The Five Stages of Grief

Bargaining

This was perhaps the most enjoyable chapter to write.

Lampy just wanted peace. He wanted the anxiety to go away, he wanted the harsh cacophony of fighting to leave, he wants to feel useful again. It's always too small now, too claustrophobic. He wants peace for his friends too, he can't handle their pain, for their pain buries into him as well. Perhaps he seems the most mundane, always questioning, but he tended to figure everything out and more if he had just the time to think. Perhaps that made him the most understanding of the five right now.

It's time. The Mistress is in her room, preparing for bed. Even if she should leave into the study area, she wouldn't notice the Lamps absence. She never cared much for Rob's old appliances, just tolerated them. Maybe she cares now, keeping her eyes low and to the ground, as if fearing looking at all the remains, like they've suddenly too much meaning.

Lampy leaves through one of two windows always propped open no matter the time of year. It was Little Master who insisted on this, so the fresh air could battle the dusty, musty smell of the house that culminated in the past couple of years. He left through the window of the second floor, it had a flower bed full of dirt, and flowers long dead. How ironic.

The sky was just starting to rearrange with more hues than blue. Pastel yellow and bittersweet pink. The sun was low, not yet setting. Lampy knew by now the sun was not a lamp, not The Big Lamp, but to him it might as well be. It lit half the world at once, and created its own energy as well as provided energy for other technologies. It was absolutely amazing, could be its own deity among lamps.

For years Lampy admired the sun, near most of his life, marvelling at it and loving it's existence and that his creation was inspired by the sun.

He came here out of habit, it was habit to watch the sun set for its beauty, usually with Radio, then for comfort, his way to relieve stress from the day. This past week, each sunset the feeling of warmth and relief that filled him came less and less. The sky was still beautiful, but the comfort was gone, the loneliness even more present as Radio had stopped joining him.

All he could do was watch the sun lower into the ground, just like Master will in only a week more. He felt tears trail down his face, and didn't try to stop them. The world was beautiful, and yet, now with no purpose, no one to serve it all seemed pointless.

Ignoring those alive, the sun and all its marvels was probably Lampy's most favourite thing in the world.

He leaned forward, staring at the drop to the ground. He'd survived such a drop before, he'd survived being shot from electricity, he survived a river of water. He could be indestructible for all he knew. Seemed well like it.

Besides, he couldn't do that, even if he wanted to, which he didn't. If one death affected them all this badly. And it wouldn't be some noble cause, not unlike Radio sacrificing an integral part of his system to save friends, fellow animals, from a lab that might as well have been a torture facility. Not like Toaster jumping into gears to save Rob from being crushed in machinery, or his acting as a lightning rod so they could better find Blanky, lost in a dark forest on a stormy night while leaving the abandoned cabin. And so many more examples of noble causes.

Lampy almost smiled. Almost, where they always so willing to give up everything for each other? Certainly not in the cabin. He frowned, if they'd not left that cabin, they'd all have ended up dead there, from murder or loneliness.

Lampy gave a frustrated cry. "I can't find any peace around here with all the thinking around here."

He paused, realised what he said, and thus tried tirelessly to stop thinking.

The sky was a wonderful blaze of yellow, reds and purples and indigo blues. He barely paid it any mind.

Time seemed frozen, he seemed stuck, alone in a world with only him and the saturated sky.

Yes, if not for the others, the sun and all its marvels would be Lampy's most favourite thing in the world.

And yet, as the sun disappeared, and the colours faded, blue swallowing the earth; such a sad colour; Lampy realised more and more he'd be willing to give up the sun, will it out of existence, if it would just bring Master back, and stop all the problems they now seemed to have. But most importantly, to bring The Master back.

Outside in the cool air of night and on the flower bed Lampy fell asleep.