Without A Clue

Loving Her

Mace. NSFF. Angsty.
When I realized I loved her, I was calm. I didn't freak out. It didn't surprise me actually. I never really thought it was a terrible thing because well, being in love isn't a bad thing at all. It's when that person doesn't love you back, that hurts. Loving her was just something that happened and I'm totally okay with it. I'm not gonna drown in my own tears because she doesn't love me back or anything. I've never been able to tell with her. She gives me mixed signals. She goes out with men who aren't good enough for her and ends up getting heartbroken all the time, yet she doesn't stop. Everywhere we go she flirts with other people. I guess she's just very flirtatious, which is perfectly fine. But when we stay home and watch scary movies, she holds my hand because she's so scared. She squeezes tight and buries her head in the blanket from time to time. I do the same thing because well, scary movies are fun and all but, they are pretty scary. Usually, half way through the movie, I put my arms around her and hold her while she's curled up in the most adorable way, trying not to scream. I always ask if she wants me to turn the movie off and she says no, each time. And when the movie finishes and it's the early hours of the morning, she sits up and presses a kiss to my cheek, lingering a bit, before turning over in the bed to go to sleep. Sometimes I think she knows. Sometimes I think she knows how much I really love her. Tonight, is different though. Her boyfriend is here and she wanted me to come over to meet him. I'm basically a third wheel but it's okay. She told me to invite Chester but he has a show to perform in tonight. She thinks Chester and I have a thing and I told her we don't but she doesn't seem to believe it. Chester is the only one that knows about my feelings toward her. Anyway, his name is Sean and he's a blonde-haired blue-eyed guy. He's quite good looking and he seems nice, but he's still not good enough for her. I'm beginning to think that no one is good enough for her. She's just so special and she needs someone who treats her like she's special. She pops a scary movie in and curls up to his side, holding his hand while he holds her. He's doing what I used to do, but I'm 5 feet away from her. 5 feet too many. I hide in my blanket but I shiver. I'm cold. No one is here next to me. No one is giving me warmth. This blanket isn't enough. I'm not paying any attention to the movie. I can't. He's running his fingers through her red hair and kissing her head. It pains me. That should be me. Sean notices me staring and makes eye contact with me. He just smiles slightly and looks down at her and back over to me. I smile back and look back at the TV. I don't pay attention though. I simply stare at the wall behind the TV and think for a little bit. I'm happy that she's happy but I can already tell their relationship won't last two weeks. Whatever. I'm pretty bored so I decide to text Chester.
To: Chester
This night blows. How's your show?
I press send and wait for a response. After five minutes I decide I need a drink. I get up and go to the fridge where I see soda, water, and beer. I decide on the beer and open the can and start to walk back to the livingroom. Not noticing that I came back into the room, are Sean and Mamrie making out. My eyes go wide and I start to choke on my beer. I stand there coughing, trying to keep quiet when they pull away.
"You alright there Gracie?" Mamrie stands up and walks toward me.
"Yeah yeah I'm fine. It's fine." I say between coughs. I force a smile and she shrugs and goes back to where she was sitting. I walk back over to the uncomfortable chair that I was sitting in and settle in. My phone buzzes as I sit down.
From: Chester
Why? What happened? And eh it was alright I guess.
I smile and text back quickly.
To: Chester
Well, I totally just saw blondie stick his tongue down Mamrie's throat for starters.
I press send and wait for him to text back. I feel the buzzing again and I open the text.
From: Chester
And how did you react...?
To: Chester
I may have choked a little bit on some beer...which may have resulted in having a cough attack...
I laugh a little bit at the memory of how stupid it was. He texts back quickly but Mamrie interrupts my typing.
"Who ya textin Gracie?"
"Hm? Oh uh just um just Chester." I blush. I love when she calls me Gracie.
Mamrie smirks and turns to Sean.
"Chester is Grace's boo." She laughs. He just giggles and smiles, looking over at me. I throw a pillow at her and she just laughs.
"He is not, Mamrie! We're just really close friends!" I pretend to be mad but she sees the sarcasm.
"Yeah...friends who sometimes make out in each other's cars..." She snorts.
"Mamrie! That was one time! Plus, that was like a year ago." I say.
"Whatever." She smiles.
The night that Chester and I hooked up was the night I saw Mamrie with a guy at the club. It was when she first started dating and I obviously didn't take it well. So, Chester comforted me and I was drunk so yeah...some stuff happened. Mamrie ended up sneaking up on us and scaring us outside the car window. She yelled "I caught cha!" And ran away, laughing. Chester and I started laughing and just ignored her. I smile at the memory and check my phone.
From: Chester
When are ya gonna tell her, Gracie?
To: Chester
Um never. I'm pretty sure she already knows. Either way, I'm fine. It's perfectly okay. Trust me.
I sigh and wait.
From: Chester
Okkaaayyy if you say so...if making out with me will make you feel better, I'm glad to help...
I laugh out loud but I don't really care.
To: Chester
Yeah nice try Chester. Go to sleep!
I press send but then I receive another text. This time it's from Mamrie.
From: Mames
Are you okay? You're not paying attention to this movie...
I glance over to Mamrie and she half smiles.
To: Mames
No offense but this movie sucks...
From: Mames
Yeah I know...who picked this movie anyway?
To: Mames
Um pretty sure Sean did...
From: Mames
Yeah you're right...I'm gonna call it a night.
I smile and bite my lip. I hear Mamrie sigh and yawn.
"Hey. It's really late, can we call it a night?" She gives Sean puppy dog eyes.
"Yeah of course. I'll call you." He winks. She walks him to the door and he turns around to hug her tight and then press his lips to hers. She basically melts into the kiss and moans. Ughhh I have to get out of here. I go into the bathroom and shut the door. I lean my back against the door and slide down. I do that a lot when I'm stressed out or when I'm about to have a panic attack. Yup, here it comes. I've never had a panic attack because of Mamrie. What's wrong with me? Am I breaking? Do I actually care this much? I feel hot tears roll down my cheeks. This is so unusual and I hate it. No no no no. I wipe my tears. And bury my head in my knees to keep quiet.
"Gracie? Are you in the bathroom?" Mamrie calls. I sniff and try to make it so my voice isn't shaky.
"Yeah I'll be right out." I say calmly.
Mamrie says okay and I hear her close her bedroom door across the hall. I get myself together. And cover up all the evidence that I'd been crying. I try to at least. I knock softly on her door and I hear her say come in from the other side. She's laying on her bed, reading Hannah's book with her adorable glasses, that are way too big for her.
"Hey, can I sleepover? I had a beer and it's like 2 am soooo..." I trail off.
"Yeah sure whatever. So I think I'm gonna keep our movie nights just for us two." She laughs. She looks back at the book.
"Ok. Yeah." I laugh.
"I mean, I love Sean and all but his movie taste is not that good at all." She laughs, turning the page. I smile a little. Wait. Did she just say she loves him?
"You love him?" The words spill before I can even think about it.
"Well...yeah, we've been dating for about 3 months so yeah I do." She grins.
"3 months? I thought it was like a week?" I ask.
"Yeah...I waited to introduce you two because I wanted to make sure he wasn't one of those people who dates me for like 3 weeks and then dumps me. And he's not." She blushes.
"I'm happy for you Mames." I smile.
"Thanks. I guess it feels weird, I've never really been in love before." She admits. I have. I think to myself.
"Right. Ok. Well goodnight." I say quickly. I start to close the door.
"Wait! Aren't you gonna sleep in here? You always do when you sleep over." Mamrie pats the space next to her.
"Well I think I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight..." I whisper.
"C'mon! We can tell each other secrets and tell each other scary stories. Like teenage girls. It'll be fun." She giggles.
I laugh and pause for a moment to think.
"Nah Mames. I have to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow morning and I don't wanna wake you up." I lie.
"Ok...well at least give me a hug!" She opens her arms up wide and I walk into them, hugging her tightly. I pull away and she kisses my cheek.
"Goodnight babe. Thanks for comin'" She grins.
"No problem." I say as I walk out of her room. I set up a little nest on the couch and curl up in it. I'm not at all tired so I stay up. God, I'm so screwed. I send a quick text to Chester.
To: Chester
God, I need to get myself a boyfriend or something.
To my surprise, he's still awake.
From: Chester
No, what you really need to do, is tell Mamrie how you feel.
To: Chester
Chester, she just told me she's in love with him.
From: Chester
Oh. I'm so sorry, Gracie.
To: Chester
I'll be fine. I've been in love with her for over a year now and I've been fine. It'll continue to be like that.
From: Chester
I can set you up with someone if you'd like?
To: Chester
Ok. Thanks :)
I set my phone down on the coffee table. I really need to just move on. Hopefully this blind date will help.
My alarm wakes me up at 7:30 as planned. I groan and stand up. I go over to pour myself some cereal and I get some soy milk. I decide to make Mamrie her favorite, waffles. I get the mixture out and it takes about 10 minutes to make 2 waffles. I cook some soy sausage for her too. I put it all in the fridge and I write on a post-it note to stick on the plate.
Good morning! I made your favorite. Heat it up for about a minute in the microwave. Text me!
Love,
Gracie
I guess it is kinda obvious...
I gather my stuff and drive back to my house. I settle down in bed and try to fall back asleep. It doesn't work so I take out my laptop and go on tumblr. I think this blind date might help me get over the fact that Mamrie doesn't love me. Not like I love her and she never will. I heard a saying once that said "if you really love someone, let them go". I guess I should follow that quote.
I get a text at about 10 am.
From: Mames
Thanks for the breakfast. 'Twas marvelous! What are you up to?
I laugh at the choice of words she decided on.
To: Mames
You're very welcome my dear. Just got home from a meeting about the book.
I lie and press send.
From: Mames
Right. What are you doing this evening?
I think. Nothing really. Kinda sad because it is a Saturday...I try to think of something that I can lie about but I can't seem to find anything. I receive another text. This time, it's Chester.
From: Chester
I got you a date. Is tonight good?
I grin and answer quickly.
To: Chester
Yes! Of course!
Now I have something to tell to Mamrie.
To: Mamrie
Well, I'm going on a date. How about you?
I ask casually. Chester texts back about the details and he said the guy's name is Brent and he met him in college. Cool.
From: Mames
Oooohhh! Helbig is goin on a date?! With who? ;)
To: Mames
His name is Brent. It's a blind date that Chester set up.
From: Mames
Sweet! Well I was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out but nevermind... Have fun on your date Gracie. Seriously, have lots of fun...if you know what I mean... ;)
To: Mames
You know I don't sleep with men on the first date!
From: Mames
Whatever. Love ya :)
To: Mames
Me too.
I hate when she says she loves me because if only she knew how much I actually love her. Sometimes I feel like she likes to torture me...
My date with Brent is at 7 at a local restaurant. It's a casual restaurant but I'll probably still wear a sun dress or something. I wanna make a good first impression.
I go for a run with Goose then come home and shower. I go out to get a salad for lunch around 1:30 and then I go shopping for an outfit for tonight. I couldn't find a dress or anything so I just go back home and lay all the options on my bed. There's an extremely fancy black dress. Nah. There's a black and white striped shirt with leather shorts. Nah. Then there's my leather jacket. I pair it up with a plain white t shirt and some leggings. Yeah that'll work. Not too fancy but not too casual either. I decide that I need color, so I pick my red heels and go for a red lip. I go a bit heavy on the make up but whatever. My hair is straight and I'm ready to go. Oh wait. I almost forget my statement necklace. I clasp the necklace and grab my clutch. Ready to go. It's 7 right now so I'll probably be a bit late. I arrive at the place at around 7:10 which is surprising because the traffic is usually real bad. I park and walk toward the entrance. Chester said he was a built guy with a sleeve of tattoos. Dark hair and about 6 feet tall. Aha! I think I see him. I walk up to the man nervously. And I tap him on the shoulder.
"Um Brent?" I ask.
"Yeah. You must be Grace?" He smiles.
Goddamn he's hot.
"Yup. Nice to meet you." I smile.
"You too. You look lovely." He says. I blush. My shoulders rise. Fuck. Mamrie always tells me to put them down and calm down.
"Thanks. Not too bad yourself." I gesture at him. He's wearing a blue button up but the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows so I see his tattoos. Huh. Who knew tattoos were this hot. He has some khakis paired with it and some black dress shoes.
"Well, shall we go in?" He offers me his arm and grins. I laugh and take it.
I learn that he's 35 and works as a travel agent. He's a bit older but I'm attracted to slightly older people. When we finish dinner, he walks me out to my car and we kind of just stand there a bit awkwardly.
"Thanks for dinner." I say.
"My pleasure. It was nice. Really nice." He says.
"So I'll call you, yeah?" He says.
"Yeah, I'd like that." I smile.
He smiles. He looks down with his hands in his pockets, like he's waiting for something. I walk closer and go for it. I push my lips to his briefly, then I pull away. We stare at each other for a moment, then he pulls me in by my waist to kiss me again. We stand there just kissing for a little bit. Then, I finally pull away.
"Um sorry. Couldn't help myself I guess." I blush.
"No no I liked it." He smiles. I notice that there's lipstick on his lips now and I begin to giggle.
"What?" He asks. I point to his lips while I'm laughing.
"Oh geez. I have lipstick on my face don't I?" He laughs. He pulls out a tissue and goes to wipe it off.
"That's not gonna get it off. Here." I grab my makeup wipes from my purse and I wipe it off his face. He smiles at me while I do it.
"Thank you." He whispers.
"Mhmm." I hum.
"Seriously Grace. I had a great night and you look beautiful." He smiles.
"Yeah, me too. I'll see you soon." I say and press a quick kiss to his cheek. I get into my car and drive off. When I get home it's about 10 and I see I have a text.
From: Mames
How did the date go? ;)
To: Mames
It was great. I'm probably gonna go out with him tomorrow.
From: Mames
Ooohhh. Please tell me y'all kissed.
To: Mames
Hmmmm more than once...
From: Mames
And how old is he? What does he look like? What does he do for a living?
To: Mames
Whoa there. He's 35. He has dark hair, he's built and has some tattoos. He's a travel agent.
From: Mames
Sounds hot. And 35? Whoa going for the older ones huh?
To: Mames
I've always been attracted to older people Mames...
From: Mames
Oh believe me, I know. We'll have to see if I approve of him...
To: Mames
Whoa whoa whoa. Why do you have to approve of him? I don't get to with your boyfriends.
From: Mames
Well because you're my little Gracie. Plus, you haven't dated in like a year and a half now.
To: Mames
I'll be fine. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything.
Oh, the irony...
From: Mames
Oh please, I know that. Have you even ever been in love?
To: Mames
Well yeah...
From: Mames
Either way, I have to approve of him.
To: Mames
Well maybe you can meet him tomorrow if you want.
From: Mames
Yeah dude just let me know when and where.
To: Mames
Ok ttyl.
From: Mames
Love ya :)
To: Mames
Me too.
I get a text from Brent.
From: Brent
Lunch tomorrow?
I smile because I was just about to text him.
To: Brent
Of course! We can go to the burrito place?
From: Brent
Sounds good ;). 1:30?
To: Brent
Great. Mind if I bring my friend?
From: Brent
No that's not a problem. Goodnight, Grace.
To: Brent
Night Brent.
**************
The next morning, I wake up at 10. I hop up and go for a run. I call Mamrie and tell her to be at my place by 12:30 so she can help me get ready.
She arrives when I tell her to and she does my hair for me. She curls it and smiles.
"There. Perfect." She looks at her watch.
"Should we leave? It's like 1:20." She asks.
"Oh yeah of course."
We leave and it takes about 15 minutes to get there because of the stupid LA traffic. When we get there Brent is standing outside, wearing a black shirt and khaki shorts.
"Whoa. Is that him?" Mamrie looks surprised. I nod.
"Damn." She smirks. I laugh. Brent sees me from across the street and he waves and I wave back. When we get across the street I reach up to hug him and introduce him to Mamrie.
"Brent, this is my best friend Mamrie." I smile. They shake hands.
"Nice to meet you Mamrie. Interesting name. I like it." He says.
"Thanks. Nice to meet you too." She says. A waitress seats us and we look at the menus. We end up staying there for almost two hours because we just sit there and talk. I like Brent but I still love her. I feel like I'm trying to make her jealous, which isn't exactly working. I should've known. When we leave Brent kisses me and says goodbye. Mamrie and I walk to the car.
"I like him I think. I approve."
No. No, I don't want you to approve.
"Well good I'm glad." I grin.
"Yeah, he seems like he really likes you. My question is, do you like him too?" She asks.
Not as much as I like you.
"Yeah of course." I manage. I drive her home and we say our goodbyes.

Authors note: hey guys! I've been working on this for so long! It's another Mace fic because they're my fav! I hope you like it so far, let me know in the comments...also, are you subscribed to my YouTube channel? If not, it's Abs and Kay :) thanks!