god is a woman (arthur shelby.)

twenty.

☾

Arthur was a hollow man. Rowan watched from the staircase as Tommy explained they were going to care for the boy's mother, with Arthur staring into an empty space. He appeared just as soul shattered as he was when he returned from France, and Tommy knew that look in his eye all too well. Arthur's mind was drowning in an ocean of his own thoughts, and all he could hear was the sound of bones cracking muffled through his ear drums.

"My head's like a fucking boat Tommy." Arthur solemnly spoke, his broken gaze never moving.

Rowan wanted to rush over and hold him, let him weep in her arms for hours upon hours. But Tommy wouldn't allow it. Tommy never allowed anyone to feel any sense of emotion other than himself.

"Full of heavy cargo, like coal or iron. Sometimes it slips to one end." Arthur continued.

Tommy refused to look at his brother and instead stared out of the window, much to Rowan's anger.

"And the boat tips. I can feel it slipping. I can feel the boat tipping." Arthur spoke gravely. "But there ain't nothing I can do about it. It's like my head's this big fucking barge. And it drifts, in and out, and in and out."

Arthur clutched at the sweaty and unwashed hair upon his head as he struggled to retain his tears. It broke Rowan, seeing him like this. She stood from her seat on the stairs, and slowly walked down to the bottom of the staircase, leaning on the bannister with her arms folded.

"We've been home a long time Arthur." Tommy interjected his soliloquy. "I thought you were alright."

Rowan watched as Arthur stuttered over his letters, desperate to make a plea for help that would fall only of his brother's selfishly deaf ears.

"I-I don't think I am, Tom." Arthur admitted. "Take this fucking thing away."

A revolver was drawn from Arthur's waistcoat and thrown onto Polly's neatly crocheted cloth that sat upon her coffee table.

Tommy sighed and shook his head as he heard the sound of the dull metal collide with the wood of the table.

"Just fuck off Arthur." He breathed deeply. "Do you know what? I've had enough. I've fucking had enough."

"Are you deficient in the fucking head?" Rowan spat as Tommy stalked over to Arthur, towering over the vulnerable man who was cowering in his chair.

"Shut up Rowan, this doesn't fucking concern you." Tommy snapped at her before spitting more venom into Arthur's face. "Supposed to treat you like a fucking kid, eh? Keep you away from guns and ropes, is that it? You think I haven't got enough on?" Tommy screeched into his brother's face.

"Stop it." Arthur pleaded, his voice low.

"The war is done."

"Stop it."

"Shut the door on it."

"Stop it."

"Shut the door on it like I did."

Rowan watched the two men bicker, her heart breaking more and more as she saw Arthur in his most desolate state begging his brother to stop tormenting him. She wanted to speak up, but she knew that hell and all it's fury would be the consequence.