Iron Rations

Yule Connor- Thoughts

When Lyall went off to get some water, I let go of James's fingers and rubbed my own on my pant leg, trying to shake the fear off. I knew I should've said something to Lyall, something like "thanks" since he saved us, but I guess the trauma of seeing my village destroyed by war-bringers shook the thought out of my head.

When I turned to my twin, James had already built a clumsy pyramid of twigs and was now in the process of rubbing the wood. Though it would take some time, I knew he'll end up with a fire sooner or later.

James handed me his knife. "Skin the deer," he said. I noticed he was trying to avoid my gaze, so I angled my face towards him. Still, I did not meet my eyes. Then he suddenly turned towards me and his voice was rock-hard. "Get to work, Yule."

I glared at him. James never talked to me like that. When he turned back to his work, I realized he was hiding something. Sadness. Just like me. Unlike me, who basically cried, James hid his sadness and anger by acting like a jerk. It's surprising I didn't figure this out quickly, being his twin sister and all.

I suddenly remembered the deer, and hastily got to its side and began to skin it. It's going to be a hard and boring process, so I decided to think as I did my business.

Shiv the falcon perched on a low branch not far from me, fast asleep. I couldn't hold back a smile. She deserved to rest. I'm willing to bet my toothbrush and my fox pelt that without her, Lyall would have never found us.

Thom Grant sat a good distance from us, scowling at a tree trunk as though he just had an argument with it. I frowned. Like James, he was angry. And sad. I suddenly realized how lucky am I. While I still have a brother, Thom lost his parents, he lost his uncle, his house. He lost everything.

I suddenly remembered the scene a few minutes ago, wherein Lyall literally growled at him. Huh. I've always assumed Lyall never growls or something when he's angry, simply sit down and give you that stare that James flashes at everyone. Maybe Lyall isn't as quiet as I thought.

Lyall. I could still remember the time when he saved me, 5 years ago. Now he saved me again. Not only me, but also my brother and Thom, who I think, he doesn't get along with very well. But no one really gets along well with Thom.

Lyall saved my life twice now. I know I have to find a way to repay him. Maybe I could save his life twice too or something. But I know I'll never be able to do that. What would I do? Jump over a grenade and let him crawl over me? Save him from drowning? Wrestle a bear for him? Based from his actions, I know he'll never let me, or anyone else, do that for him. And frankly, I don't think I can wrestle a bear. Or swim. Or leap over a grenade.

I suddenly wished I am as brave as he is. Though I don't know why he's brave in the first place. Maybe his parents' deaths shaped him to be like that. But my parents died too. So why am I not that brave? Maybe it comes with being a hunter. I think that made the most sense since feeding chickens doesn't exactly make you dauntless.

My stomach growled loudly and James and Thom turned towards me. There's a ghost of a laugh on James's face, an unreadable expression on Thom's.

"Sorry," I muttered sheepishly, getting back to my work. A part said its great Lyall isn't here. I blushed, despite myself. Now when did embarrassment concern Lyall? But I guess I'm embarrassed in front of him too. I mean, the roar of my stomach could probably be heard a mile away, thanks to its loudness.

I imagined Lyall's reaction. Would he smile like James, or be unreadable like Thom? Probably the latter. Lyall doesn't seem like one who'd smile.

As I was stuck on a bone, trying to rub the skin off, James suddenly said in a quiet voice, "I'm sorry for  a while ago."

I shook my hand dismissively. "It's nothing. You're just sad."

"It's something," said James. A fire suddenly erupted in front of him, illuminating his face in orange light, making his red hair seem on fire.

"James, stop it," I said sternly as I finally removed the skin from the bone. "I understand why you're like that. Stop apologizing." Though I know why he's apologizing. It's because we're twins. Our parents are dead, and we don't have anyone else but each other as family.

James would not budge. "You're angry with me."

"I am not." My voice was involuntarily rock-hard so I tried to cover it up. "You're making me bad with the apologizing, you know."

Lyall suddenly appeared, looming out of the bushes like a ghost. He carried a pot of water in one hand, a leaf bowl in the other. As I was wondering how he made the leaf bowl, James went back to his business.

Lyall put down the bowls and sat beside me. I was suddenly aware of how close he is, his elbow brushing against mine, our sides touching gently. I could already hear his ragged breathing, and it made my heartbeat go faster. Lyall whipped out his knife and wordlessly began to skin the deer.

I met James's eyes. He wasn't grinning, but his eyes seem to be laughing at me. I glared at him as his eyes continued to laugh, and I went back to skinning the deer beside Lyall.