The summer we turned thirteen (Published)

Chapter forty: Confessions, confessions

Harlee

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Shortly after James left, Rachel called.

We hadn't hung out the past week, because she understood my wanting to spend the entire week with James. We'd texted and called several times throughout that week, though, because I'd been giving her updates on how things were going between James and me.

So inevitably, when she called that morning, I spilled what happened over the phone to her. Out of concern for me, she had her parents drive her over.

We were sitting on my bed eating fruit snacks with Starstreamflix on, but we weren't paying it any attention.

I'd told my mom to cancel the trip to the water park.

I felt bad for bailing on her after she'd gone out of her way to try and take me. But the idea of going to the water park after such a terrible morning made me feel sick inside.

"I can't believe he'd just end your friendship like that," Rachel said.

"Again," I added, considering this wasn't the first time he'd put me through this.

"Do you think it's over for good this time?" she asked me.

I nodded my head dismally.

"I do; I went out of my way to fix things, and...now, I finally realize he doesn't want to fix them."

"I'm really sorry, Harlee." She hugged me.

I hugged her back, trying my hardest not to cry anymore.

I'd been crying all morning because of stupid James and felt he didn't deserve any more of my tears.

"He really meant a lot to you. I can tell. I wish there were something I could do," she said.

I shrugged helplessly and stared into space.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. James was just...my best friend that I'd go to the ends of the earth for, and he just tosses me aside like I'm worthless to him..." My voice threatened to break again, so I stopped there. The more I talked about it, the more likely it was that the tears would return.

I looked at Rachel and noticed she was studying me as if she was realizing something.

"From what I've observed, you guys seemed like more than just best friends," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping she wasn't jumping on the Jarlee ship train.

"I just mean you guys seemed super close," she said quickly.

I nodded in agreement. "We were. I thought we told each other everything. And I thought James wanted to fix things between us, but I guess not. I guess he was just good at pretending like he did." I sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Like Evan pretended to like me," she said then sighed too.

Remembering what James had confessed to me about Evan's true feelings concerning her, I felt conflicted with myself.

Part of me wanted to tell her all about it just to spite James.

But then another part of me felt I'd be punishing Evan more than James by doing that.

"I know it's not the same thing, and I probably should not compare the two," she said. "I just understand how you can get your hopes up about someone only to find out they don't care for you as much as you care for them...but then again, you and James have known one another for years. I only just met Evan. I can also relate because of what happened between Farrah and me. But we still weren't friends as long as you and James were..." She lowered her eyes sheepishly. "Sorry, this is not about me."