14 years. 14 god damn years and for what? What have I gotten out of it, a friend that tells me to calm down when I try to talk about one of the FEW things that peaked my interest.
I have done everything I ever could for her and I guess it wasn't enough.I went to every birthday party she had even though I knew I'd hate it cuz one, I don't like to be around a lot of people and two, I tried to get along with her friends but I couldn't.
But hey what's 14 years of pure loyalty compared to someone who went to her house everyday after school. For 3 years I wasn't even allowed to go out side let alone go over to someone's house.
I never fit that perfect friend picture so what can I expect. I'm not her best friend anymore so what's the point of trying.
Why do I still give it my all? I want to let go I want to pretend that she means nothing but I can't. No matter how much she pisses me off I still want her gratification I still want her approval even though I'll never get it.
I don't know where or when she saw me change, I don't know where I fucked up to the point where she replaced me as her bff then again I'm not even sure if I was ever her bff.
Looking back I was the one who called her my best friend to her I was only a friend. I'm such a dumbass for not realizing it before and I was an even bigger dumbass when I believed her when she said she'd try to regain my trust. I wanted to trust her but she's done nothing to get it back.
I'm done
I'm so fucking done
