#KILLME2

Chapter 6

#KILLME2

By: theinkslingerr

Chapter 6

        The hardest thing about not being able to sleep wasn't the not-sleeping part. Don't get me wrong, it was up there on the list. But knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep even though it was the only thing I wanted to do was worse. The anxiety was brutal; the knowledge that no matter what, I wouldn't have the energy to face my day. I spent so many nights lying in bed, checking the time and thinking, If I fall asleep right now, I can get six hours. If I fall asleep right now, I can get five hours. If I fall asleep right now, I can get four hours...

It went on and on in my head until I ran out of hours, and sunlight crept in through my blinds.

Lying in bed all night, knowing you were going to fail your day before it started was the worst part about insomnia. And no one could convince me otherwise.

That's why I loved weekends, because it didn't matter if I got any sleep. I could just lounge around or nap, and if I went anywhere with Liam or Maya they'd understand why I didn't have any energy.

With Liam gone, having no energy mattered even less. I barely left my bed Saturday and Sunday— much less my apartment. All I did was binge Project Runway (even though I said I'd stop, because it reminded me of Liam), avoid vegetables, and wonder if Finley would get a hold of my number somehow and tell me he changed his mind. I stayed glued to my phone all weekend— just in case. But Maya was the only one who texted.

I hadn't texted her after my failed "negotiation" with Finley, so when she asked how it went, I decided being vague was the best way to go.

He fought it like I knew he would.

Maya-why-you-so-flya?: Even after you told him James tried to jump Liam?

Yup.

Maya-why-you-so-flya?: Wow... :-/ Doesn't sound like him.

Why do you keep saying that? Is he your Lord and savior, Maya? You barely know him.

Maya-why-you-so-flya?: -_-

Maya-why-you-so-flya?: What're you gonna do tho? You're not really gonna tell Principal Liu right? Cause that wouldn't be smart.

I thought it'd be absolutely genius, so I told her:

I won't do anything stupid.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was still tired. The sleeping pills made me drowsy in the morning, but usually wore off in an hour— unless I'd only gotten four or five hours of sleep. Then the fog stuck around until I chased it away with a sugary energy drink. So on days like today, I went through my classes in a weird state of over-caffeinated exhaustion with a headache on the side. During lunch, I went to Principal Liu's office to snitch on Finley, only to find he wasn't there. His secretary didn't know what he was up to and offered to call the vice principal, but I told her no. I wanted to tell Principal Liu himself. I wanted to get Finley in as much trouble as possible on my first try.

I sighed. Guess I'd have to come back tomorrow.

After school, I hung out with Maya while she organized digital files for the yearbook. She worked at her family's diner Thursday through Sunday, and here Monday through Wednesday. I was pretty sure her parents didn't know she was on the yearbook committee, because that's something they'd definitely consider a waste of time. She probably told them she'd joined an SAT prep group or something.