Prologue
Their laughs and insults mock me, following me down the halls.
"Hey fag where, you going? Oh look, is he crying, aww he's crying, poor baby." Kenny Rider hollered.
"Aww you insulted him. Now he's going to go run home to his mommy." Kenny's friend commented, or should I say, 'Kenny's shadow.'
Nobody really new exactly who he was, he was just the kid that followed Kenny around like a shadow. All he really did was boost Kenny up when he needed help, which was rarely, but still possible.
'Kenny's Shadow' was just like any other average kid. He was 5'6, brown rusty hair, and muddy brown eyes. Let's just say he's really nothing special, and if he wasn't always with Kenny he'd be every bully's next target.
He'd be told he had nothing to offer the world, just like I was told every moment in my life.
"Come on I know you want to kiss me." Someone whispers in my ear coming up behind me and grabbing my ass.
All I want to do is go home and end this miserable day. Since October 11, 2012 when I came out of the 'closet' everyone's been making fun, and having their laugh. The worst part is I had a boyfriend before all of this started, but he abandoned me as soon as I told everyone.
Sometimes I just wanted to shout. I'm not the only gay kid in this school! (And Trust me there were plenty.) But I just couldn't betray Nick like that, even though he had already betrayed me, by leaving my side.
It's even worse when the teachers and authority know about everything that's going on, and they do nothing to help, at all! Soon I'll probably be left in an alley, and beaten to death. And all anyone will say is, "Wasn't that the gay kid?" That's right I'll go down in history as the gay kid that went to Mercy West High School. Absolutely nobody will remember my name.
I'm betting millions that my parents wouldn't even care, h*ll they wouldn't even notice. My moms to drunk to stay in reality, and my father's in prison for certain (unknown to me) reasons. He was a huge bully back in the day, and if he learned that his only son was gay, he'd probably be the one to kill me.
I walk through the hallways of the school ignoring the catcalls, and insults that are being thrown at me from all around.
I saunter through the parking lot, not watching where I'm going (big mistake.) A pair of headlights are coming my way, when suddenly the car stops. I look up to find Nick...I know that if was anyone else they wouldn't have stopped. They would have run me over, and never looked back.
I see Nick 'girlfriend' sitting next to him and grimace. Despite having broken up a little bit more then 3 months, I still loved him in the way people always do. I briskly head forward, missing his face of unmistakable sadness.
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"Oh you're home, honey." My mother says smiling.
The 'honey' fooled no one. I survey the house. Empty beer bottles everywhere, even stuffed into the couch cushions. Yet again I think, how can such a petite women drink so much beer?
I walk past her and her drunken state, but she pulls me back by the hood of my sweatshirt, practically choking me.
"Where do you think you're going?" She hisses in my ear, "You're just a fag, now go make my dinner."
I sigh. This is the routine, about every day. I come home, she's drinking, and she demands I do everything. She can't seem to handle doing anything besides opening the fridge, and popping open a bottle and drinking till she falls asleep. And then the day is over. God, she can't even pay for her own beer. I have to pay for it myself because I'm the only one who has a job. I know it's wrong, and it's like I'm supplying her with beer making it all worse. Since I was eleven, I don't remember one sober moment that we ever had together. My father had left for another woman, and the moment she heard he was in jail, if possible, it got worse.
I go to the cabinet opening it up only to find a box of pop tarts. When I left this morning everything was stocked up. What the h*ll did this woman do all day?
"Where's all the food?" I ask her.
She looked at me with confused drunk droopy eyes.
"You ate it all!" She yells accusing me.
Oh lord, she was beyond drunk. She hadn't even notice that I left at 5:00 am as she was throwing beer bottles up against the wall... speaking of which the remaining glass was shattered on the floor reflecting are shabby one room apartment.
"How could you eat all of my food?" She yells half delirious, no full delirious.
First I want to tell her there's no possible way I could've eaten any of the food. Second of all it was not her food, god she could barely afford a pint of milk. She would occasionally go to the store to exchange bottles, just so she could by more beer. But more often then not people called the police on her because of her public disturbance. Despite the fact she was a drunk, the woman was still my mom, and I didn't want her to end up like my dad.
I push past, to go to the bathroom, she keeps hollering at me, the bathroom door swings open, and I stop in my tracks.
Saltine crackers floating in the toilet, soaked to mush. Sliced bread stamped into the floor high heels imprinted in the dough. Soda in the tub... great I could just imagine that sticky mess now.
I turn on my heels sharply, stomping back to the kitchen to find mom passed out in the chair. Head slumped, hair covering her grimy face, I most say I preferred her this way.
~~~~~
I saunter to work breathing slowly, evenly, because for once I'm not being chased down the street and I revel in the fact of being alone.
I look down an alley to find a rope long enough to fit my neck through so I end my life completely in just a few short seconds. I shake it off and keep on walking I make it to work get in my bunny suit, take pictures with little kids, and pretend to be someone I'm not. Happy and Cheerful.
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Finally after three long hours in a bunny suit that was old and smelled like a gym full off sweaty old people. I head off to my second job at the liquor store. Yep that's right, I mean how else do you think I pay for all that beer? I can tell you definitely not working in a bunny suit.
As I turn the corner a foot pops out of the wall and trips me. What the f*ck?
"
Ha ha, beat you." Kenny said looking at his shadow smugly, then turning to look down on me.
I get up, brush myself off quickly, and I run. I run as fast as my legs can carry me. Their footsteps echo on the sidewalk behind me. I wince at the memories that flood my mind, and the bruise that was left behind the last time these two ganged up on me.
Suddenly I stop, I see it. The twine rope hanging from the lamp post. I quietly run into the dark alley hop onto a garbage can and exhale. This was my one and only shot to end it all. I stuck my head through the rope and, it almost instantly cut all of my air supply off, but that wouldn't be enough. I jumped.
"What the f*ck." Were the last words I hear, as I let the rope take me.
~~~~~~~~~~
If I'd have lived that day maybe it wouldn't have missed out on so much. Like the fact that exactly 11 minutes after I jumped the police showed up and arrested Kenny and Charles (Shadow.) I also missed the moment Nick came out of the closet, of course nobody made fun of him after my suicide act. My mother died 7 days after I had. It was liver disease, and since I was already six feet under, there was no one to donate because she had no one that cared.
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Okay well I think this is one of the longest chapters I've ever written, but watch it turn out to be like 1 page anyways I really like this and I'd love your opinion also this is dedicated to ArabellaLynnChance for the amazing cover <3
