FIRST YOU HAVE TO FINISH - F1 ONE-SHOTS

LN; Dear Lando [P.1]

[Sometimes we need closure]
Requested by: Me, literally, no one asked for this 
Publish date: 11/08/2019
Word count: 749 

Dear Lando,

You're probably wondering why I'm sending you this letter. Especially, when I could've just as easily written you an Instagram DM. Although I'm not quite sure you'd answer me on that, now that you're quite the man on there, also I may have blocked you all those years ago, but that's beside the point. 

I'm writing you this letter to, hopefully, make you understand. It may very be that you've forgotten me in your rush of fame, but you're constantly floating through my mind and sometimes we just need closure. 

So this is what that is, my attempt on closure, my way of saying goodbye to the bad memories that surround your name. To hopefully, making amends with what you did to me. I just want to remember you without hating you. 

I do not expect, nor do I want a letter back and I swear to god Lando, don't fucking do it. This is my way of saying goodbye, which I never got to do, don't ruin this for me, please. 

Okay, here we go. 

You probably don't remember our break-up, at least not as vividly as me. I mean how could you, you weren't the one left behind without a word.

It was bad, not to be dramatic or anything. 

You just left, without a word, a goodbye or a good reason. You just disappeared, left me behind like that day on the beach. Remember?

You wanted to get Ice-cream, but it was supposed to stay a surprise so I was left alone in the summer breeze when you got lost. The city wasn't even that big, how could you even get lost?

At first, I thought you'd be coming back. Like you, eventually, had done that summer day. That maybe you just had some races in Europe and you'd forgot to mention them to me. I had to find out that wasn't the case by never seeing you again. 

You didn't come back. Not to tell me you loved me, not to kiss me and most certainly not with cheesy souvenirs from Europe, like you used to. 

I was angry.

I felt used and I couldn't help but think that without me you wouldn't even have made it to that trip that changed my life. Our lives. 

You ran away with my advice and tips, to use them somewhere across the world. 

I had to find out from TV that you made it! I can't believe you had the audacity to leave me in the cold. You didn't call, texted or, I don't know, sent me a letter like I'm doing now, anything would have been better than nothing, which is what you did. 

You know that hurt like hell, you didn't even try to put in some effort, but I guess I wasn't worth it. I couldn't help but feel like you wouldn't be standing on those podiums without me by your side. If it wasn't for my advice, it would at least have been for my support. 

I was your biggest fan. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that you made it to the top, at least you didn't leave me for nothing, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bitter.

I guess I should've seen it coming and I guess I was too naive back then to see it; the weird behaviour. I don't know how I could have missed it because it's clear as day now. \

Your mind was somewhere else when you'd talk to me and your eyes avoided mine whenever you were speaking. They weren't looking into mine like they used to. It was all different and I should've known. Unfortunately, it's too late for the should-haves now.

I missed you, a lot, when you left and I can't help but wonder how it could have been if you never left. It's useless wishing for the 'could have been's' now though. 

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty if that's what you're thinking. I just really needed to get this off my chest and I guess, even though I try to ignore it as hard as I can, you still control my life after all those years.

Don't write me back because I don't know how that would end. 

Sincerely,

The girl who needed closure