes into the room. "We have to leave!" Dad yells with a panicked look on his face.