jisung had recovered, more or less, though he had to take a year long break from dancing, and chenle had come to visit him at his home over winter break.
"hey." chenle smiled awkwardly as jisung let him in.
"your room hasn't changed since..." we hooked up.
"nope, haven't felt the need to renovate."
why were things so tense? they had gotten along well over text and call after jisung's accident. however, in person... it was just so much more different.
jisung finally broke it after a few moments of silently staring at anything but one another.
"the last time you were in here was when we hooked up."
he sat down on his bed and asked chenle to sit down beside him.
"and then the next morning... you told me to never speak of it again, which i'm sorry for doing, by the way." chenle let out a breathy laugh at that, causing jisung to smile.
"why?" he finally asked, waiting for chenle's explanation.
chenle played with the bedsheets.
"let's... let's watch a movie."
chenle couldn't believe that, after twenty-one years, he was still a coward.
—
chenle continued to visit jisung everyday, preferring his company over that of his parents.
though things were no longer awkward, the question of "why?" still lingered whenever they entered jisung's room.
the words "i'm in love with you" were stuck in chenle's throat, and he didn't know when he'd every be able to get it out.
—
the opportunity arose once more when they went to visit their old elementary school playground.
memories of kicking ball, teasing one another, and bullying arose in chenle's mind. so many things had happened on this playground.
there was no one else around but them, especially at a time like two a.m., when they clambered onto the playhouse and sat with their legs swinging off the side.
chenle cuddled himself closer to jisung, opening his mouth to say "it's because i'm cold" even when he really wasn't.
he stopped. he needed to tell him the truth eventually.
"hey."
"hey," jisung responded, wrapping his arm around chenle's waist.
"do you remember, back in elementary school... when you asked me about crushes? and how i said no?"
jisung nodded, the relief he had felt when chenle said "no" was unforgettable.
"i think— now that i look back— i think i was lying."
"oh? who was it? minkyung? she goes to my college now. crazy how-" jisung rambled on, feeling nervous. why did chenle bring something so obscure up?
"i think." jisung stopped his nonsensical blabbering.
"it was you," chenle exhaled. jisung remained silent, shocked.
"i had a crush on you, and i wanted you to like me."
jisung let out a small hum, thinking, "but... the homophobic jokes you made later in highschool. how could you like another boy, yet ridicule it?"
chenle let out a humorless laugh, "i made out with you and had sex with you different times, sung. those... those aren't very straight things either, are they?"
jisung nodded, "then... why?"
there the question was again, and chenle had no idea.
"i suppose it was fear."
chenle wasn't done telling his story; jisung could sense it.
"one of my favorite memories is when we held hands in the park, sungie. remember?"
he grabbed jisung's hand and laced it with his own.
"why did that stop, le?" jisung whispered, he was starting to think that there were a lot of things that chenle had hidden from him.
"my mom. she told me— and i remember quite exactly, 'you can't hold hands with jisung, okay? or any boys. and you can't kiss or date them either.'" chenle resaid the phrase, sounding so perfect it seemed like it was engrained in his head.
it probably was, jisung thought.
"she said she would hate me if i did, so i didn't." he turned to face the younger, "even though, when you told me you liked boys, i thought the same."
jisung blinked, "oh."
"i'm sorry," chenle said, with the most sincerity he had ever used in his life, "for ignoring you in highschool, and making fun of you when i'm just like you. then for kissing you and telling you to forget it because it 'didn't mean anything', even though it really did."
"what are you saying, le?" jisung whispered, their faces a mere few inches apart.
"i'm- i'm saying... you're the best fucking person i've ever met, sung, and-"
chenle's breath caught for a moment, say it.
"and i'm in love with you."
—
a/n:
it only took chenle 21 years and 15 chapters to admit it; i'm proud 🤧
