BOUNDLESS LOVE (ForthBeam)

03 - Downpour

Ringing.

Constant ringing.

Deafening silence.

Beam stands frozen, watching. His heart drums loudly inside his chest. This is a little too soon! He wants him awake, yes. But this is too soon.

He's not even given the chance to consider being the one to be forgotten. Not even a minute.

**************
Forth awoke to the constant beeping of the apparatus attached to him. The clean scent of the hospital air—probably due to the alcohol and antiseptic—lingering and tickling his airways. He squints his eyes, vaguely recognizing the brightness of the room. Typical hospital room.

He tries to lift his hand to his face, but there is something weighing it down.

A hand.

It is milky white and fragile-looking, yet with a grip as vice. Forth struggles a bit only to learn that in doing so, he feels pain all over. His movements stirred the person slumbering beside his bed, the very person clutching his hand for dear life.

"Forth?" the man is beautiful despite the obvious exhaustion. His voice cracked when he said Forth's name.

Forth fails to remember though. The man is wearing casual clothing, white tee and black sweat pants. He has a sweet face that leaves Forth wanting to squish those cheeks between his palms, and be able to make him pout those luscious lips.

In pain, Forth grimaces. The man defrosts from his frozen state and immediately gives the signal for the residents in charge to take over.

Beam slowly steps back. One step at a time, until his back is flat against the wall. Realization hits him as his observations of Forth waking up settles. There's no recognition in the eyes of his love. There's a glint of the usual playfulness that Beam has become too well-acquainted bacause he's always been it's target for the longest of time. But this time it's like Forth is seeing a complete stranger, and yet he wants to squish Beam's face.

What he feared had happened.

Friends and relatives begin flooding in as the news of Forth's awakening reaches everyone. They celebrate, shed tears of joy and of relief, yet still careful not to stress the patient out.

Beam is feeling everything but happy right now. He should be, but he really can't.

Another realization hits him as the observation of Forth's interactions to eveyone settles. Forth recognizes everyone...

...except me.

***************

"This is unfair." Beam whispers to himself. His heart sinks deeper as he realizes that not one notices that Forth and Beam are more distant than the shores of Thailand and Madagascar.

Not one soul has an inkling of idea that with the rising of a good news, the bad was just right next to it. Not one, until Forth opened his mouth.

"Who is he?" he says.

Everyone froze. No one dares to say anything. Every single word in this situation is crucial. Every action and breath of word can break or make the situation. No one has been brave enough to take the initiative. They can't.

With a shaky breath, Beam denies his own existence before rushing out of the room. With his disoriented thoughts, he jumps to the conclusion of all the things he's been considering the past days.

"Beam, wait! You idiot, why did you say that!?" Kit shakes Beam's shoulders the moment he catches him halfway through the parking lot.

"This is the least I deserved for being who I am to him, Kit! I did this! To him, to us!" Beam yells painfully.

"Don't be ridiculous, let's go back and drill every memory inside his head! You should know that he at least deserves to know who you are—what you both have together. Running away just like that did nothing to solve anything!" Kits reasons. Beam slumps down the side of a random car.

"I've made up my mind. This had always been inside my head since the accident happened. Maybe...maybe this is Forth's chance to a life without a pain like me." his friend shakes his head in disagreement. "Kit, we all know I am a handful. Forth deserved better from the very beginning!" Beam says in despair as fat tears fall one after another.

Broken.

Tired.

Things are not the same anymore. Beam knows he is being a coward. But he is also in pain. He is in so much pain he can die.

"He really forgot about me, Ai'Kit..." comes out weak and shaky from Beam's red lips. They are already red from the owner biting down on them, just to stop the heart-wrenching cries of agony wanting to burst out.

Kit, not knowing what to say to convince Beam to retract his decision, can only give a few pats of empathy towards the slumping figure beside him.

"I'm not brave enough. That's why I have to do this, Ai'Kit. I have to be away. I won't be much of a loss to him right now, anyway. He doesn't even remember me."

"Beam, what are you planning? You're scaring me. Please think things over, you don't have to be irrational about this. Please..." Kit's words only fall on deaf ears as his friend stands like the dead. Any trace of the Beam he knows is lost in the wind and into the rain outside.

Beam sniffles as he stands and look for his car. He rides and drives away with his car, his mind, all ready and set to go and be away. He is giving this chance of a new life to the very person he loves the most. A chance for the very person he cannot live without.

The screech of the wheels encourages him to go on with his decision—every turn off the wheels an affirmation he thinks needs to be gained.

Kit runs back inside, quick to his feet, with the agility developed through the years of experience in the field. He sees their friends and Forth's and Beam's parents, gathered inside Pha's room with the rest of their friends who know of the current situation between Forth and Beam.

"Beam is going to disappear! Help me! I couldn't change his mind. I...he wasn't listening to me...I-I tried to reason with—" Kit's rushed words are cut as his face is buried inside his lover's embrace. A big, warm hand runs loving circles against his back, trying to soothe his troubled countenance. Kit breathes in and out heavily as he tries to see the logic behind Beam's decision. His tears now freely falling out of frustration.

All the others who are gathered inside Phana's office easily understood. They all know that Beam needs this more than anyone else. They all know that it will complicate the situation, but Beam needs this, maybe more than Forth needs any of it. The poor guy doesn't even remember.

**************
"Where are you going to stay?" Pha asks, concerned.

"Pha...please watch over him for me. And tell Kit I will be fine." Beam says half-hearted, purposely avoiding to answer his bestfriend's inquiry. A tear threatens to fall, but he blinks it away.

"I will try to keep them alive. Are you sure you don't want to change this decision now?" Pha tries.

Beam responds with a shake of his head. "Okay, my flight has been called. I'll be going now. Don't try to contact me, please? Allow me to do it on my own. I promise not to be wreckless this time."

Pha nods, worried still.

Without a glance back, Beam boards his plane and takes everything with him: identity, position and any right to call himself Forth's.

****************
"So, who was the cute guy back in the hospital?" Forth asks after two weeks.

"Forth, shut up. You should stop being a colossal pervert." Lam is thinking double time for every excuse to avoid giving away anything regarding the person.

"Well, he was holding my hand when I woke up. Why is that?" Forth keeps on asking, intrigued.

"Drop it, Ai'Forth." he thinks he's been doing this for your benefit anyway. Lam walks away to prevent anything from spilling directly from him.

"Ai'Lam!"