Not So Secret

Chapter Three

Love has never been successful for me, but then you came along, barging in and breaking down all the barriers I've set up against love. You just charged in, with all that wittiness and lame humour, with all that kindness and love, how dare you ruin my life? How dare you make me fall in love with you? 

CHAPTER THREE

We had lobster for dinner. 

The table was laid out with expensive-looking silver ware, the linens were made out of silk and I couldn't stop staring at the beautiful glass chandelier when I walked into the dining room. After bathing, I had quickly put on one of dad's big blue button-ups and made my way to the dining room, expecting it to look similar to the cafeteria back at my old school but again, the school proved me wrong. The room itself screamed elegance. The walls were filled with huge ceiling-to-floor glass planes which showed the garden view on a horizontal glance. The floor was a carpeted maroon while similar tapestries that were found in the main building hung on opposite ends of the room. 

The table sat in the middle of the room, with covered dishes lined up on it. Terry and Theo were already there with a smaller boy sitting in between them. I realized I hadn't seen him before this and quickly memorised his features. He had dirty blonde hair and greyish looking eyes. Even though he was small, I could tell he had alot of energy. There was just something about him that screamed 'prankster'. 

While those three boys sat one side of the table, Victor sat on the other with two empty chairs on his right. Victor instantly grinned and waved at me to come over when I entered. That caught Terry and Theo's attention which caused Terry to instantly shout out, "Hey, new kid! Come over here! It's lobster night!" 

I forced a small smile and walked over to Victor's side and sat down on the chair next to him. 

"Careful, you might catch his homo disease if you sit too close." The blonde one snickered at Victor who quickly turned a shade of red. 

"Careful, you might get a punch in the face if you keep on insulting him." I retorted back which earned me a laugh from Terry. 

"Oh, I like him already. Don't mind Lucas here, he doesn't have a filter to keep his words in check." Terry said as he offered me a hand to shake. 'That's awfully polite of him,' I thought as I reached over and shook his hand. 

Terry's eyes widened as he glanced at my hand. "Wow your hand is so soft. You sure you're not a girl?" 

"Terry." Theo shot him a glance and Terry instantly shut his mouth. Once Terry scooted back into his chair, Theo gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, my brother doesn't have a filter for a mouth either." 

I couldn't help but chuckle at that. When I realised there were only four boys and me in the room, I became a little confused. "Aren't there supposed to be six of you?" I asked, looking at the empty chair beside me and the one that sat at the head of the table. The boys looked at me with a look which seemed almost close to sadness. Those big sad eyes...

"How about I just meet them on another day?" I said, glancing away from those eyes. "I've never had lobster before!" It was obvious the atmosphere had became tense, and I was the cause of it. A mantra of 'don't cry, don't cry' filled my head as I got up from my seat and proceed on cutting the lobster into smaller parts. 

Maybe it's a motherly instinct that every girl had, or the fact that I had ascociated with my dad so long that I recognise lonely boys. I slowly placed the food on each of their plate and tried not to react at their surprised expressions. Once I placed the last piece on my own plate, I looked up to take in their expressions. The twins looked at me like I had just grew two heads, Lucas still had his surprised look on, while Victor gave me a sad smile. 

"You're like a mother, Hal." He said, softly. 

"Oh um-"

"It's a good thing. The six of us do need a mother." They didn't say anything else after Victor's last comment. Dinner continued on quietly and the only sounds that could be heard were the clinking sounds of silver ware and the occasional loud crunch when chewing. Terry, Lucas and Theo still whispered little jokes to each other from time to time, but the silence was still eerie. I found myself looking at the two empty chairs, wondering what had happened with the other two boys.

After dinner, we left the plates and dishes on the table as each of us retired back to our own rooms. I hadn't even bother to turn on the lights as I crossed the place in my room. I made sure I locked my door before doing so. Only the moonlight that shown through the glass panes served as witness as I took off the chest binder and slipped on my sleeping clothes.

I walked over to the glass plane before pushing it. It opened up to the room's balcony. A small shiver rolled down my spine as the cool wind caressed the skin of my bare legs. It was on the nights when I missed my mom that I hated the most. Not because I hated her, but because the pain felt so fresh, like I've only lost her just yesterday. I could remember sitting in the waiting room, the smell of medicine and the sounds of crying filling the air. The hardest part was when they didn't even let me go into the room, to say goodbye before she was taken away from me permanently, forever.

A tear rolled down the side of my face and I quickly wiped it with the back of my hand. I miss her, I still do. The only thing that keeps me going, that made me so determined to come here, was her. She was a graduate of the AA, and just like her, I was going to dress up as a male, strip myself of all womanly pride as I entered the world of men, just to strive towards success. It was going to be a hard journey, and seeing those boys just now with those sad eyes reminded me of myself. Alone.

"Goodnight, mommy." I whisper softly, and let the wind blow my words away and, maybe, hopefully, carrying it to my mother. 

--

 "Oh f-" I slammed the alarm clock as hard as I could and glared at the numbers '6:00' on it. I reluctantly dragged myself out of the bed and put on my robe before heading to the common bathroom. Theo and Terry were already there, brushing their teeths. 

"Morning, new kid." Terry mumbled after spitting. 

"It's Hal." 

"It's too early for me to think." Terry continued to mumble, patting my head as he walked past. It was almost frustrating me at how all the boys here were taller than me. 

Once the twins left the bathroom, I brushed my teeth, did my business and dashed to my room to put on the uniform. The uniform itself was elegant, and I personally don't know how it was even possible for a uniform to be elegant, but the school somehow managed to pull it off. The uniform was just a white long-sleeved button-up with a brown vest and gray pants. The dark blue coat was only for seniors so I guess I had to wait for next year to even begin wearing them. 

Just as I was about to leave my room with my newly-ironed uniform - which I had to admit, looks good on me, a knock came on the door. After half-shouting a "Coming!", I rushed to the door and pulled it open. There standing was another guy I didn't know, probably one of the boys that didn't make it to dinner last night.

He had dark black hair with the greenest eyes, reminding me of a forest. He was handsome and lean. He was about a head taller than me, probably the tallest among the boys. He was looking at me with a surprised look, his mouth opening and closing like he didn't know what to say.  

"Erm hi?"

He shook his head, as if coming out from a trance. "Yeah hi, Victor told me to introduce myself before class starts." 

"Oh!" Well. "My name's Hal Gray, the new boy." 

The guy nodded slowly. "New boy, huh? My name's Xavier." 

"Right. Well, I better get to class." I said, as I closed the door behind me. "Thanks for the whole introduction thing, but I really better get to class. It's my first day and all." 

"Yeah, okay." He said, but I already had my back turned his way. Somehow, I really didn't like the vibe I got from him. I didn't like how I felt like he already found out my secret. 

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A/N: Hey guys, here's chapter 3! I haven't update in quite some time due to studies so I hope this makes up for the time I've spent not posting anything.